“The Harry Potter theory of climate”

March 2, 2011

USA/Climate doesn’t change by magic.

Just ask Mark Serreze, director of the U.S. National Snow and Ice Data Center in Colorado. On a conference call with other scientists and reporters, Serreze and others linked climate change to the last two harsh winters over much of the United States and Europe. And they squarely blamed human-caused greenhouse gas emissions for the rise in world temperatures that got the process going.

“Climate doesn’t change all by itself,” Serreze said. “It’s not like the Harry Potter theory of climate, where he flicks his magic wand and the climate suddenly changes. Climate only changes for a reason.”

He crossed off other possible drivers for climate change one by one.

“Could it be that the Sun is shining more brightly than it was? No, that doesn’t work. We’ve been monitoring energy coming from the Sun and apart from the 11-year sunspot cycle, there’s not much happening.

USA/“Is it that the warming is coming from the oceans — the oceans are releasing heat into the atmosphere? … Well, if that were the case, we’d have to observe that the oceans are cooling … but oceans are not cooling, the oceans are warming like the atmosphere.

“We might be able to argue that it’s something we don’t understand, something like a cosmic ray flux modulated by the Sun … That’s pretty much of a cop-out, OK? Because you’re not really making an explanation, you’re making a supposition.”

The only factor that can explain the observed rise in global average temperature — 1.4 degrees F or .8 degrees C over the last century — is climate forcing due to heightened levels of greenhouse gases, Serreze said.

USA-WEATHER/These higher temperatures are most evident at higher latitudes, such as around the Arctic Circle, and sea ice there has been dropping to record levels over the last several years. Serreze and others have noticed an interesting phenomenon over the last two years that may help predict when a severe winter will occur.

In the Arctic over the last two winters, there’s been a pattern called a negative Arctic Oscillation. When this happens, it keeps warm air over the high Arctic but spills out warm air to the latitudes to the south, putting more moisture into the air which often shows up on the ground as snow.

Also during the last two years, the amount of Arctic sea ice during the northern autumn is been remarkably low.

“When we have autumns with low sea ice, these tend to be followed by negative Arctic Oscillation,” Serreze said. If this theory holds up, it could improve prospects for seasonal prediction of climate.

Not exactly a magic wand, but still a useful climate tool!

Photo credits: REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni (Cast members Rupert Grint, Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson from the movie “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix” hold their wands, Hollywood, California July 9, 2007)

REUTERS/Lucy Nicholson (Snow-covered swimming pool area in downtown Dallas, Texas, February 5, 2011)

REUTERS/John Gress (Michael Thornton digs his car out from the snow in Chicago, February 3, 2011)

3 comments

We welcome comments that advance the story through relevant opinion, anecdotes, links and data. If you see a comment that you believe is irrelevant or inappropriate, you can flag it to our editors by using the report abuse links. Views expressed in the comments do not represent those of Reuters. For more information on our comment policy, see http://blogs.reuters.com/fulldisclosure/2010/09/27/toward-a-more-thoughtful-conversation-on-stories/

The Harry Potter theory of global warming might be said to be the whole explanation behind the alarmist position on climate change: “The temperature has gotten 1.4 degrees F warmer in the last century, and we can’t find another explanation, so it must be CO2.”

This is clearly a good reason to shut down the over 50% of the globe’s electrical generating capacity that runs on coal. If a few hundred million people die from lack of clean water, heating and cooling, water pumps, and so on, their contributions to CO2 will help also.

Of course, the plan isn’t really to shut them down. The plan is to tax and regulate production of CO2 and use the money for social engineering, redistribution to third world countries, etc.

Posted by AGW_Skeptic99 | Report as abusive

“We might be able to argue that it’s something we don’t understand, something like a cosmic ray flux modulated by the Sun … That’s pretty much of a cop-out, OK? Because you’re not really making an explanation, you’re making a supposition.”

But wait.. Isn’t that exactly what they are doing with CO2? Kettle.. Black.. Etc..

How else to explain the Maunder, Dalton minimums & other short term “ice ages” other than lack of sunspots, cosmic ray flux etc – which the persons quoted simply dismiss out of hand.

I would suspect that the 1.4 degree temperature rise is simply noise. Would not instrument error (noise) be greater than 1.4 degrees in 100 years? What surprises me is how *little* change there has been. Possibly the most stable climate ever seen by mankind in recorded history?? Natural variation has depopulated continents before.

The anti-CO2 movement suffers from premature politicalization. Let the science run its course. Let the satellites give us a few more decades of data.

And no, you can’t have your socialism, thats just plain bad manners after all you’ve been given.

