Blog Guy, I’m worried sick! I heard there was some problem with protecting Paris Hilton. Is she okay?

She’s fine, but her bodyguards aren’t.

They were hurt while protecting her?

No, they were fired FOR protecting her. Our story, Elite Polish cops sacked for protecting Paris Hilton, says three police commandos were told to resign or they would be fired for serving as Hilton’s bodyguards during a recent appearance at a shopping mall opening.

Blog Guy, has your Thanksgiving Williams-Sonoma catalog arrived yet? I can’t wait to see what expensive specialty gadgets we need to help us prepare the most traditional meal of all.

Indeed it did arrive, but I confess I stopped at the massive holiday cocktail section and got no further.

Blog Guy, it’s me, the one you got hooked on pictures of Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge.

I’ve told you, I got a lot of people hooked on her, with my “first one’s always free” policy.

Okay, I thought this was a goofy idea 17 months ago, and I haven’t changed my mind.

Back in mid-2010, I made fun of a Russian science experiment where six guys were about to “simulate” a trip to Mars, by spending 520 days in a mock “spaceship” on Earth.

Lamar, where did you get the models for today’s fashion show?

From my psychiatrist. They’re all in therapy for various things, so they’re happy to have the work.

Therapy? Is it safe to have them here?

Oh sure, Boss, most of the ones with violent tendencies turned down the gig. My shrink says one of these chicks is being treated for narcolepsy.