India Masala

Teen Thay Bhai: No brotherly love

At one point in director Mrighdeep Singh Lamba’s movie, “Teen Thay Bhai”, one of the protagonists wakes up in a police van, looks around blearily and asks his brothers, “Where are these police constipators taking us?”. Of course, he means constables. At that point, you will know, or at least I did, that this film was beyond redemption. Shreyas Talpade plays the offender, Fancy Gill, a small-time Punjabi actor who, along with his two elder brothers is forced to spend a couple of days in a deserted mountain home every year, as part of a condition in their grandfather’s will. Of course, the trio cannot stand each other and fight and claw their way through those two days, even tying up each other with rope and stuffing their faces down chimney’s. Om Puri and Deepak Dobriyal play the other two brothers – Chixi and Happy – and the film is essentially nothing but a long-drawn out, unfunny and ridiculous film that gets more and more ridiculous as the script wears out and the director resorts to gags and toilet humour to save the day. Eventually, the brothers end up getting arrested for possession of narcotics, beating up a police officer, escaping from jail, getting entangled with a group of foreigners who feed them paranthas and chasing random men around snowy slopes. By this time I had lost track. There really isn’t much more to say about this excuse of a film – except that Deepak Dobriyal is the only one who seems to be trying to make something out of his role as a meek dentist. Avoid.

At one point in director Mrighdeep Singh Lamba’s movie “Teen Thay Bhai”, one of the protagonists wakes up in a police van, looks around blearily and asks his brothers, “Where are these police constipators taking us?”

Of course, he meant constables. At that point, you will know or at least I did, that this film is beyond redemption.

Shreyas Talpade plays the offender, Fancy Gill, a small-time Punjabi actor who, along with his two elder brothers is forced to spend a couple of days in a deserted mountain home every year, as part of a condition in their grandfather’s will. Of course, the trio cannot stand each other and fight and claw their way through those two days, even tying up each other with rope and stuffing their faces down chimneys.

Om Puri and Deepak Dobriyal play the other two brothers — Chixi and Happy — and the film is essentially nothing but a long-drawn-out, unfunny and ridiculous film that gets more and more ridiculous as the script wears out and the director resorts to gags and toilet humour to save the day.

No, Thank You

I’m going to keep this one short because there’s really not much I can say about Anees Bazmee’s “Thank You” that I haven’t already said about films of this genre – in other words, the “leave your brains at home” films that we seem to churn out with alarming regularity. This one seems to be a re-hash of Bazmee’s earlier “No Entry”, which at least had a couple of nice songs and some funny moments. This one has nothing but offensive dialogue, bad jokes and even worse acting. Akshay Kumar plays Kishen, a modern day love doctor who spies on philandering husbands and helps their wives take “revenge” on them. The film runs on the premise that men are sure to stray, but, like the men in the movie, if they catch their wives even pretending to have an affair, they can take the high moral ground and lecture them on the sanctity of marriage. Bobby Deol plays one of those men, Raj, while Irrfan Khan and Suneil Shetty play his friends. All three are having affairs with various women and get away with it by throwing flimsy excuses at their wives, which the women gladly gobble up. That is, until Kishen comes into the picture, ensures that their wives exact revenge on them and leave the men pining. Of course, the fact that he’s been caught cheating several times and doesn’t even seem to regret it doesn’t stop Bobby Deol’s character from delivering a five minute monologue to his wife Sanjana (Sonam Kapoor) on how she’s hasn’t respected their marriage by flirting with Kishen. “At least I did it on the sly, but you are doing it openly”, he tells her. Who can argue with such sound logic? Of the cast, only Irrfan Khan looks remotely comfortable in his role, while everyone else is rank bad. Special mention to Sonam Kapoor who looks lovely but cannot emote genuinely in a single scene – especially for a woman who is supposed to be going through the heartbreak of infidelity. If you liked “No Problem” “Housefull” and “Kambakkhth Ishq”, then this might be the film for you. Everyone else, run far away from any theatre showing this film.

I’m going to keep this one short because there’s really not much I can say about Anees Bazmee’s “Thank You” that I haven’t already said about films of this genre – in other words, the “leave your brains at home” films that we seem to churn out with alarming regularity.

This one seems to be a re-hash of Bazmee’s earlier “No Entry”, which at least had a couple of nice songs and some funny moments. This one has nothing but offensive dialogue, bad jokes and even worse acting.

F.A.L.T.U: Youthful but doesn’t deliver

The movie is about four friends, three of whom barely manage to pass in school and are not admitted into any college.