Cheers!

Posted by Kozlowski | Report as abusive

[...] Harry Potter theory of climate, part I, starring Mark Serreze, stating: Climate doesn’t change all by itself. It’s not like the Harry Potter theory of climate, where he flicks his magic wand and the climate suddenly changes. Climate only changes for a reason. [...]

The truth of the best fantasy fiction of J.K Rowling

Ladies and gentlemen of Reuters ,

I’m a Chinese customer,I watched the opening ceremony of the London 2012。in the 10 part,It’s the section of the story for children。To my surprise ,Lord Voldemort,who is the most negative character of the《 HARRY POTTER》 ,had appeared。The author of Harry Potter,J.K. Rowling ,who had gave the aside to this show。I’M the loyal reader of《 HARRY POTTER》。And now,I’LL show my independent story,the revised story of 《 Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix》。

Chapter One Dudley Demented(My revised story)
The hottest day of the summer so far was drawing to a close and a drowsy silence lay over the large, ……………., The only person left outdoors was a teenage boy who was lying flat on his back in a flowerbed outside number four.

He was a skinny, black-haired, bespectacled boy who had the pinched, slightly unhealthy look of someone who has grown a lot in a short space of time. His jeans were torn and dirty, his T-shirt baggy and faded, and the soles of his trainers were peeling away from the uppers. Harry Potter’s appearance did not endear him to the neighbours, who were the sort of people who thought scruffiness ought to be punishable by law,just someone said when they went by Mr.potter:“Mom,what is this beggar doing?”“Nothing,son,don’t bother him,let’s go。”But as he had hidden himself behind a large hydrangea bush this evening he was quite invisible to passers-by. In fact, the only way he would be spotted was if his Uncle Vernon or Aunt Petunia stuck their heads out of the living-room window and looked straight down into the flowerbed below.

On the whole, Harry thought he was to be congratulated on his idea of hiding here. He was not, perhaps, very comfortable lying on the hot, hard earth but, on the other hand, nobody was glaring at him, grinding their teeth so loudly that he could not hear the news, or shooting nasty questions at him, as had happened every time he had tried sitting down in the living room to watch television with his aunt and uncle.

Almost as though this thought had fluttered through the open window, Vernon Dursley, Harry’s uncle, suddenly spoke.

‘Glad to see the idiot’s stopped trying to butt in. Where is he, anyway?’

‘I don’t know,’ said Aunt Petunia, unconcerned. ‘He must still hanging out,looking for Dudley to have fight. ” Uncle Vernon grunted.

‘Watching the news…’ he said scathingly. “I’d like to know what he’s really up to. Harry attended the St. Brutus’s Secure Center for Incurably Criminal Boys for 5 years,which is a first-rate institution for hopeless kids.Even though the teachers used the cane to punish Harry,Harry didn’t obey, he still chattering the so-called magic ,he had get his classmates mad with Harry’s the toys of magic ,Harry still was make a fetish of the so-called magic.Finally,Harry has been expeled by headmaster, we are forced to feed Harry again, but he is an insolent and pighead,he never has gratitude for us, How the Bum that Harry is !!”

Harry suppressed a snort with difficulty. Harry knew perfectly well that Dudley had not been to tea anywhere; he and his gang spent every evening vandalising the play park, smoking on street corners and throwing stones at passing cars and children. Harry had seen them at it during his evening walks around Little Whinging;But Harry also looks like a sedition,he had spent most of the holidays wandering the streets , scavenging newspapers from bins along the way.”Has this boy got some ill in his brain?! “a a rude passer-by said.And the comments of passers-by:”Mom,what’s wrong with him?Have his parents abandoned him?!”A small girl said.“Dad,here is a nut in Privet Drive,Somebody need to punish him !”A naughty boy said.

The opening notes of the music that heralded the seven o’clock news reached Harry’s ears and his stomach turned over. Perhaps tonight—after a month of waiting—would be the night.

He kept listening, just in case there was some small clue, not recognised for what it really was by the so-called Muggles of Harry’s irrational world view,...........

   A loud, echoing crack broke the sleepy silence like a gunshot; a cat streaked out from under a parked car and flew out of sight; a shriek, a bellowed oath and the sound of breaking china came from the Dursleys’ living room,it probably be a few of normal accidents,But it inexplicably seems to be the signal Harry had been waiting for he jumped to his feet, at the same time pulling from the waistband of his jeans a thin wooden wand as if he were unsheathing a sword—but before he could draw himself up to full height, the top of his head collided with the Dursleys’ open window. The resultant crash made Aunt Petunia scream even louder.

