(note: strong language in third paragraph)

“Pehdtsckjmba.” With this transparent and evocative word, Tom Waits, one of rock music’s greatest eccentrics, announced a two-and-a-half week tour through the southern United States.

Waits, who tours about as frequently as the pope, explained his Glitter And Doom Tour, ranging from Phoenix to Atlanta, with a study of astronomy. “If you think about it, from the beginning we’ve all looked to the night sky for guidance and meaning,” he said at a “press conference.”

Pointing to a map of the U.S, he noted that the route of the tour matches the constellation Hydra. He then pointed to a list of cities he would be playing and noted they formed the acronym “Pehdtsckjmba” (pronounced peh-ska-JIM-bah), which stands for “People envy happiness, dogs sense courage, knowing jubilation means better ass…sets.”

Two years ago, Waits justified the itinerary of his last two-week tour in 2006 by quipping “We need to go to Tennessee to pick up some fireworks, and someone owes me money in Kentucky.”

He had little else to say to the “press conference,” which took place in a room with apparently no people, a dozen or so empty chairs and a turntable playing crowd noise record. But for a man who regales his fans with tales of vagrants, drunks, immaculate confections, and shady characters with consulting businesses in Indonesia, it all seemed rather appropriate.