Most films have one distinguishing characteristic — maybe the music, the animation, perhaps the running time or a huge budget.

Suparn Varma’s “Acid Factory”, which releases in cinemas this week has a unique feature — that of having the biggest ensemble of bad actors on a single screen.
 
Fardeen Khan, Aftab Shivdasani, Dino Morea, Dia Mirza, Danny Denzongpa and even the usually dependable Manoj Bajpai put in such atrociously bad performances that you wonder how they got away with it.
 
In spite of an interesting storyline and a reasonable screen time, you are never hooked to the events on screen, and even during the climax of the film, I was tempted to whip out my mobile and recheck my messages for the day — they would have provided far more entertainment.
 
Fardeen Khan plays Romeo, a cop who has “applied for an undercover assignment” (didn’t know that happened) to uncover dreaded don Kaiser (Irrfan Khan).

Five weeks later, he finds himself in an abandoned acid factory with four other men and no memory of the events that brought him there.
 
The film is told in flashback but the story is told so shoddily and the performances, as I said before, are so unconvincing that you cannot wait for this ordeal to be over and to bolt out of the theatre.
 
The worst of the lot is Gulshan Grover, who plays the dumbest policeman in celluloid history, and every time Irrfan Khan outsmarts him, he goes about saying “very smart” to a bewildered foreign extra.
 
If you want to save yourself heartburn in the middle of the festival season, do yourself a favour and avoid this disaster.

Bollywood has always survived on the formula — the elusive secret to making a successful film that combines elaborate sets, melodrama and of course, dancing around trees. Then multiplexes arrived and we were told it was the era of niche films, ones that didn’t go by the formula.

Films like “Wake Up Sid” are well on their way to becoming a meeting point between the old and the new, and becoming a whole different genre of films — the formula multiplex film.

Now that the multiplex audience in India is such an important part of the movie going public, there are a lot of films being made with them in mind and most are now beginning to stick to a formula.

Have an urban hero (preferably young) confused about life, throw in some college scenes, smart dialogues and a disco scene or two.

Make the aesthetics such that they appeal to the yuppie audience and there you have it — the formula to make a multiplex film.

Let me also add a disclaimer here. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to make a formula film. After all, many of Bollywood’s biggest hits have followed the formula but they have also had that something extra. “Wake Up Sid”, starring Ranbir Kapoor and Konkona Sen Sharma doesn’t always pass that test.

Kapoor plays Siddharth Mehra, a spoilt rich brat who has no aim in life except — do nothing. He meets Aisha (Konkona Sen Sharma), elder to him and in search of “independence” in Mumbai. The two soon strike up a friendship.
When Sid fails in his exams and his father decides to crack the whip, our protagonist decides he is better off living on his own. He lands up at Aisha’s house, hoping to make it in the real world, but soon realizes he isn’t equipped for it at all.

As a coming-of-age film, this one has its moments and first-time director Ayan Mukherji manages to inject the film with a lot of moments that make you smile. However there are also times when you feel the film could rise above the average but doesn’t.

Of the cast, Ranbir Kapoor is excellent, really getting into the character, bewildered expressions and all. Konkona Sen Sharma is also efficient but doesn’t dazzle as she usually does. Special mention of Shikha Talsania as Sid’s friend Laxmi for a spirited performance.

“Wake Up Sid” isn’t necessarily a memorable film, nor is it an original one. But it is good for a one-time watch over the weekend, which is a lot more than what Bollywood has dished out over the past few weeks, so I would say go for this one.

Ashutosh Gowariker’s “What’s Your Raashee” is supposed to be a light, romantic comedy about the search for a perfect bride.

It stars Priyanka Chopra in twelve different avatars, playing a girl from each zodiac sign and Harman Baweja as Yogesh Patel, the eligible groom who has to choose one of those girls.

When I heard the premise, I must admit I was intrigued. It sounded interesting, and given Gowariker’s reputation, I went in expecting a good film.

Almost four hours, numerous songs and twelve mini-stories later, I came out with a headache.

Patel, who lives and works in Chicago, is tricked by his parents into coming down to India and getting married.

Given that he doesn’t have much time, Patel decides to see twelve girls only, each one from a different zodiac sign.

