Opinion

The Great Debate

Facebook ruined my life

February 4, 2009

— Linsey Fryatt is editor of stuff.tv. The views expressed are her own. –

linseyfryatt-stufftvIt’s facebook’s fifth birthday this week. And while I love every status-updating, picture-tagging, friend-stalking pixel of it, I often wish it had never been invented.

Its obvious time-thievery and propensity to turn me into an obsessive page refresher, jonesing for my next next notification fix aside, I find Facey-B was the first step in a downward spiral (if spirals can have steps) to my entire life being played out online in some form or other. And I’m exhausted.

“The Facebook” was started by Mark Zukerberg on Feb 4 2004 while he was a student at Harvard University. Initially it was a way for the Ivy League students to easily network and identify each other. In half a decade this pet project has grown to over 150 million members and an estimated value of $5billion.

What’s great about facebook is that unlike email, it creates a little online village of your friends – conversations are no longer singular, but circular, drawing everyone into the mix. When I recently asked what my middle name should be, I received answers from the US, France and Scotland, varying from “Sigourney” to “Riot” to “Dimmer Switch”.

What’s also great in a deliciously shallow sense is that it lets you act as your own personal PR agency. Careful selection of status updates, images and daily actions mean that “Brand Fryatt” is far more interesting, funny and having much more fun than the actual me.

But that’s also why it sucks. I find myself poring over my mates’ albums of them teaching in Thailand, skiing in the Alps, partying in Shoreditch, and wonder where my life went wrong, why their friends look more fun than mine, and why I’m still up at 2am on a Wednesday.

And please, can my friends with babies just STOP putting their progeny as their profile pictures? It may have your DNA, but it’s not you. And that goes twice for ultrasound images.

Facey-B has also affected the way I act in the “real world” too. Going to a gig, meeting your mates down the pub, going on holiday – all are at some level Facebook events in my head before they’ve even begun – I start envisioning the Facebook presence before I’ve had my second pint.

Like when digicams hit the mainstream, the event itself turns into an exercise in projecting a good time just as much as having a good time. Note the lack of snaps of people crying in toilets because their boyfriend’s dumped them. Maybe there should be a Miserybook.

facebook-sad2

(Graphic courtesy of stuff.tv)

But what stings the most in my love/hate relationship with FB is that it’s only the first step. It’s merely the first stitches in a tapestry of multi-layered communication that could literally end up being my life’s work.

I can send geotagged snaps to Flickr and let Geo Photo stick them in Google Earth, Twittytunes will send a Twitter feed of everything I’m listening to using my Foxytunes browser add-on, I can share my Netflix list with my friends – and Friend Feed will aggregate all this information so that every minutae of my life can become its own mini documentary. And not a very interesting one at that.

But I’m painting a pretty dark picture here – when at their best, these new tools for communication, networking and citizen reporting give the world an amazing (and amazingly democratic) way to keep connected. But happy-clappy webtopia aside, the 55 unread Tweets I’ve received since I’ve been writing this has sent me into a state of utter hypertension.

That’s it – I’m off to change my status to “Linsey is having a lie down”…

Comments
49 comments so far | RSS Comments RSS

Facebook has answered many questions about people I used to know and talk to. People make choices, not websites. Have some accountability.

Posted by Barry | Report as abusive
 

I remember first hearing about facebook through some friends in the US who went to university out there. They raved about it and persuaded me to join. The issue at that time was as it was a new craze in the US, it hadn’t really hit the UK and none of my UK based friends were on it, let alone had heard of it. I existed on facebook for about a year with all of 3 friends! Then the tables started to turn and the UK caught up – suddenly I had 120 friends (who cares if they were my friend in baby school) and I started to feel validated…! I couldn’t believe how every conversation in the “real world” began with “did you see on facebook” – I think my amazement in just how far this phenomenon had gone was when my brother told me his friend had been “dumped” over facebook – her boyfriend’s status had gone from being “in a relationship” to “single” and that’s the first she’d heard of it! Whilst I welcome and applaud the social networking revolution, it does scare me to see younger cousins of mine speaking to their friends almost completely over the internet and not going for a coffee or to the park to see them. Facebook in my opinion, should compliment real life, not become it… everything in moderation is good for you. However emails, facebook, twitter, blackberrys have created a nation of people who can’t turn off and have become addicted to (often useless) information…

Posted by Katie | Report as abusive
 

What are we debating here? People can go overboard with Facebook? I concede the point. Next debate…

Posted by Winchester73 | Report as abusive
 

Facebook is not a book. Time wasted on Facebook may be put to better use reading an actual book.

