You tell said Citigroup executive that to accept such an offer would create the appearance of impropriety, and that the only way you could complete the transaction was if a third party that was apparently unconnected with Citigroup (wink, wink) made the offer.

I commented on several blogs when this story broke that we should look closely at who agreed to rent that place for $7500/mo. It looks like a perfectly lovely place, but there are tons of similar houses on the rental market for less.

And let’s face it, Timmy is pretty much screwed since anyone who could afford the place is likely to work on Wall Street or in a related industry (law firm, consultancy, etc.). His place should be put into a blind trust until he leaves office, and the government should cover his mortgage. As a taxpayer I’d rather pick up this expense than have him “grateful” to someone he has power over.

Why you mail the keys to the bank of course.

You refuse. You tell the senior Citibank executive that in renting the house out for less than its monthly cost, you have found out that Turbotax allows a sizeable tax deduction. Just before the Citibank executive leaves, you tell him to go to the kitchen, get himself some liquid refreshment, and empty the money in the briefcase into the empty freezer compartment.

You have a couple of Japanese nationals smuggle $135 billion in untraceable Treasury bearer bonds in the false bottom of a suitcase to your Citibank contact in Italy. A mysterious Italian who is rumored to be dating Anne Hathaway then purchases your home and remodels it to the hilt.

If that fails go to Plan B.