Harry felt as though his head had been split in two. Eyes streaming, he swayed, trying to focus on the street to spot the source of the noise, but he had barely staggered upright when two large purple hands reached through the open window and closed tightly around his throat.

“You’re a nut!”Uncle Vernon snarled into Harry’s ear grimly,"Put it away,do you want to get a thrashing again ?!"

Get—off—me!’ Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry biting his uncle’s sausage-like fingers with his teeth, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wand; then, as the pain in the both of Harry’s teeth gave a particularly nasty throb, Uncle Vernon yelped and released Harry as though he had received an shock , he hasn’t hold Harry.

Panting, Harry fell forwards over the hydrangea bush, straightened up and stared around. There was no sign of what had caused the loud cracking noise, but there were several faces peering through various nearby windows. Harry stuffed his wand hastily back into his jeans and tried to look so-called innocent.

Harry moved a few steps closer, taking care to stop just short of the point at which Uncle Vernon’s outstretched hands could resume their strangling.

“Double loser,has your mental sickness breaked out again?!"asked Uncle Vernon in a croaky voice that trembled with fury.

‘Why I get crazy mean by what?’ said Harry coldly. He kept looking left and right up the street, still hoping to see the person who had made the cracking noise.

‘Making a racket like a starting pistol right outside our—’

‘I didn’t make that noise,’ said Harry firmly.

Suddenly,Uncle Vernon boxed Harry’s ear a time fiercely, howling:”you aren’t obedient again ,I must teach you a lesson!”

“yes~~~~”Harry said scared ,”I will if you do.”

‘Yes—yes, good point, Petunia! What were you doing under our window, boy?’ Uncle Vernon said.

‘Listening to the news,’ said Harry in a resigned voice.

His aunt and uncle exchanged looks of outrage.

‘Listening to the news! Again?’

‘Well, it changes every day, you see,’ said Harry.

‘Don’t you be clever with me, boy! I want to know what you’re really up to—and don’t give me any more of this listening to the news tosh! ’

‘Careful, Vernon!’ breathed Aunt Petunia, and Uncle Vernon lowered his voice so that Harry could barely hear him,’—that your lot don’t get on our news!’

‘That’s all you know,’ said Harry.

The Dursleys goggled at him for a few seconds, then Aunt Petunia said, ‘You’re a nasty little liar. What are all those—’ she, too, lowered her voice so that Harry had to lip-read the next word, ‘—owls doing if they’re not bringing you news?’

‘The owls is going to bring me news right away,I ensure!they are so mysterious,it’s magic,you don’t understand!’ Harry said steady。

‘Fuck you,PIGHEAD!How many times do I have to tell you not to mention that unnaturalness under our home!”said Uncle Vernon.

‘Well, now it’s news to me,some day,I’ll let all of you know that magic is truth!’ said Harry。

‘Potter,……time’s enough,get out of my home now,I don’t want to see you,or beat you once when I see you !!’ asked Uncle Vernon in a croaky voice that trembled with fury.

Harry leaved, his temper rising, “Idiot.”Uncle Vernon whispered.and after the Dursleys go into home, Harry wheeled about, crossed the front lawn, stepped over the low garden wall and was striding off up the street.

He was in trouble now and he knew it, but he did not care very much just at the moment; he seem to had much more pressing hell on his mind,…………………………..

………….,

He walked quickly, so that halfway along Magnolia Road Dudley’s gang came into view again; they were saying their farewells at the entrance to Magnolia Crescent. Harry stepped into the shadow of a large lilac tree and waited.

Harry waited for the rest of the gang to move on before setting off again. When their voices had faded once more he headed around the corner into Magnolia Crescent and by walking very quickly he soon came within hailing distance of Dudley, who was strolling along at his ease, humming tunelessly.

‘Hey, Dudley!’

Dudley turned.

‘Oh,’ he grunted. ‘Chicken,it’s you.What bad thing have you done today?’

‘You did ,nor did I.How long have you been “Big D” then?’ said Harry.

‘It’s your rump‘s bussiness! ’ snarled Dudley, turning away.

‘‘Not as stupid as you look, are you, Harry? But I s’pose, if you were, you wouldn’t be able to walk and talk at the same time….’

Harry pulled out his wand. He saw Dudley look sideways at it.

“What do you want ? Pervert!Don’t think your waste is good use , I will not tolerate your function of deformity here !”Dudley taunted.

But Harry laughed softly,it seem to with the insidious thing。

‘You haven’t got the guts to take me on even if use that NIPPLE, so-called fictitious wand。Because you are unable to fight since you borned!’ Dudley snarled.

Dudley gave a harsh bark of laughter, then adopted a high-pitched whimpering voice.