Of course, as you know, Priyanka Chopra plays each girl, albeit in a different avatar.

So there is Anjali, the awkward, simple girl who tries to speak English and smoke so as to impress her NRI suitor.

There is Vishakha, the ditsy heiress, and Pooja, the do-good doctor, all of whom are supposed to represent different facets.

Helping Patel in his search is his uncle, played by Darshan Jariwala (in an ugly wig and even uglier shirts). There is a mindless side track involving Jariwala and his wife and an astrologer-cum detective, just one of the many things weighing down the film.

The same story had been told by Ketan Mehta in his serial “Mr Yogi” many years ago and the reason that venture was a success was because it was divided into parts.

Watching “What’s Your Raashee” is like watching 13 episodes of a serial back-to-back and not a particularly engaging one at that. At some point, all the stories merge into one and you stop caring about who gets married to whom.

Instead you just want the credits to roll and make a bolt for it.

Three-and-a-half hours is a lot of time and if you want me to invest that much time in your film, there better be something worthwhile.

Unfortunately, there isn’t. Each character seems like a caricature and instead of providing us with some insights, all we see are superficial traits.

Oh, and a lot of songs.

When a film has as many as 14 songs, they better be good. But they aren’t. Instead they hamper the pace of an already flagging storyline and make you ache for that door even more.

The film has its moments, but those are lost in the haze of a clumsy screenplay and a story that just doesn’t move forward.

Of the cast, Harman Baweja makes a sincere effort, but doesn’t succeed very often. Priyanka Chopra should be commended for trying out such a different project but the fact is the screenplay fails her.

None of the characters are meaty enough to be memorable. Instead of giving them a song each, Gowariker should have put in more work in telling us their stories.

In the end, “What’s Your Raashee” begins to grate on your nerves. This isn’t an easy watch by any means. Go for it if you must.

When director Anurag Singh set out to make “Dil Bole Hadippa”, he must have stumbled upon a book called ‘The Big Punjabi Book of Bollywood Clichés’ and decided to put in each one in this film.

As if that wasn’t enough, he has taken elements from every successful Yash Raj film and added that to the film. So you have glimpses of “DDLJ”, “Chak De India”, “Bunty Aur Babli”, “Veer Zaara” and “Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi”.

If that doesn’t sound like hotchpotch, there are ample doses of speeches on women’s rights, India-Pakistan friendship and even the token secular touch. Not an encouraging sign at all.

“Dil Bole Hadippa” stars Rani Mukherjee as Veera Kaur, a feisty Punjabi girl who has a passion for cricket. Her dream is to be part of a local team that plays an annual match with a Pakistani team for the Aman Cup, a tournament started by two friends — one Indian, the other Pakistani.

Unfortunately, the Indian Tigers never win against the Pakistani Champs, causing its Indian owner (Anupam Kher, hamming away to glory) much grief.

In desperation, he asks his cricketer son Rohan (Shahid Kapoor) to come back from London to help salvage the team. Veera decides to try out for the team but is shooed away at the gate by a watchman who says cricket is not for girls.

Desperate for a chance, she comes back as Veer Pratap Singh, complete with turban and moustache. While she tries to impress Rohan with her batting on the field, she bats her eyelashes at him off it and a romance blooms.

“Dil Bole Hadippa” is meant to be a sports film but it tries to pack in so many things it ends up being nothing. The main culprit is the extremely shoddy script and it appears as if all the lead actors had resigned themselves to the fact.

As a result, the performances are at best average. Rani Mukherjee, looking svelte, tries hard but is unable to muster up enthusiasm. Shahid Kapur also does adequately but doesn’t seem convinced about his character.

I cannot think of any part of this film that rises above the average. Go for it if you don’t have anything better to do this weekend.

On Monday, Indian American designer Anand Jon was sentenced to 59 years in prison for sexually assaulting aspiring models as young as 14, throwing the limelight on sexual harassment in the fashion and entertainment industry.

While his family insists that he is innocent, the entire case brings into focus the fact that sexual harassment, or at least allegations of it, seems to be the darker side of our entertainment industry too. Unfortunately, it’s a topic that has been kept under wraps for a while.