Posted by Mike Carroll | Report as abusive
 

I am a first year University student and can categorically state that FB will be the undoing of myself an countless other students worldwide. As we speak I am supposed to be studying but instead I am writing this and then in the next tab I have FB. FB instant chat will also be the end of students everywhere. It is just yet another excuse to procrastinate. There are even FB groups such as “If I Fail My Degree, I Want Compensation From FaceBook”.

Posted by Emmajane | Report as abusive
 

I love Facebook!
It got me out of a very depressive moment in my life, and I admit it was a huge dose of Get a life for me! Besides, nothing like reconnect with people you used to live around once, and that perhaps nowadays would not be “around you”if there was no Facebook!
Bad sides? Well… Living has its bad sides too, right?

Posted by Leonardo Santos | Report as abusive
 

Facebook is the ultimate example of the pure vanity of life

Posted by Soloman | Report as abusive
 

Facebook, Twitter, etc are not the problem. The problem is that you refuse to take responsibility for your own actions. Quit blaming external things and take control of your own life. FB, Twitter, etc are only tools and you need to learn to use them wisely. Quit being a baby and practice a little self-control.

Posted by John | Report as abusive
 

For the people that disagree with facebook – Lets not forget the step forward in future of business networking that a website like this provides, although it may be invasive at times, it is 100% your decision to post any information on there – be it at all, and who you connect with. I think what facebook stands for is an example of the future in Internet networking from a business point of view. Facebook really is the first website that without doubt every person is aware of virtually. However this is a Personal Networking site, hence the popularity. But if you injected the same “hype” into a networking site such as Linked-in or Xing, Business´ will come to depend on outsourcing other business´s though websites such as one of facebook with a more professional prospective. And so long as we bare this in mind, the future continues to look very bright despite the economic downturn we are all suffrering from at present with a limitless future facing us – Just wait for the next facebook, and the next, and the next! Eventually Networking will be the future of everything. What a smashing invention – Viva la Facebook!

Posted by Rhys | Report as abusive
 

True, Facebook has a heart. It has proved to us all that we can keep in touch under one social networking site – even while out of touch.

 

People should stop and think. Facebook is a great way to share comments, photos news etc etc with a few people at the same time who are across the world. Which honestly, and email will do as well perhaps not as quick nor with the same interactivity.

But alot of people do spend part of their lifes, uploading news photos, as if to prove “I was there and did this and the other”, tagging other people, commenting, etc etc etc. Its such as waste on our time.

I know someone who uploading over a thousand photos. WHY? And who on is the poor soul who is ever going to scroll through all of them? and again, WHY?

Todays, populations needs to get a life. ( ok i know im writting this) but go out there and interact with your friends face to face. not over a PC screen.

Next debate?

Posted by Floriano | Report as abusive
 

so? whats the point of the article? am I missing something? is a choice, you either use fbook or not, you choose.

Posted by thePointIs? | Report as abusive
 

Facebook can be a very useful tool for keeping in touch with friends, meeting old ones. But as Barry aptly put it ‘Have some accountability’, because it is peoples own choice to spend their time fiddling with facebook, and putting their lives online for everybody to see. In this world of marketing, Facebook seems like the ultimate source for market research: they can read about your favourite music, tv, films, books, colour, food, hair style, cars, habits, etc etc etc. It is self-indulgence, a typical example of why humans are quickly climbing the Endangered Species list.

Posted by Nick Cook | Report as abusive
 

Like everything in life if you abuse it will hurt you in some way. Internet addiction is like any addiction, and like any addiction you always have the choice to do it or not.

I am not in favor of Facebook or any other networking site, but I liked the fact that because of Facebook demonstrations were organised when people needed to demonstrate (the death of the 16 years old boy from the police in Athens, Israel’s war crimes against Palestine). So, all in all, I just don’t think it’s all bad, you just need to be able to control yourself, don’t you think?

