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Poor Edward Bulwer-Lytton. The 19th century author coined such enduring gems of wisdom as ”The pen is mighter than the sword,”  but just let him write the worst opening sentence in English literature, and they never let him forget it. This year’s Bulwer-Lytton competition, in which contestants write the very best worst sentence possible using his style, has a winner:

“Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you’ve had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean.” 

Meanwhile, in case you haven’t read Bulwer-Lytton’s novel “Paul Clifford,” here is the sentence that started it all: “It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents – except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the house-tops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.”  Here’s the story:

The author, seen in a “Vanity Fair” caricature