As someone who has covered the entertainment industry for a while now, you hear stories of the casting couch on and off on the field, but none of these ever come out in the open.

There are of course hushed whispers and a token admission by those part of this industry that the “couch” does exist, but for reasons best known to the parties involved, the matter never goes public.

For an industry that is increasingly getting open and transparent and breaking barriers everyday, this is a topic that doesn’t seem to find much of a mention.

Jon has been sentenced, but I wonder whether our own industry will ever have the courage to face this problem and nip it in the bud.

It is difficult to live in Mumbai and not get a whiff of the Ganesha celebrations on in the city.

In fact, if you live in India, it is difficult to be in any city this time of the year and escape the festive air that pervades everything.

Suddenly everything gets a Ganesha/Durga Pooja/Onam flavour, including work. And since my work pertains to the magical world of movies, this time of the year gets me thinking of both things — festivals on celluloid.

Who can forget the iconic climax in Ram Gopal Varma’s “Satya”, as the camera snaked through the crowds of Ganesha immersion, or Sunil Dutt walking with the crowds in “Dard Ka Rishta” with a Ganesha idol in his hands?

Indian films have always made use of the backdrop of these festivities, especially during the climax of the films — since the inherent drama in these scenes adds to the overall look. Remember Amitabh Bachchan in “Agneepath”? Or even the Holi sequence in Sholay?

As recently as “Delhi 6″, director Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra used the Ramlila in Delhi to showcase an important theme in the film.

But my favourite festival moment on celluloid is the ‘Deva Ho Deva’ song that Mithun Chakraborty and Amjad Khan sing in “Hum Se Badhkar Kaun”.

Invariably that song would be played on television screens as soon as Ganesha arrived in our homes, and for me it became a part of those memories.

Which is your favourite festival moment on celluloid?

Be warned. “Quick Gun Murugan” is unlike any other Hindi film you have seen in a long time. 

What there is though is plenty of laugh-out-loud humour and an affectionate look at our favourite movie clichés — all of which are being mouthed by a middle-aged, pot-bellied hero.

Directed by Shashank Ghosh, the film is a sort of an extension of the promotional ads made for a music channel many years, ago, starring the Murugan character. 

This time Murugan is played by Telugu actor Rajendra Prasad and instead of a 30-second ad, he is the subject of a 90-minute film where he is fighting the villain, inventively called Rice Plate Reddy.

Reddy wants to convert all restaurants in India into non-vegetarian eateries. Murugan on the other hand is a vegetarian, dosa-eating Clint Eastwood fan who is out to stop him.

The story of this film is so outrageous that you cannot help but laugh at it. The dialogues are all rehashed from the cowboy films that dominated the southern film industry in the 80s.

“Quick Gun Murugan” is the kind of film that will have you laughing in the aisles, if you enjoy whacky humour, but there are some holes in the movie.

Even at 90 minutes, it sometimes feels laboured, because the pace slackens and there is too much blood and gore on screen when it wasn’t needed.

However, this is an entirely new concept and one that director Ghosh manages to pull off for the most part. Go for some great laughs and fond memories if you grew up in the eighties. Mind it.

Filmmakers in Bollywood, India's movie industry, are notorious for borrowing liberally from foreign films far and wide, especially Hollywood.

Even when they don't copy an entire film frame by frame, Bollywood directors often borrow from several films at once, melding story lines and adapting them to an Indian setting, complete with song and dance. They do this, of course, without buying the remaking rights. Despite a lot of original cinema coming out of Bollywood, plagiarism is rife.

Hollywood hasn't cared until now, The Washington Post's Emily Wax reports. Twentieth Century Fox recently settled a lawsuit with BR Films -- a well-known banner -- over its remake of the 1992 hit "My Cousin Vinny." Fox accepted $200,000, paving the way for a release of the Hindi version, called "Banda Yeh Bindaas Hai" or "This Guy is Fearless".

The Times of London has reported that a lawyer representing major American studios has recently sent warning letters to producers who he believes are copying Hollywood films. Among the titles are "Ghostbusters", "Jerry Maguire", "The Departed" and "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button", the paper reports.

Will Fox's action finally put a stop to the widespread plagiarism in Bollywood? More likely, Bollywood producers will just have to cough up the money to buy remaking rights, which is how it should be.