Posted by Nico Kolokythas | Report as abusive
 

I remember when facebook was pretty much just my Uni (St. Andrews) along with Oxford and Cambridge and then the Ivy Leagues of America. It was great, no status updates, no minifeed and no stupid applications.

I believe, having met some of the facebook team in the last year on the golf courses of St. Andrews, that it’s rapid expansion took them by surprise as much the rest of us. And while they have tried to keep ads to a minimum, gradually this wonderful tool is getting taken over by “Tools” and their tools and applications.

I am now getting fed up, as a single 23 year old, of ads in the margin saying “Would you make a good boyfriend” and “Still single, why? find girls here!” And i wonder how far this will go. Will ads one day react to status, so if i was to put “Rob is hungover” would i get ads for Alcoholics anonymous along with ads for clubs and bars.

Will facebook live for ever as an ad mans wet dream or fizzle out like the remnants of facebook addicts social lives?

Posted by Rob Grounds | Report as abusive
 

Hey, this is a great article. I joined FB about 4-5 months ago. I love it. In fact you could probably say I’m obsessed with it. FB has given me a chance to keep up with friends I no longer see since I’ve become disabled. I don’t get out much, so I correspond on the internet. It’s handy because everyone is at the same place. I’ve met wonderful people from all ovr the world on FB. Yes, they post pictures of places I’d love to see but never will in person. It’s great.

I think I’m going to follow your lead and ask what my middle name should be. I’ll try to let you know the results. I’m sure my friends will come up with some good (and perhaps unprintable) ones.

Posted by Lana | Report as abusive
 

It is my considered opinion that fb and the likes show up serious flaws in humanoids’ psyche. Who the hell cares who /what / when / why / with whom you did whatever. You are supremely perverse if you consider it necessary to inflict your life upon others. If you spend time uploading pix blogs etc etc then maybe you’ve missed the whole point of existing on Earth. I also wish this type of website had never ever seen the light of day. It is an utterly appalling waste of time, money, space and human endeavour – there are so much more important things to consider in this world. Get a life!!

Posted by Larry | Report as abusive
 

To me, things like facebook are not the “cause” of anything in life…but merely the result of us. Saying the facebook “causes” wasting of time is a lot like saying that the arrival of megastore Walmart “causes” the closing of small mom-n-pop stores. It doesn’t.

When Walmart arrives, it simply offers what needs were brewing in the town for years before Walmart got there. The need/want of cheapie price. Thus, when Walmart arrives, the herds of people flock.

Way before Facebook arrived…don’t lie….people were dying for some way to be idle and “waste time” chatting (and blogging, and texting). And when Facebook arrived….again….people flocked. But the desire to sit around and yack existed from way before. It’s just that Facebook provide a way to actually “do” it.

Like I began saying, Facebook it only a reflection of our society…not the “cause” of anything.

Posted by Curtis | Report as abusive
 

I’m not sure which is more hilarious – the article itself, or how many people have missed the point. It certainly gave me a chuckle with my coffee this morning, and as for those who fail to see the humour, perhaps you take yourselves – and your facebookery – a bit too seriously!!!!

Posted by Kerri | Report as abusive
 

Relax …is only a tool of communication…how we used it is our choice.
By now I am using it to be near friends I care… even in the distance.

Posted by Maria | Report as abusive
 

I detest Facebook, the depressing uniform blue look, the ‘amusing’ status updates by sad people trying to appear more fun than they are. The photo albums showing ‘mental’ nights out, I guess you had to be there. The collecting of friends to show how popular you to your other friends. Its pathetic and a dangerous step towards the centralization of personal data. Use it to find people and then use email instead, then you will only communicate when something is worth the effort.

Posted by Scott | Report as abusive
 

I am avoiding facebook like the plague.

I don’t know how long I am going to be able to resist.
Don’t get me wrong, I love social networking, but I choose to participate in smaller groups.

I am not as naive as I may sound… but I believe that the moment I enter facebook my privacy will go down the toilet.

I don´t WANT EVERYBODY TO KNOW I have embarked on an escapade for the weekend, I don´t want to know that you got wasted (and looked terribly puffy by the way) when you got out last friday night with your friends.

