Lindsay Lohan’s breakup with celebrity DJ Samantha Ronson is good news for Eminem, who eloquently expresses his passion for the actress in his new video. 
    
The reclusive rapper took a swipe at the couple in “We Made You,” which was released on Tuesday, days after the women broke up.
    
In one scene, Eminem is driving a big rig while Lohan and Ronson lookalikes are making out next to him.
    
“He does not mean to lesbian offend, but Lindsay please come back to seeing men,” Eminem intones in his rapid clipped style. “Samantha’s a two, you’re practically a 10. I know you want me, girl. In fact I see you grin.”
    
Declaring that he’s “looking for more women to torture,” Eminem also claims he would be a better lover for actress Portia de Rossi than her wife Ellen DeGeneres. He also fantasizes about Sarah Palin, while a scantily clad lookalike of the former vice-presidential candidate poses seductively on her desk. 
    
Other targets of Eminem’s rapier wit include tabloid starlet Kim Kardashian, and singers Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson and Amy Winehouse.
    
“You think that’s bad. You should hear the rest of my album. Never has there been such finesse and nostalgia,” he promises in the video.
    
That album, “Relapse,” the follow-up to his 2004 release “Encore” is due in stores on May 19.

Pity the showbiz press pack.

About 30 reporters and TV presenters packed into an east London courtroom earlier this week to hear the sentencing of Amy Winehouse’s husband for attacking a pub landlord and then trying to cover up the crime.

Blake Fielder-Civil pleaded guilty to both charges, so the story was whether he would be handed a jail term or let off with a warning. He had already spent about nine months behind bars awaiting the judge’s decision.

So when judge David Radford began reading his ruling, we all strained to hear the decision. Trouble was, no one really understood it. One colleague of mine back in the office said a leading British broadcaster rushed out the news that Fielder-Civil had been handed a suspended sentence and so would be free to go. Judging by the happy hug Fielder-Civil gave to co-defendant Michael Brown at one point, he also got the wrong end of the stick.

In actual fact, the judge gave him 27 months, which was the headline figure most reporters phoned through to their desks. But that was also misleading. Keen to get to the bottom of what this really meant, I spoke to Fielder-Civil’s lawyer who explained that the real amount of time his client had left to serve was actually nearer four and a half months. Apparently you divide the sentence by two (equals 13.5 months) and then subtract the amount of time he has already spent in prison for the crimes (equals 4.5 months).

Anyone reading the first headlines could be forgiven for thinking that the 26-year-old, who married soul star Winehouse last year, would be behind bars well into 2010. In fact, he should be out in time for Christmas 2008.