India Masala

Housefull 2: Twice the torture

Reviewing a movie like Sajid Khan’s “Housefull 2” is a futile exercise. In fact, I don’t think the makers of this film made it for creative purposes — this is a money-making venture, and going by the number of people who came to watch it at 9: 15 a.m. on Good Friday morning, I would say it’s well on its way to becoming a successful one.

Khan doesn’t take off from where the first “Housefull” left off — this is a whole other story. But he does keep the toilet humour, over-the-top acting and noise pollution that characterised the 2010 film. Instead of laughing gas at the Buckingham Palace, he adds a fake Prince Charles who attends a wedding at the end and persuades one of the characters to stop shooting people in the name of “the queen and the country”.

This time there are four heroes, four heroines and four fathers — all trying to find the right partner for their children. Rishi Kapoor and Randhir Kapoor play brothers who are always at loggerheads and compete to see who will find the richest groom for their daughter.

They zoom in on one groom — Jolly (Riteish Deshmukh), the son of the richest Indian in Britain but he’s in love with someone else. By some contrived twist that must have made sense to director Sajid Khan, he ends up convincing both fathers that his friends Sunny (Akshay Kumar) and Max (John Abraham) are Jolly. To cut a long story short, there are four Jollys in the film, out of which three are fake, causing much confusion among the brides and their fathers.

Try as I might, I cannot make sense of the story beyond this. After a while, for the sake of your sanity, you would do well to just go with the flow and not keep track of the plot.

Of the cast, everyone goes completely overboard, except for Johnny Lever, who plays the confused Maharashtrian secretary to Mithun Chakraborty with his trademark flair. There are some funny moments in the film, but they are few and far between — there is just too much toilet humour and the bad jokes completely overshadow them.

If you liked the first “Housefull“, you’ll like this one too. If you like good cinema, avoid this one.

No, Thank You

I’m going to keep this one short because there’s really not much I can say about Anees Bazmee’s “Thank You” that I haven’t already said about films of this genre – in other words, the “leave your brains at home” films that we seem to churn out with alarming regularity.

This one seems to be a re-hash of Bazmee’s earlier “No Entry”, which at least had a couple of nice songs and some funny moments. This one has nothing but offensive dialogue, bad jokes and even worse acting.

Akshay Kumar plays Kishen, a modern day love doctor who spies on philandering husbands and helps their wives take “revenge” on them. The film runs on the premise that men are sure to stray, but, like the men in the movie, if they catch their wives even pretending to have an affair, they can take the high moral ground and lecture them on the sanctity of marriage.

Bobby Deol plays one of those men, Raj, while Irrfan Khan and Suneil Shetty play his friends. All three are having affairs with various women and get away with it by throwing flimsy excuses at their wives, which the women gladly gobble up. That is, until Kishen comes into the picture, ensures that their wives exact revenge on them and leave the men pining.

Of course, the fact that he’s been caught cheating several times and doesn’t even seem to regret it doesn’t stop Bobby Deol’s character from delivering a five minute monologue to his wife Sanjana (Sonam Kapoor) on how she’s hasn’t respected their marriage by flirting with Kishen. “At least I did it on the sly, but you are doing it openly”, he tells her. Who can argue with such sound logic?

Of the cast, only Irrfan Khan looks remotely comfortable in his role, while everyone else is rank bad. Special mention to Sonam Kapoor who looks lovely but cannot emote genuinely in a single scene – especially for a woman who is supposed to be going through the heartbreak of infidelity.

If you liked “No Problem” “Housefull” and “Kambakkhth Ishq”, then this might be the film for you. Everyone else, run far away from any theatre showing this film.

Patiala House: A single that could have been a boundary

One thing I will say for Nikhil Advani’s “Patiala House”. It touches upon a subject that a lot of Indians will identify with — parents who think they know what’s best for their children and children straining against the leash to break out.

Vikramaditya Motwane’s “Udaan” explored that theme beautifully, and director Advani tries to combine it with another thing Indians can identify with — cricket. Unfortunately, he populates the story with so many things that the main story is lost amid Punjabi wedding sequences, slapstick comedy and an insipid romance.

Akshay Kumar plays Pargat Singh Kahlon, a fast bowler living in Southall, London. Pargat’s father (Rishi Kapoor) nips his cricketing career in the bud because he doesn’t want his son playing cricket for England. Senior Kahlon has been so scarred by racist attacks on his community that he hates “goras” and doesn’t want anyone in his family to have anything to do with them — so much so that he threatens to kill himself if his son plays for England. That doesn’t stop him from leaving London though, something that isn’t quite explained in the film and comes across as a major weakness in the plot.

So Pargat spends his days looking morose, running a grocery shop and his night practising cricket. Also, he gets guilt trips from his entire extended family, who all have ambitions but cannot follow them because the eldest son hasn’t. When the entire England cricket team is sacked and a whole new team is to be built, Pargat’s neighbour, who also happens to be a national selector, convinces him to try out for the team, but he refuses. Enter Simran, an over-chirpy wannabe actress who convinces him and his whole family that they must rebel against the patriach and follow their own dreams.