I am totally aware that I may sound retrograde or avoiding the inevitable, but I will resist facebook for as long as I can.

If my social network is comprised of the entire world, then there is no social network to speak of, no leverage, no selection.

Facebook sucks because it has no limits nor people wanting to enforce them.

Posted by P | Report as abusive
 

Initially I had fun with Facebook, but then it became a sort of spygame for me, what my friend did, what they wrote… then in my mind I started to ask myself… why he/she put this particular photo, why he/she,s writing that… they’re telling everything or not, someone is chatting out of the public zone, what does he/she really mean writing a phrase… and so on.
I gave up.

Posted by JACK | Report as abusive
 

I finally joined FB a couple weeks ago, and was instantly stalked down by many friends from high school, as well as several clients from the past. I’m “older” on the internet, and have been using the web socially since the mid nineties (hooray for telnet and wall). I’d already learned my time-wasting-while-”socially networking”-online lesson years ago before I finally joined Facebook.

I’d say learn to turn off your computer and phone. There’s a reason why I don’t have an iPhone/3G OMGLOLBBQ phone with every doodad/feature possible…I know I’d spend a hojillion hours a day not being productive. I use my phone to text and talk, that’s it.

I worry that the West will end up with people that have several phones to differentiate between their real life and their online life, like in Japan.

Posted by Five | Report as abusive
 

Facebook is a way where you can get in touch with your long lost friends. There’s always pros and cons. It really depends on how you utilize it. If you want to keep it low profiles, and want to share certain info with your close friends, then change the settings. The settings in Facebook is not that complicated, it allows you to restrict certain group of people to access to your data / block those you never wish to get in touch with. :)

Posted by Xtine | Report as abusive
 

Your article about the plus and minus of Facebook is very nice. But should we be someway adicted to Facebook. I use it as well and see many of my friends updating their profiles regulalry. But you are not obliged to do that. Most of the people do it also from a sense of fun. So if you make it, feel it’s a fun. Not to make it a headache :-) . That’s bad and it comes from you, not from Facebook.

 

Facebook was interesting for the first few weeks I was on it a couple of years ago, but its superficiality eventually turned me off to such an extent that in the end all I was doing was playing Scrabulous with a couple of friends. Once that was killed off, I haven’t been back.

Blogging’s way more fun anyway.

 

Facebook has made me feel so lonely and alone. I used to talk to my friends on the phone and visit them. I thought they were my friends. Now there is no communication. Just announcements. I have been told, anything I need to know is on their facebook or blog. What I need is not to know, but to communicate and interact with humans. What I need is to hear a voice, to be comforted, to comfort, to share a meal with people who love me. I will never get a facebook. It goes against my dignity and humanity. I am not an advertising gimmic, selling myself. These “friends” of mine aren’t even selling anything anymore. They have cut off access to each other. I know more about their lives than ever before, yet I no longer know them. That is lonely and it hurts deeply.

Posted by shane | Report as abusive
 

Dear Reuter – The Great Debate

Nothing invented in the world can ruin your life unless you allowed it to.

Sex can ruin your life if that is all you think about and seek. Working too hard all the time can ruin your life if that is all you do. Watching ‘American Idol’ or replay of ‘Sex and the Cities’ will ruin your life if that’s all you do. And the list can go on and on and on…

I do not use Facebook. I do MSN, Yahoo Messenger and Skye. But I retrict each chat to 15-min max and I do not allowed myself too many chats a day!

Is this bad for my social life? No! I still volunteer at the local community probabtion services branch. I still go for my 10-12km jog twice a week. I still have friends to go out and have lunch and dinner with.

So, it is in your hand. It is in your head. You decide if you will allow Facebook or Linked-In or MySpace or whatever ruin your life.

Best regards
LU Keehong Mr.

Posted by LU Keehong | Report as abusive
 

If people developed their social skills they would have no need for these things. I rather have a face to face conversation with my friends over coffee or a drink than sit on a computer for hours. It amuses me when I see articles like this.. I wonder if they are written by those individuals I occasionally meet and have not much to say..

Posted by David | Report as abusive
 

I believe facebook & myspace are deteriorating social contact, and abilities to interact face to face. I’d rather talk to someone in person, than leave a comment & wait for a response. This world has become technologically connected where human contact is suffering.