To fudge it to their parents, they create a fake university — Fakirchand and Lakirchand Trust University — and hence the title acronym – F.A.L.T.U

Game: This one’s a washout

Everybody loves a good murder – and unfortunately, Bollywood doesn’t do too many of them. Abhinay Deo’s “Game” tries to fill that void, with a murder mystery about a tycoon who is shot dead on his private island.

Anupam Kher plays the dead man, Kabir Malhotra, one of the world’s richest men who mysteriously invites four strangers to his private island in Greece, because he believes they have something to do with the death of his abandoned daughter Maya (Sarah Jane Dias).

Tanu Weds Manu: Doesn’t soar, but will make you smile

Director Anand Rai’s “Tanu Weds Manu” is a romantic comedy about a meek doctor who falls in love with a feisty, rebellious Kanpur girl, as a result of which he finds himself in the middle of what can only be described as sticky situation, and staring down the barrel of a gun. R Madhavan plays Manoj Sharma aka Manu, a sweet, docile doctor, who inspite of having lived alone in London for more than a decade, wants an arranged marriage with a girl from the Indian heartland and falls in love with the first girl he sees, at one glance, while she is asleep. Kangana Ranaut plays the sleeping girl aka Tanu aka Tanuja Trivedi, who is nothing like the simple village belle Manu imagines her to be when she wakes up. While smoking a cigarette, she tells him that she doesn’t want to get married to him because she already has a boyfriend and has no intention of marrying someone her parents have chosen for her. Disappointed, Manu returns home, but when he runs into her again at a friends wedding, a fledgling romance seems to develop between two people with absolutely nothing in common. Rai’s first half is a rollicking ride and you don’t find your attention wavering at all. The dialogues, by Himanshu Sharma,are sparkling and you will find yourself laughing out loud at several places. Also, it’s a refreshing change to see a heroine who is feisty and not afraid of taking risks, and Kangna pulls her off with some aplomb, bad dialogue delivery notwithstanding. It is in the second half that the film unravels – rapidly. Manu’s intentions become too unclear, there is too much of melodrama and the script is nowhere as tight as it was in the first half. What saves this film are the interesting characters that Rai develops, not just the lead pair, but even those around them. Special mention to Swara Bhaskar and Deepak Dobriyal who play Tanu and Manu’s best friends respectively and bring so much to what is essentially a side role. In the end, “Tanu Weds Manu” doesn’t reach soaring heights, but I’d recommend you watch it any way, because it will bring a smile to your face.

Director Anand Rai’s “Tanu Weds Manu” is a romantic comedy about a meek doctor who falls in love with a feisty, rebellious Kanpur girl, as a result of which he finds himself in the middle of what can only be described as a sticky situation, and staring down the barrel of a gun.

R. Madhavan plays Manoj Sharma aka Manu, who in spite of having lived alone in London for more than a decade, wants an arranged marriage with a girl from the Indian heartland and falls in love with the first girl he sees, at one glance, while she is asleep.

What Bollywood wants from Budget 2011

Vipul Shah, director  - There have been a few burning issues that have plagued the industry for the last few years. Entertainment Tax is pegged as high as 45% in Mumbai. There is always the impression amongst the general public and perhaps even the Government that film makers rake in huge profits. The reality however, is far removed. Films have an 80 : 20 success ratio – this itself is self explanatory of the plight of most producers. Service Tax, VAT and TDS also remain grey areas for us. These are pressing concerns and have been presented before the Government as major concerns for a few years now, and year after year, all of us await some change in stance on this. We are hopeful that the Central Government will pay heed to our concerns this time. As a fraternity that has been granted industry status, we feel that these reforms are extremely fair and can be looked into.” Atul Kulkarni, Actor – I don’t have a budget wishlist. I don’t want them to take less from me. Just wish that they spend it more appropriately. But then it is we who have either sent them (politicians) there. We have also not given importance to politics for generations together. Sheetal Talwar, MD, Vistar Religare Film Fund – “Rationalisation of taxes is of primary concern. The dual taxation policy is something that needs to be looked into immediately. At present, we pay both Service Tax and VAT. While we have been granted industry status, there are very few actual benefits that have percolated down to the different tiers of the industry. For instance, the large numbers of union and daily workers are not covered under Vikas Yojna, ESIS or any sort of pension schemes. We have been striving for a better implementation of the industry tag and think that change truly is around the corner for us.” Kamal Jain, CFO, Eros International – Budget 2010 mandated a higher withholding tax rate of 20 per cent in case of payees not having a PAN. With the changed dynamics of the industry, greater amount of content is being procured from foreign players and various one-off payments are being made to foreign artists. A suitable clarification in the Budget 2011, relaxing the higher withholding rate is much warranted as Indian companies are being unnecessarily penalized for failure on the part of the payee to apply for PAN. Industry also looks forward for reduction of customs duty on equipment and hardware necessary for film production.  Similarly, the industry has asked for exemption of 16 per cent CVD on unexposed color cinematographic films, which would help them combat piracy by making more film prints at an affordable cost. The animation and gaming industry has sought a 10-year tax holiday and removal of service tax on studios developing original content.