Keep an eye on:

• Nokia plans to tackle Apple's iPhone with a bet on Linux software. (Reuters)
• Channel 4 will drop Big Brother as it focuses more on public service broadcasting. (Financial Times)
• Alcatel-Lucent shares jump on rumors of Chinese bid. (Reuters)

Photo: www.moviegoods.com

Films on Kashmir and its insurgency are few and far between in Indian cinema.

The last such film I watched was Santosh Sivan’s “Tahaan”, a movie that tried to tell the story of this troubled paradise through the eyes of a child.

Director Piyush Jha tries to do the same thing with “Sikander” — the film’s protagonists are both teenagers, reacting to the violence and chaos around them.

Unfortunately, Jha succeeds only to an extent, presenting what had the makings of a good film but ultimately ends up being an unpolished, vague attempt.

Parzaan Dastur plays Sikander, a 14-year-old orphan with a passion for football. He stumbles upon a revolver on his way to school and despite protests from his friend Nasreen (Ayesha Kapur), keeps it with him.

That revolver sets off a chain of events the boy can no longer control, involving militants, politicians and the army.

Admirably, Jha does not try and take sides on the issue but he doesn’t manage to hold the viewer’s attention throughout the two-hour film.

The screenplay is loosely written and none of the characters quite find a place in your heart. The reasons for Sikander’s transformation are not specified and Jha tends to simplify things a bit too much.

A portion of the blame for the film’s flaws must also go to the performances, which are indifferent to say the least. 

Only Dastur manages sporadic bursts of acting, while the rest pretty much sleepwalk their way through the roles, including known actors like Sanjay Suri and R. Madhavan. 

The biggest disappointment is Kapur, who distinguished herself as the young Rani Mukherjee in Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s “Black”.

A few years later, she is awkward and ill at ease in each scene while her dialogues are heavily accented, which doesn’t lend to her character at all.

“Sikander” is a film that had the germ of an interesting idea but that isn’t what ultimately ended up on screen. 

Sometimes you get the best insights from the most unexpected sources. Like my mother for instance — she isn’t much of a movie person but asked me how “Kaminey” was.

“Is it like ‘Omkara’? Because I didn’t like that movie at all at first, but now that I think about it, I think it’s a great film,” she said.

And that’s when it struck me. It’s the same thing with “Kaminey“, except that you don’t dislike the movie at first watch. You just realise how brilliant it is a few hours after you’ve watched the film and then ruminate over it.

On the face of it, director Vishal Bhardwaj gives you a fast-paced, thrilling caper film littered with twists at every turn. So gripping are the happenings on screen that it’s only later you have time to marvel at the director’s attention to detail, his mastery over the craft and also the immense skill it must have taken to shoot a film like this in real time locations.

In what can be termed a highly unconventional double role (especially by Bollywood standards) Shahid Kapur plays Guddu and Charlie, twins whose life philosophies are so different they hate the sight of each other.

Guddu is the “decent” one, getting an education while working at an NGO. Charlie, on the other hand, is a gambler who hedges bets at the race track and lives life on the edge.

Guddu is in love with Sweety Bhope (Priyanka Chopra), who discovers she is pregnant. (Watch out for this scene, especially because it comes at the end of a song where Guddu is preaching safe sex to sex workers).

She convinces Guddu they should get married because if not, her gangster-turned- politician brother Bhau Bhope (played brilliantly by Amole Gupte) will kill him.

Meanwhile, Charlie gets involved, albeit unwittingly, with two corrupt cops who are chasing a precious kitty that somehow lands in Charlie’s hands. Unknowingly, the destinies of the two brothers get intertwined. They face each other and in doing so, provide for some of the film’s most gripping moments.

To reveal any more would be both inappropriate and impossible to narrate. This has to be seen on screen. A special mention for Shahid Kapur who plays the two characters with skill that comes from years of acting, especially the detail of the speech defects both characters have. Priyanka Chopra is excellent too, but this is clearly a Shahid Kapur film.

But the real star is Vishal Bhardwaj; whether it is the music of the film or the story and of course the direction, you have to hand it to the man He tells you a myriad stories in this film and yet brings it all together to tell a cohesive tale. Hats off.