Posted by Robby | Report as abusive
 

To all those bad mouthing my friend Facebook, saying it discourages face to face socialising and depletes peoples ability to communicate, what the hell are you talking about? People who have social lives have not have them killed off by Facebook. People haven’t forgotten how to interact in person because of electronic means of communicating. If you think so then you’re mad as a bag of balloons. Your logic is warped, did the telephone kill off peoples ability to communicate to each other? Did TV kill of individuals or organisations ability to communicate to the masses? Of course it didn’t you mugs, these inventions in the least changed some parameters of communication, and some rules too but in large enhanced the world at larges ability to communicate.
Facebook means you don’t get to go for coffee with your friends? Get a grip.

Posted by Matt McCormick | Report as abusive
 

I’m an international traveler, gone from where I’m from 90% of the time, have met a lot of people in my day but am not good at keeping up with everybody, im a little lazy with correspondence, and I’m often out of contact – moving around and changing contact details.
So, that being me, the things I like about FB:

1. to the question, why don’t you send us some pics or post some online? FB gives me the place to do it,, so i don’t have to hassle again with finding them and uploading them to yet another photo website requiring people to add passwords and crap. They know i’m on fb, so if they want to see anything, look there. Also a handy place to backup photos, i can’t remember the spots i put photos before

2. People from my past can find me, say hi, give th quick high 5, and we both get a chuckle from having been able to say hello when the only other option would have been to never say hi again

3. For those that know i’m on facebook, they don’t have to fumble finding my email address or whatever, they just click me and whamo, and the interface has a very clean running log of the email history

4. It’s easy to set two people up for any kind of connection,,

5. I don’t have to dig for people’s email addresses or hope it pops up in my email programs (i know it isn’t hard to do but like i said i’m lazy)

6. I don’t have to do anything with it,, it just sits there and people can tell me hi,, no one makes you look at other people’s stuff

i had more pluses but forgot them,,
but once you have it set up, use it like you want and then go read that book!

Posted by ste | Report as abusive
 

“”Others lives, your entertainment… you watch, while they live it.”"

- thank you FB.

Posted by unknown | Report as abusive
 

I have found Facebook to be very useful! It’s great to reconnect with friends from high school & college. I can also stay in contact with friends who live in other states and countries. How much/often you want to use it depends on you!

Posted by Sandra | Report as abusive
 

Maybe if you guys didn’t suck so much, it wouldn’t be such a problem.

Facebook is a great way to keep tabs on with those that you would otherwise not keep in touch. If you need to use it to keep in touch with people you ought to be seeing in person on a daily basis, then maybe you have poor social skills, with or without facebook.

If you find yourself envying those that you know on facebook, again, I think it is a problem with you sucking and not doing enough to satisfy yourself. Get off your ass.

This is just one more example of someone trying to push off personal responsibility onto some excuse.

Are there going to be friends that only want to spy on you? Sure. . . who cares though? Maybe you should have thought about the character of that person before you let them be your friend on facebook.

I guess the bottom line is that if facebook bothers you, if you can’t control yourself and your emotions, if you don’t like people knowing about you. . . STOP USING FACEBOOK!

Posted by Adrien | Report as abusive
 

Thought the terror of the computer was going to be restricted to government departments, especially the tax man.

We live and learn. (Remember, time spent communicating with people who are far away is time which cannot be spent communicating with people who are nearby.)

Posted by michael | Report as abusive
 

Hi Linsey! And hi you that are reading this…

This is a community:

http://www.couchsurfing.com

A community that links “virtual” with “real”.

 

Facebook is not like the phone or email at all! Anyone who thinks that it is a step in the evolutionary ladder of communication is bonkers!

Facebook is a walled garden and a spammer’s paradise masquerading as a place for you to connect. Facebook requires you to post multiple photos or you, your friends and your life. (I know only one photo is required). But, you look kind of lonely and sad without all the rest – so in that sense it is a requirement.

Also, deep down it is all about competition and ego stroking. Since when did the phone or email add on all of these weighty features. Give me a break!

Now, Twitter – that’s better: like one big party it focuses on the communication first and foremost. But, none of my friends are on twitter – just two. Meanwhile everyone I know is on Facebook – argh.