The Union Budget is on everyone’s mind and affects Bollywood too. Here’s what people from the Indian film industry have to say –

Vipul Shah, Director

– “There have been a few burning issues that have plagued the industry for the last few years. Entertainment tax is pegged as high as 45 percent in Mumbai. There is always the impression amongst the general public and perhaps even the government that filmmakers rake in huge profits. The reality, however, is far removed. Films have an 80:20 success ratio — this itself is self explanatory of the plight of most producers.

Shah Rukh Khan’s new look in “Don 2″

It’s been a little more than a year since the last Shah Rukh Khan movie released, but this year the star has two big releases – “Ra One” and “Don 2″, directed by Farhan Akhtar. “Ra One”, starring Khan and Kareena Kapoor, is set for a Diwali release while Don 2 is releasing on the Christmas weekend. Given his long absence from the silver screen and the muted response to his new TV show “Zor Ka Jhatka”, Khan will be banking on these two films to do well. “Don 2″, directed by Farhan Akhtar, is the sequel to his 2007 remake of ‘Don”, and stars Khan alongwith Priyanka Chopra, Boman Irani and Lara Dutta. The film was shot in Berlin and the cast is currently shooting in Malaysia. Here are pictures of Khan’s look in the film. What do you think? Which avatar of Khan’s have you liked the most?

It’s been a little more than a year since the last Shah Rukh Khan movie released but this year the star has two big releases — “Ra One” and “Don 2″.

7 Khoon Maaf: Enticing premise, lacklustre execution

The basic premise of Vishal Bhardwaj’s enticingly titled “7 Khoon Maaf” is enough to generate excitement about the film. A woman marrying several times and killing off each of her husbands is the kind of story you don’t get to see too often in Bollywood, and if anyone can do justice to that kind of a dark theme, it has to be Bhardwaj. There wasn’t much that could go wrong with this one. That’s exactly what I thought when I entered the theatre, more than seven months ago, to watch a movie called “Raavan”. And we all know what happened with that one. I might be accused of being a little harsh here but this film might be Vishal Bhardwaj’s “Raavan”. In what is his weakest film yet, Bhardwaj takes the tantalising prospect of a “black widow”, and turns it into a haphazard story of a woman who seems to have a fetish for murdering her husbands, even when just leaving them would have been enough. Priyanka Chopra plays Susanna Marie Johannes, going from a coy-20 something to a crazy-50 something during the film. As she tells one of her husbands, there’s no worse accident than marriage in a woman’s life. But she herself suffers that accident several times and when she tires of each of her husbands, she kills them off without batting an eyelid at times, and flits to the next one within the blink of eye. Bhardwaj skims the surface of each of the characters, and we never get a sense of the desperation, and later the madness that Susanna’s character should have displayed to be capable of multiple murders. In the end, you don’t feel for her character or any of the men she killed. There is not much action and the murders get repetitive, especially because you know they are all going to die in the end. In fact, the last one seems hurriedly inserted just to make up the right number. Of the performances, Priyanka Chopra tries her best to be Susanna, but is hampered by a lacklustre script and even worse make-up. Her face in the last few scenes looks like a wall with peeling paint. That is not how women look in ther 50s. Vivaan Shah, as her admirer is restrained and does his part well. What is it with some of our best directors making such duds these days? There was Mani Ratnam, Ashutosh Gowariker and now Vishal Bhardwaj — the latter being someone who has always delivered brilliance in almost all aspects of storytelling. We should perhaps overlook this one as a weak link in an otherwise great career and move on. ‘Ek film maaf’.

The basic premise of Vishal Bhardwaj’s enticingly titled “7 Khoon Maaf” is enough to generate excitement about the film. A woman marrying several times and killing off each of her husbands is the kind of story you don’t get to see too often in Bollywood, and if anyone can do justice to that kind of a dark theme, it has to be Bhardwaj. There wasn’t much that could go wrong with this one.

That’s exactly what I thought when I entered the theatre, more than seven months ago, to watch a movie called “Raavan“. And we all know what happened with that one. I might be accused of being a little harsh here but this film might be Vishal Bhardwaj’s “Raavan”.