“Patiala House” does have the germ of a compelling story in there somewhere, as well as some genuine moments, but these are few and far between. Advani couldn’t resist the temptation to make this a masala film and ends up diluting his main premise. The rest of the cast isn’t too impressive, and the plot has too many holes to hold true. You will have to suspend disbelief several times to actually believe what’s happening on the screen. How does a bowler who hasn’t played for any club get into the England cricket team? How, in this day and age, can Rishi Kapoor’s character not know that his son is playing for England in spite of live TV, the internet and phones? And why does cricketer Nasser Hussain (playing himself) attempt to speak Hindi?

Akshay Kumar, however, does redeem himself a bit — he is restrained and efficient as the protagonist, even if he doesn’t take the character to another level. It’s a huge change from the avatar we have seen him in in recent times.

The film though is strictly average fare. Watch it if you must.

Action Replayy: The past ain’t pretty

It’s easy to romanticise the past, isn’t it? Easy to think back to the time when bell bottoms and “arranged” marriages were the norm and tell ourselves it was a much better time. The past has that intangible quality of making us all look a little better, even to ourselves. Perhaps that is why Bollywood is going back to the past so much nowadays, making films about every period but the present.

Director Vipul Shah certainly seems to believe in reliving the past in “Action Replayy”, as do his main characters but they relive it so badly you want to shake them back to the present. The past here holds no romance, there are only bad wigs and garish clothes to represent it.

Aditya Roy Kapoor plays Bunty, a young man witness to the bitterness in his parents’ marriage. He tells his girlfriend he would never make the same mistake as his parents. However, when his parents (Akshay Kumar and Aishwarya Rai Bachchan) threaten each other with divorce, he decides to go back to the past to try and save their marriage. Conveniently, the above-mentioned girlfriend has a madcap scientist grandfather waiting in the background, ready with a time machine (apparently the only thing scientists invent in films).

Bunty hops on to the machine and goes back to 1975, hoping if he can turn his parents’ arranged marriage into love, they will magically fall back in love in the present. He lands in the Mumbai of the past, where if you believe director Shah, everything happened in and around Victoria Terminus, including rock concerts. The Mumbai landmark is seen in every scene, as are people with loud make-up, huge sunglasses and polka-dotted clothes. Bunty meets Kishen and Mala in their youth, convinces them they should have a “love marriage” fending off dominating fathers and scheming bachelors in the process.

The whole film is so inane it is difficult to put on paper. In one scene, Mala actually agrees to a contest between her two suitors, agreeing to marry the one who can — get this — sing in the most number of voices.

Shah has absolutely no control on this film — at the end of “Action Replayy” you have no idea why everyone acted the way they did — you are just glad it’s over and you can finally go home. Akshay Kumar and Aishwarya Rai could have been styled so much better, at least it would have made up for the lack of acting on their part. Rannvijay and Neha Dhupia in supporting roles do nothing much except lurk in corners.

Going back in to the past can be a good thing sometimes, especially when the present seems so bleak. I suggest you spend this Diwali watching television to get a taste of some real 70s romance.

Khatta Meetha: This is no gourmet feast

“Khatta Meetha” raises a few laughs and also manages pointed homilies on the state of the nation.

It is about municipal officers and builders but is no “Jaane Bhi Do Yaaro” — either in subtlety, sarcasm or slapstick.

The actors and their characters are funny but too one-dimensional and obvious like the digitally-created elephant in this movie.

But it’s still a Priyadarshan film all the way — incredible as usual with even a few deaths thrown in.

In small town Satara lives a loser with his old, parents and his evil “win-laws”.

Loser wants to be a winner so he takes the highway to success. (Literally! He is a corrupt road contractor)

In between this simple story comes the comedy troupe — tiresome Rajpal Yadav, the usual Johnny Lever and the vintage Asrani.

Housefull: Turn down the volume!

There is a song in Sajid Khan’s “Housefull” with the lyrics “volume kam kar” (turn down the volume). Wouldn’t it be nice if the director and actors had imbibed this simple message? That would have made this alleged comedy easier to tolerate.

Instead every character in the film either screams, laughs or cries so loudly, and for seemingly no reason, that you want to hit the mute button.

Unfortunately, the noise pollution shows no sign of stopping and also puts an end to any hope of genuine comic moments. Director Khan sacrifices clever lines for loud and mostly unfunny gags, which if you saw his first film “Heyy Baby”, wouldn’t come as a surprise.

Akshay Kumar plays Aarush, who believes himself to be a human jinx, bringing bad luck to all around him. He quits his job at a casino in Macau and comes to London to spend time with his friend Baburao, better known as Bob (Riteish).

Bob’s wife Hetal (Lara Dutta) is supposed to be a waitress but can apparently afford designer handbags and luxury trips to Italy.