‘”Don’t kill Cedric! Don’t kill Cedric!” Who’s Cedric—your guard,potecting you from our fist’s power ?’

‘I—you’re lying,’ said Harry automatically. But his mouth had gone dry. He knew Dudley wasn’t lying—how else would he know about Cedric?

‘”Dad! Help me, Dad! He’s going to kill me, Dad! Boo hoo!” ’

‘Shut up,’ said Harry quietly. ‘Shut up, Dudley, I’m warning you!’

‘”Come and help me, Dad! Mum, come and help me! He’s killed Cedric! Dad, help me! He’s going to—” To be frank,potter,your parents never want to have a family reunion with you , because they already have knew you are RETARD ………………….’

Dudley backed into the alley wall. Harry was pointing the so-called wand directly at Dudley’s heart. Harry could feel fourteen years’ hatred of Dudley pounding in his veins—what wouldn’t he give to strike now?In Harry’s irrational idea,to jinx Dudley so thoroughly he’d have to crawl home like an insect, struck dumb, sprouting feelers—

‘Don’t ever talk about that again,’ Harry snarled. ‘Do you understand me?’

‘Put—it—down!I read to three!’Dudley snarled louder。

‘I said, do you understand me?’

‘One————!!’

‘DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?’

‘Two————!!’’Dudley snarled louder,with the vicious expression in Dudley’s eyes。

Harry gave an odd, shuddering gasp, as though he had been doused in icy water.

In Harry’s eyes,something had happened to the night. The star-strewn indigo sky was suddenly pitch black and lightless—the stars, the moon, the misty streetlamps at either end of the alley had vanished. The distant rumble of cars and the whisper of trees had gone. The balmy evening was suddenly piercingly, bitingly cold. They were surrounded by total, impenetrable, silent darkness, as though some giant hand had dropped a thick, icy mantle over the entire alleyway, blinding them.

For a split second Harry thought he had done magic without meaning to, despite the fact that he’d been resisting as hard as he could—then his reason caught up with his senses—he didn’t have the power to turn off the stars. He turned his head this way and that, trying to see something, but the darkness pressed on his eyes like a weightless veil.

in Harry’s ear,appeared Dudley’s terrified voice broke ‘W-what are you d-doing? St-stop it!’

‘I’m not doing anything! Shut up and don’t move!’

‘I c-can’t see! I’ve g-gone blind! I—’

‘I said shut up!’

It was impossible…. They couldn’t be here…. Not in Little Whinging…. He strained his ears…. He would hear them before he saw them………,

………… ,‘He said the spell automatically, desperate for light to help him in his search—and to his disbelieving relief, light flared inches from his right hand—the wand tip had ignited. Harry snatched it up, scrambled to his feet and turned around.

His stomach turned over.

A towering, hooded figure was gliding smoothly towards him, hovering over the ground, no feet or face visible beneath its robes, sucking on the night as it came.

Stumbling backwards, Harry raised his wand.

‘Expecto patronum!’————————— ———————————— ———————————

Suddenly,anything became disappeared。Dudley,who is bearing Harry on the way。As a matter of fact,it’s the dream between Dudley has knocked out Harry and the Harry ’s incantation of ‘Expecto patronum!’。Harry already had lied down the street。To Dudley’s ashamed, Dudley decided to bring Harry home。

‘Expecto patronum!’Harry struggled to whisper again。

‘Be quiet,idiot,I don’t want you wandering the street at night!” Dudley beated Harry by fist,“I forgave you once at this time!After that , I must punish you when you dare to hang out 。”

Chapter Two A Peck of Owls(My revised story)
For the moment, Dudley readjusted Scowled Harry on his shoulder and made his slow, painful way up number four’s garden path.

‘Diddy! About time too, I was getting quite—quite— Diddy, what’s the matter?’Mrs. Figg said。

Dudley looked sideways at Harry and ducked out from under his arm just in time. Harry swayed on the spot for a moment, his face pale green … then he opened his mouth and vomited all over the doormat.

‘Potter! potter,what’s the matter with you? Vernon? VERNON!’

‘Hang on—you haven’t been mugged, have you, potter?’

In all the kerfuffle nobody seemed to have noticed Dudley, which suited him perfectly. He managed to slip inside just before dad Vernon slammed the door and, while the Dursleys made their noisy progress down the hall towards the kitchen,Dudley moved carefully and quietly towards the stairs.

‘Dudley! COME HERE!’

With a feeling of dread , Dudley removed his foot slowly from the stair and turned to follow the Dursleys.

