Thanks for coming, now go quickly…

June 13, 2007

brideface140.jpgDear Blog Guy,
I need some advice on planning my wedding, and naturally you’re the first person I thought of. Everything is so expensive! Can you give some tips on ways to cut costs without seeming to be cheap?
Happy Bride

Sure, and congratulations. Many couples these days are offering speed-receptions – that is, wedding receptions that last only six minutes. As you can see in these photos, guests are stuffing their cake-holes as fast as they can, up against the deadline.

You can save a fortune this way, but just make sure somebody knows the Heimlich Maneuver. Another tip: forego napkins at the reception. Who needs ’em? A little sticky icing never hurt anybody, and that’s what dry cleaners are for. Have a great time!

More Oddly Enough Blogbride360.jpg

Contestants compete in a ‘Bridezilla-Ultimate Cake Eating Contest’ in New York’s Times Square June 12, 2007. REUTERS/Brendan McDermid


Yes, guys…take a good look. This is a glimpse into your future. She’s not just suddenly able to cram all that cake into her mouth at once. She’s been able to do that all along. She’s only been nibbling salads while you’re around. Go ahead and get married…but I would suggest you get some shovel-sized spoons for your house.

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Followed immediately by the Bridezilla-Ultimate Chick Hose-off.

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‘Icing’ queen. I was supposed to marry the ICING queen.

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Jenny Kraig’s gonna kick some ass.

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Waiter! Waiter, there’s cake in my frosting.

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Uh. Did I mention I’m a fantastic cook, ladies?

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I think I’m in love.