Patiala House: A single that could have been a boundary

One thing I will say for Nikhil Advani’s “Patiala House. It touches upon a subject that a lot of Indians will identify with – parents who decide that they know what’s best for their children and children straining against the leash to break out. Vikramaditya Motwane’s “Udaan” explored that theme beautifully, and Advani tries to combine it with another thing Indians can identify with – cricket. Unfortunately, he populates the story with so many other things that the main story is lost amid Punjabi wedding sequences, slapstick comedy and an insipid romance. Akshay Kumar plays Pargat Singh Kahlon, a potent fast bowler living in Southall, London, whose father (Rishi Kapoor) nips his cricketing career in the bud because he doesn’t want his son playing cricket for England. Senior Kahlon you see has been so scarred by racist attacks on his community that he hates “goras” and doesn’t want anyone in his family to have anything to do with them – so much so that he threatens to kill himself if his son plays for England. That doesn’t stop him from leaving London though, something that isn’t quite explained in the film and comes across as a major weakness in the plot. So Pargat spends his days looking morose, running a grocery shop and his night practising cricket. Also, he gets guilt trips from his entire extended family, who all have ambitions but cannot follow them because the eldest son hasn’t. When the entire England cricket team is sacked (!) and a whole new team is to be built, Pargat’s neighbour, who also happens to be a national selector convinces him to try out for the team, but he refuses. Enter Simran, an over-chirpy wannabe actress who convinces him and his whole family that they must rebel against “bauji” and follow their own dreams. Patiala House does have the germ of a compelling story in there somewhere, as well as some genuine moments, but these are few and far between. Advani couldn’t resist the temptation to make this a “masala film, and ends up diluting his main premise. The rest of the cast isn’t too impressive, and the plot has too many holes to hold true. You will have to suspend disbelief several times to actually believe what’s happening on the screen. How does a bowler who hasn’t played for any club get into the England cricket team? How, in this day and age, can Rishi Kapoor’s character not know that his son is playing for England inspite of live tv, the internet and phones? And why does crickter Nasser Hussain (playing himself) attempt to speak Hindi? Akshay Kumar however does redeem himself a little bit – he is restrained and efficient as the protagonist, even if he doesn’t take the character to another level. It’s a huge change from the avatar we have seen him in in recent times. The film though is strictly average fare. Watch it if you must.

One thing I will say for Nikhil Advani’s “Patiala House”. It touches upon a subject that a lot of Indians will identify with — parents who think they know what’s best for their children and children straining against the leash to break out.

Vikramaditya Motwane’s “Udaan” explored that theme beautifully, and director Advani tries to combine it with another thing Indians can identify with — cricket. Unfortunately, he populates the story with so many things that the main story is lost amid Punjabi wedding sequences, slapstick comedy and an insipid romance.

Yeh Saali Zindagi: Too many twists

Watching Sudhir Mishra’s “Ye Saali Zindagi”, you get the distinct feeling that somewhere there’s the germ of a great movie in here. The problem is that Mishra burdens the film with so many subplots and assorted characters that it’s difficult to rummage among them and come up with the main plot of the film. The film, which revolves around three characters and the events leading up to one day of action, stars Irrfan Khan as Arun, a fixer who works for a money-lender, and must save Priti (Chitrangada Singh), the woman he loves, from the clutches of a kidnapping gang. But things are not as simple as they seem at first glance. Priti is involved with another man, who is engaged to a minister’s daughter and is kidnapped in the hope of ransom by Kuldeep, who wants to quit his criminal ways after this one last kidnapping, because his feisty wife won’t take him back otherwise. How the three of them and their lives intersect is what most of the film chronicles. Mishra manages to keep the pace taut and the dialogue, co-written by him and Manu Rishi, has plenty of swear words and is racy enough to keep you interested. The two big flaws in the film are the presence of too many characters and subplots. Somewhere in the middle, you might find yourself wondering “who’s that guy, what’s this relation to this other guy, and how is it essential to the story?” The other problem is with the watered-down performances. Except for Irrfan Khan and Saurabh Shukla who plays his boss, both the other main actors, Chitrangada Singh and Arunoday Singh are inhibited and awkward, unable to invest enough in their characters for you to be invested in them. In the end, “Ye Saali Zindagi” isn’t the kind of film that makes for easy watching. If you are willing to pay enough attention, and forgive the somewhat indulgent pace, you might find yourself enjoying it.

Watching Sudhir Mishra’s “Yeh Saali Zindagi”, you get the distinct feeling that somewhere there’s the germ of a great movie in here. The problem is that Mishra burdens the film with so many subplots and assorted characters that it’s difficult to rummage among them and come up with the main plot of the film.

The film, which revolves around three characters and the events leading up to one day of action, stars Irrfan Khan as Arun, a fixer who works for a money-lender, and must save Priti (Chitrangada Singh), the woman he loves, from the clutches of a kidnapping gang. But things are not as simple as they seem at first glance.