Hopefully something less time destructive, intrusive and fake will come along, then I will jump onboard whole-heartedly.

Posted by Yasmin | Report as abusive
 

facebook although an easy way to stay connected to friends it is also dangerous just like myspace.com.

Posted by jennie1995 | Report as abusive
 

This article its just another iteration of my already fervently opposed position against facebook. Linsey highlighted the pros of using and updating this database as well as some cons, such as wildly trivialising the social activites/inactivites that a person partakes in. Using facebook turns people on the verge into a self professed social recluse, to use a quote: “I start envisioning the Facebook presence before I’ve had my second pint”. Frequent users of this massive databse system seem to usually want to out do eachother, I have heard some funny testosterone fueled conversation comparing the amount of friends one has attached to their name and other such petty competitions. Example: Girl A calls girl B and lets it that girl B updated her facebook profile, immediatley after the phone conversation girl A will be up till 2am on a wednesday night making sure all her photoes are uploaded and tagged and the “What are you doing now” dialogue updated.

I think its safe to say that ever user of facebook, and many non users, realise that this is just another medium with which to map peoples lives, to group and segregate people into social and fiscal classes and assimilate each byte of inormation to further diagnos the actions, passions, emotions of the human being.

Regardless of all this Facebook is a fantastic networking tool when used with subtlety. Why is it so important that all our actions be mapped on a website for all our “friends” and people in our network to see? That thinking will turn you into an incessant page refresher hellbent on seeing the next notification as soon as it pops. In my opinion such boundless obsession of self advertisement is similiar to an adolescent reflex such as making sure that you wear less than all your girly friends when going out, so that you get all the attention and not them. And when does it stop? Does it stop at the trivial, or does it stop only when one has exposed the entire contents of their soul in text and images across a $5 billion website for all to see?

Getting to the stage where Linsey admittedly was at is an inevitability when one feels they need to climb the social ladder. Having said all this, facebook is a great way to do that, though it can be at a large price.

Posted by relic | Report as abusive
 

Facebook has given many happily married men and women that I know a window to their past. Not only to “friends” but to ex-b/f’s & GF’s and has created (where there once was none) temptation, curiosity, deception (by not telling your husband or wife that you are chatting with this person) and in some cases infidelity. If you can not tell your husband or wife who you communicate with online then it’s WRONG. At the time it seems exciting but in the end, its wrong. And you have the temptation of facebook to thank…

Posted by Jordan | Report as abusive
 

Here’s my story for those bored sitting reading on the computer.

Last September my boyfriend of almost 10 years and I got married, in a beautiful elopement ceremony. We were both so excited about the wedding and the marriage after.

To back up…..we are ages (me 54 and he 56 now), so we are adults who should know what we are doing. We’ve done a long distance relationship weekends for 10 years…and spent every summer and other vacations together. My husband is originally from where I live. Because of the distance we have kept two houses, one in each city. The long distance involved over 1.5 hour drive each way. We both have children from our first marriages, and now they are independent…well at least mine are..both have great jobs, his still live in his house and pay rent. All the kids are now 25-28 years in age range.

Everything was perfect…until one night in February….I had chest pains and my husband took me to the hospital. I was admitted as they feared I had an heart attack from the blood work. I also had to go to a neighbouring hospital later the next week for an angiogram. The good news is I did not have a heart attack.

The night of my hospital admittance…my husband just melted…he cried and couldn’t drive, he couldn’t use the telephone he was so upset. My daughter finally arrived….(3 hour drive to get to us)… In the middle of the night my husband went on Facebook and messaged a lady he had a relationship with in University….that was the end of our marriage. I noticed that he had changed towards me, but thought he was just worried about my health. He started working out 2 times a day, saying we had had a wake up call. He lost 25 lbs. in 3 months and looked great. He started making excuses about going to ball games, and stuff in the city…which was okay because I felt we’d be together all summer. Meanwhile these excuses were just to run off and be with her. During all of this I decided to sell my big house and found a nice smaller house that would be easier for me to look after until our retirement and we could be together. We both plan to retire within 2 years.

Here’s the sad part…the day after I moved in my new house….he left town and phoned me and told me “We’ve had 10 great years” but “I’m not the one for him”. Through ways of my own I figured out where he was… this left me totally deviasted… in February before I got sick…he had cards telling me how much he loved me, etc.. Everyone could see how much he loved me.