Aunt Petunia was ushering Harry into a chair; he was still very green and clammy-looking. Uncle Vernon was standing in front of the draining board, glaring at Dudley through tiny, narrowed eyes.

‘What have you done to your brother?’ Vernon said in a menacing growl.

‘Nothing,’ said Dudley, knowing perfectly well that Uncle Vernon wouldn’t believe him.

‘You are telling lie,my son?!’Vernon queried。

‘I didn’t!’Dudley said sharply, as Aunt Petunia let out a wail and Uncle Vernon raised his fists. ‘I didn’t do anything to him, it wasn’t me, it was—’

But at that precise moment a screech owl swooped in through the kitchen window. Narrowly missing the top of Uncle Vernon’s head, it soared across the kitchen, dropped the envelope it was carrying in its beak at Vernon’s feet, turned gracefully, the tips of its wings just brushing the top of the fridge, then zoomed outside again and off across the garden.

“The OWLS of my relation,it send the letter again 。 ”Vernon said relaxed。

Vernon was already ripping open the envelope and pulling out the letter inside,Vernon watched for a minute,then said:“ha,there is a wedding of my friend,he invite me to join in.”

At this time , suddenly, “Get out of the way…..If you don’t get out of the way I’m going to jinx you!…….The mad house has chucked me out!……….Vernon,So I can do whatever I like. You’ve got three seconds. One—two—!!’”Harry whispered .

‘What the hell are you shouting,idiot!”Vernon said in a menacing growl.

‘That’s enough,husband,forgive him this time.He is still in a coma。’Aunt Petunia said.

“But he is having a dream,he is saying words uttered in his dream all the time.”Vernon said .

“Let Potter have a sleep in his bedroom.”Aunt Petunia said.

“OK.”Vernon said .

‘Right,’ Harry said, ‘I’ve changed my mind, I’m staying.’

”Yes,Potter,I’ll take you to the safety.” Vernon said with a sickly smile.

Uncle Vernon lifting Harry to his bedroom,Harry always whispered:

“The first one was from the Ministry of Magic, expelling me……………The second one was from my friend Ron’s dad, who works at the Ministry……………Because I did magic!”

“Shut up!PIGHEAD,you’re nut,there is no such thing like the so-called magic around the world!” Vernon howled with no patience。

THE SECOND DAY MORNING——————————— ———

Suddenly,there was a scream ,which likes Dudley’s voice in the kicken,”MOM!MOM!HELP!”

“What happened?!” Vernon and Aunt Petunia ruch here so hurrily.

They wacth the scared expression of Dudley 。Harry was on the corner of wall,who swayed on the spot for a moment, Harry’s face pale ahd black! … then he opened his mouth and vomited the a pool of blood all over the doormat.

“I don’t know what happened to him,he had a good sleep in his room?!”Dudley said.

Vernon watched the top of a kitchen range,a bottle of ink and a bag of washing powder were here,Vernon understood immediately.As a matter of fact,Harry has been affected by poison,because he drank the bowl of poisonous liquid , which is the big bowl of boiled water mixed up with a bottle of ink and a little washing powder .Vernon get very angry immediately,”Call the ambulance hurrily,Dudley !”Vernon howled.

Dudley rush into living room to call the ambulance ,Vernon watched there is a slip of paper near by Harry,who was still vomiting the a pair of blood .Vernon noticed the slip of paper ,it writed;

Pofessor Snape,

I couldn’t pass your The Potions lesson of Grade 5,Hogwarts,you have the prejudice to me all the time .Although I failed the first test of The Potions , I never give up. I must use the potions have fight with the Voldemot by myself in the future.So I study The Potions intensively,don’t bother me anymore.

Yours,

Harry Potter

“It’s punitive justice , Potter ! ” Vernon said with the disappointment.

Finally,after the first aid of Harry,Harry had escaped the danger of life,then he’s in hospital,accept the medical treatment。When he eated the Chinese herbal medicine,Harry shouted in a coma :”That’s feeling good,just like magic!”

A few days later,Harry had been recovered to health,but he still in a coma with the move of wheelchair。Uncle Vernon wanted to find out this reason. In a moment,the doctor of the neurosurgery diagnosed,Harry has been addicted to the dreamworld,in other words,Harry has been afflicted with the Asperger’s Syndrome !!! Therefore , Vernon ‘s family can’t afford to raise Harry. Eventually they have to send Harry to the best psychiatric hospital in London , giving Harry a uncertain chance to recovery himself .

THE END———————————— ———————————

The conclusion:

There is no such thing like the so-called magic around the world.

Addresser : a Chinese

From: The People’s Republic of China

Posted by kungfuman | Report as abusive