In spite of having no job and home, Aarush manages to land himself a rich wife, merely by virtue of being Indian, but it turns out she only got married to get hold of her father’s fortune.

His last chance for love comes in the form of Sandy (Deepika Padukone) who falls for him but has a strict brother.

De Dana Dan: Entertainment of the lowest level

Watching a movie like “De Dana Dan” in a single screen theatre where people are hooting and clapping at crass humour on screen may give you an insight into Indian audiences.

This audience doesn’t really mind that Archana Puran Singh uses foul language or that people randomly slap their husbands and wives or that there is really no logic to speak of. They found all of the above hilarious.

I am not judging that audience. After all, we all have our own tastes. I guess this is what they mean about Hindi movies that you have to “leave your brain behind and then watch”.

Akshay Kumar plays Nitin, a down and out young man who works as a servant with a rich woman in order to pay off his father’s debt to her. He is in love with Anjali (Katrina Kaif) but doesn’t have the money to marry her. He meets Ram (Suniel Shetty), a courier deliveryman who also needs money to marry his rich girlfriend (Sameera Reddy).

They decide to kidnap Nitin’s mistress’s dog, which she holds very dear. However, the plan goes awry and that is the start of the “confusion” in the film. One mistaken identity leads to the other and yet another, until the plot becomes so convoluted that you lose track.

I am writing this an hour after watching the film and if you ask me for the rest of the plot, I will be unable to tell you. It baffles me as to how the scriptwriter remembered all the twists and turns.

For all the confusion however, the end is so lame you feel the entire team was so tired of the film they just put their hands up at one point and said, “That’s it, this is where we end it”.

Blue: No colour this Diwali

When a film is pitched as a big-budget, big-ticket film and is a Diwali release to boot, expectations do shoot up.

Anthony D’Souza’s “Blue”, starring Akshay Kumar, Sanjay Dutt, Lara Dutta and Zayed Khan is supposed to be India’s first “underwater” film, has music by A.R. Rahman and is said to have a budget of 800 million rupees.

But, as someone said after the screening, maybe they spent so much money on shooting the underwater scenes they forgot to pay someone to write a good enough story.

“Blue” falls in the same trap as most Bollywood big-budget films have in recent times (‘Kambakkht Ishq’ being a prime example) — it can’t see the wood for the trees and pays too much attention to superficial stuff while neglecting basics like story and screenplay.

Akshay Kumar plays Aarav Malhotra, the owner of a shipping company who wants to get hold of a “treasure” lying deep in the sea in a sunken ship named ‘Lady in Blue’.

He wants his friend and employee Sagar (Sanjay Dutt, looking supremely unfit and out of place) to help him in his quest, because he “knows the sea like the back of his hand”.

After initially refusing, Sagar and his brother join Aarav on an underwater adventure.

Kambakkht Ishq: You have to see it to believe it

A feeling of numbness and disbelief is not uncommon after a movie-watching experience. Sometimes you are awed by the sheer vision of the director or the depth of a particular performance. Sometimes, it is a thought expressed, or an expression that stays with you.

But after watching “Kambakkht Ishq”, I was left numb at the thought someone could make such a bad film.

Yes, there is no other word for it. This extremely expensive film, with cameos by Hollywood stars and flashy fight sequences, isn’t quite the entertainer it promised to be.

Akshay Kumar is Viraj Shergill, a stuntman in Hollywood who likes to play the field. Aftab Shivdasani plays his younger brother, Lucky, who falls in love and gets married to Kamini (Amrita Arora).

Kareena Kapoor plays Simrita Rai, Kamini’s best friend and a part-time model and medical student who has a militant hatred of men, believing that they want “only one thing.”

Of course, in the tradition of Bollywood love stories, Viraj and Simrita hate each other at first sight and indulge in some mindless bickering in the first half.

Tasveer: Not so picture perfect

There are films that grab you instantly and don’t let you go till the credits roll. There are those that start off on a great note but lose the plot midway. And then there are those which don’t start off on a good note, nor do they end on one.

Nagesh Kukunoor’s “Tasveer” falls in the third category. The film starts off at a sluggish pace, but by the time the second half rolls in, it graduates into a half-decent thriller and you start to think that Kukunoor may be on to something after all. You are wrong. But we will get to that in a bit.

The protagonist of this film is Jai Puri (Akshay Kumar), a somewhat melancholic forest officer (although his profession is dealt with in the first five minutes of the film and never mentioned later) who we are told can see the past through a photo.

When his father dies in a purported drowning accident, Jai comes across a slightly eccentric, obsessive ex-cop Habibullah Pasha (Jaaved Jaffrey, playing what I thought was the best character in the film), who is convinced that it was murder.

Determined to get to the bottom of it, Jai tries to solve the mystery by going back in time to when the tragedy occurred, through a photo clicked just minutes before his father drowned.

Jai finds that each of the three people in the photo with his father had a reason to kill him, and sets about trying to find the killer.