Right now they appear to be trying to act like University kids again….it’s like a fantasy from 35 years ago… It’s like he is trying to be young again. Mid life crisis or really the love of his life? He was willing to throw away what seemed to be our perfect marriage. He even told me after he left, I was the perfect wife that I had done nothing wrong. It was him, and this fantasy he’s had going on in his head for years.

He’s already told me he wants a divorce. We had a marriage agreement (thankfully), but I think this just made it easier for him. His family is deviasted….and hurt.

This is the short of a long story…..I guess I feel had I not got sick…he would have done this some other time…. I’m so confused how can you go from loving someone so much to wanting to be with someone else in a matter for just weeks?? Can something just cause you to snap….and you lose your way and your soul??

What made this all very easy was apparently this lady has an unlisted phone number, so her location was unknown to him. Having the world have access to you via Facebook….made it very easy for him to have a drink and send her an email. The bottom line is he probably would have done this sometime during our marriage, so it’s probably best he’s gone off to live in “Neverneverland”….or is it “Fantasy Land” now. Also, my sickness had nothing to do with him doing this. He said he thought I was going to die….well it was quite clear that night I was not dying!! Just a lame excuse. He said he wished he could go back and not send the email…..but the damage has been done. So many lives have been affected and so many people have been hurt. I still don’t understand woman who get involved with a man when they know he’s married. Where’s people morals and values.

So, I guess I can say I had a Hollywood marriage of 5 months, that was destroyed by the ease of Facebook.

Posted by Sharon | Report as abusive
 

My parents have not had a perfect marriage to say the least. I have always suspected that my dad had cheated on my mom in the past & he is a terrible flirt which always leaves one wondering. About 5 years ago he got very serious with one of my mom’s best friends. I have no actual proof that they had an affair but in my gut I know that he did. Now I see them all chummy on Facebook and I want to scream. He is publically humiliating my mom. He lives in his little fantasy world while my mom sits at home. In the old days if they had been carrying on, at least I wouldn’t have to witness it as I am now on FB. Well, as I did. I deactivated my account just b/c I can’t bare to read their crap anymore.

Posted by Lori C. | Report as abusive
 

My relationship with my wife have been rocky over the last ten years. Like a lot of people ther were ups and downs, good times and bad. ovet the last three years, I have medical problems (prostate cancer and a stroke) She was there by my side through it all. February of 2009, she got on face book. She found her ex husband. They chated on line, then called on the phone (she hide the phone called from me until I confronted her with the phone record. They reunited had dinner and lunch. She told me she still had feeling for him and that he wasn’t the bad guy she painted him over the years. She has met another old lover through face book. They both have called her. she would talk to them when I’m not at home or would go someplace else away to talk to them. she has introduce her ex to my daugher. Last sunday she told me that her needs are not being met in our relationship and she wants me to move out. She wants a seperation. She love me and want to be friends in parenting our daughers. Yeah Facebook

Posted by Roger | Report as abusive
 

Like Linsey, I believe that the most interesting and powerful (and threatening) attribute of facebook is that it enables us to represent ourselves with an unprecedented degree of control and speed, and to an unprecedentedly large audience. Whereas before, we could sms or email words or photos to each other, chat one-on-one via msn messenger, or post videos on youtube (not to mention those more ancient forms of communication: verbal and physical), with facebook we have a unified, integrated and panoptic medium through which we can tailor communication, and therefore representations of ourselves, to all each other at once. We are all (far more so, and more self-consciously so, than before) artists of our own forms, authors of our own lives.

This unprecedented level of control over self-representation is concerning from the individual perspective; as in the case of the anorexic and the bodybuilder, the temptation to become preoccupied with representing oneself brings with it the risk of alienation, self-obsession, and all-encompassing anxiety. In short, we reduce ourselves to objects, and the stress that this subject-position entails.

Moreover, the spontaneity of speech and gesticulation are lost in the facebook universe, and accordingly, also lost is the wonderful unpredictability of these media. Similarly, the panopticism of the facebook platform places an incredible cache of importance on each communication; when we ask a newsagent how much the paper costs, we are unlikely to be as concerned with his or her reaction as when we publish a photo of ourselves to the entire body of persons with whom we’ve ever had social contact.

