2009 preview… from Goldman

December 23, 2008

Goldman Sachs is previewing the 2009 outlook from a light hearted perspective. “We hope readers take these thoughts in the spirit that they are meant and don’t take any offence at any of the contents,” reads the disclaimer.

The year starts with an interesting twist in the UK, where Chelsea Football Club releases a letter written to incoming US Treasury Secretary, Tim Geithner, asking whether if they signed David Beckham, would it make them eligible for TARP funds?

In February, Russian Prime Minister Putin declares that the American word recession would not be translated into Russian.

In March, President Obama announces an initiative for his infrastructure projects. Any ex Wall Street bankers that succeeded in building bridges and roads in half the planned time would be eligible for special bonuses to help keep them in the lifestyle they were used to.

In July, in yet another “who could have dreamt of that” event, Chrysler, General Motors, Ford, BMW, Daimler, Fiat, Volkswagen, and Peugeot, merge into one company, to be named “Worldcarco”. Toyota says they expect their share of the global auto market to be higher than that of Worldcarco.

In August, Chelsea, now under the ownership of the US Treasury, announces that they would no longer play football in the UK, but are joining the NFL in the US. Manchester City, having been relegated from the Premiership in May, say they are looking forward to the new season, and to prove their status as the world’s wealthiest football club.

Towards the end of the year, the Finance Ministers of the four BRIC countries meet for the first time and announce that they would not attend the IMF annual meetings. In a follow up statement, the BRIC Finance Ministers say that they are considering inviting the G7 countries to occasionally join them as members of a new “out reach” group.

5 comments

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Intersting point of view…
They just forgot that probably Goldman Sachs wont’t survive 2009 and it will be buyed by People’s Bank of China by the end of next year!
Happy new year!

Posted by fedez | Report as abusive

Maybe now that the US Treasury has a stake in Golden Slacks, the entire trading desk could be sent to Kabul to relieve US troops there. The Marines that would come home would do a much more honorable job in banking than the guys they replace. Abby Cohen could start publishing fiction, she has a lot of experience. Lloyd could finally move to Florida to save us some money.

Posted by Greg | Report as abusive

I heard that Goldman Sachs was going to merge with Citigroup and they are are going to call it……wait for it……Sachs and the Citi!

Obama elected by the people in USA to eradicate the poverty and recession.He has to pump immediate solutions aganst recession. within one or two years the fears in financial markets will go-off

Golman Sachs… the ultimate resource for lame financial humor. The comments are actually funnier than the article. Sachs and the Citi, love it.