Finally (and somewhat paradoxically), I can’t help but see facebook as a device that actually places us back in the metaphorical village. Having enjoyed some decades of the sheer anonymity of urban existence, and the electrifying possibility of reinvention of identity that that landscape at least promised to bring, we now once again find ourselves looking over our neighbours’ fences, gossiping at the corner store, scrunching up our faces at our cousin’s husband’s antics. And, more importantly, we now know that we are being glanced at through the pickets, gossiped about at the milkbar, and sniggered at over the dinner table. Our “village” might span five continents and encompass many hundred people, but it nevertheless consists, like it once might have, of people we’re related to, went to school with, worked with, and slept with. No wonder this odd little thing is so incredibly important that we’re up til 2am on a Wednesday doing it…

Posted by Andreas | Report as abusive
 

Facebook….blah! My family and my ex-girlfriends becoming Facebook friends. People who wished me who I never want contact with again getting information about me through “friends” and relatives.

If you turn down a facebook request from a co-worker you don’t care for…..well, that doesn’t make life at the workplace any easier – does it? And what happens when your supervisor wants to be a Facebook friend? Then you really have to monitor and censor what you or your friends post.

As a part-time actor there is pressure on me from the film company to remain on Facebook in order to promote our films and events. I’m at the point where I might risk my acting career/hobby for the sake of my privacy.

The first six months on FB were OK. But FB has really proven to be a bane of existence for me. I’ve already set my exit date – after my next film premieres I’m bailing!

I am relieved to see posts from other people on this page who aren’t Psychological Facebook clones. I was beginning to think I was completely alone with my mixed feelings about FB.

Though I’m setting my profile cancellation date, I’m a little nervous about it because I’ve heard that leaving Facebook is harder than getting out of the mafia!

Posted by ToughTheMovie | Report as abusive
 

I vaguely remember life before Facebook… http://jessseeker.wordpress.com/2012/02/ 23/life-before-facebook/

Posted by jessseeker | Report as abusive
 

Facebook ruin ed my life, I am from the uk and I was using facebook since 14 at the age of 15 I was added by a young man who I was speaking with for a good year until he convinced me to meet him being very vulnerable and having problems at home as I have an autistic brother who at the time was very violent I thought Yeah why not ? and I contionuously stayed there everynight for about a year lieing about where I was and using excuses to where I was. We wasnt in a relationship but he would get angry or if i did something wrong he would be very violent then he admitted his past of really badly assualting woman I ended up in a/e a lot, he hit me round the head once which I had to call an ambulance for because him or his parents didnt seem to be bovered about the fact my head was dripping with blood. He is well known in m town to be addicted to facebook after I returned home I constantly recieved abuse through facebook murder threats towards my family and myself I couldnt sleep and now I have moved out as I do not feel safe there anymore I suffer extremely terrble nightmares and if i think about it to much i get myself into a right old state. still to this day I have not reported it to the police and i wont ever do it because its not worth it but theres much more which I cant reveal as I havent told anyone I dont know why but I just cant. I’m not saying facebook is the reason this happened but if I didnt have facebook i would have never had a year of bullying. I did steal once from him admittedly and I dont know why I did I was in a bad way he would just get angry and jump on me and kick and shake me agrressivily. I would scream and his parents wouldnt do anything! His laptop broke once as he was hiding something on there and he slammed it shut whenever i tried to look and the screen broke to he repeatedly hit me in the head with it …it didnt hurt i protetced my head with my hands. but if i didnt i could have been seriously hurt. I reported a number of things on facebook death threats, just threats all round but nothing its like a bloody robot isnt it? crazy !! I am only 17 now so only 2 years on and ive lost everything i had but now I have a better life and better boyfriend I dont have any friends but im working on it i find it hard to make friends now as I dont like to leave the house unless its for work and I get extremely lonely and I think people don’t want to be my friend because of the nervous person I am. But basically facebook and made a very very negative history in my life so far. With the information I have given you wouldnt understand why I hate facebook but if I could reveal the rest you would… lets just say its shameful.

Posted by J-O-Y | Report as abusive
 

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