India Masala

Ekk Deewana Tha: Never-ending nonsense

Sometimes even the worst films can redeem themselves with a moment of lucidity. Just as you are struggling to make sense of Gautham Menon’s “Ekk Deewana Tha“, the heroine — in a fit of emotion — tells the hero “there is nothing here, no chemistry or anything at all. Nothing”. And just like that, she hits the nail on the head.

This almost three-hour romance is the cinematic equivalent of listening to someone scratching their nails on a blackboard. You want to pull your hair out and tell them to stop it already. Unfortunately, Menon seems to be in no mood to listen. Just when you think it’s all over, it goes on for a little bit more.

A remake of Menon’s 2010 Tamil hit “Vinnaithaandi Varuvaayaa“, the film tells the story of Sachin (Prateik) an aspiring film-maker who falls for his upstairs neighbour Jessie (Amy Jackson) at first sight. But Jessie is loath to return his affections, telling Sachin her conservative Christian family in Kerala wouldn’t take kindly to her falling in love with a Hindu boy.

Sachin doesn’t give up, following her all the way to her native village in Kerala, to convince her of his love. When Jessie tells him she is getting married, it seems like all is over for the couple.

Menon attempts to build a fresh, teenybopper romance, with the 80s theme of external circumstances like religion and age standing in the way of star-crossed lovers. While the idea itself isn’t new, the film could have worked with the right casting and script. But as you might have guessed by now, it has neither.

Scenes are disjointed, the film is edited haphazardly and the dialogue unintentionally funny. As for the film’s soundtrack, a couple of songs such as ‘Hosanna’ are easy on the ears but fans would expect much more from the Oscar-winning A.R. Rahman.

Adding to the mediocrity are the film’s leads — Amy Jackson looks like a rabbit caught in the headlights; scared out of her wits and doesn’t know where to look. Even in the most emotional of scenes, you don’t feel for her character. For that matter, you don’t feel for Prateik’s character either. He needs acting classes and needs them badly — Smita Patil‘s genes don’t seem to be kicking in. Someone needs to tell him that spreading arms wide and jumping in the air doesn’t constitute acting.

Good Night Good Morning: Talk isn’t cheap

It’s not easy to sustain interest in a film that is about two people talking on the phone all night long. The characters have to be interesting enough, the dialogue has to sparkle and the length has to be just right.

In “Good Night, Good Morning”, director Sudhish Kamath manages to tick off most boxes, producing a film that will mostly keep you engaged and entertained, thanks to the two leads and some fresh writing.

Seema Rahmani and Manu Narayan play two lonely souls who meet each other at a bar in New York on New Year’s Eve. She goes back to her hotel room and he’s driving back with his friends when, on a whim, he calls her room. They get talking and the conversation doesn’t stop.

There isn’t a story beyond that except that the two talk about everything from movies, men and life, and in the process exorcise a lot of demons in their life. Both leads, Rahmani and Narayan, are very very good in their roles and if you didn’t know you were watching this movie in the theatre, you’d almost be forgiven for thinking you were looking in on two people talking.

On the other hand, Kamath does lose hold over the latter part of the film, when the conversation meanders and gets too heavy all of a sudden. The black-and-white look of the film also adds to the casual feel of the film.

This isn’t your everyday film — it doesn’t have a story or a villain or any tangible plot line — but if you want to try something different from the regular fare, I suggest you try this one.

Mausam: Several seasons too old

If director Pankaj Kapur hadn’t gone to pains to establish that “Mausam” plays out between the mid-90s and the early years of this century, you’d be forgiven for thinking this film takes place in the 20s — when there was no internet, no phones and no technology. Why else would two, reasonably well-off, intelligent people who obviously have access to technology be unable to trace each other? It makes no sense, and instead of feeling sad for them, you feel frustrated.

That, in a nutshell, is how you feel about “Mausam” anyway. The promos describe the film as an “epic” love story, but the only thing epic here is the running time. The film runs for almost three hours, during which Kapur plays out the same meet-separate-meet-separate theme till you tire of it.

Shahid Kapur plays Harinder (Harry), an outgoing young lad in rural Punjab who falls for the mysterious new girl in town Aayat (Sonam Kapoor). Over stolen glances and secret letters, they fall for each other and Kapur builds up this part of the romance really well. For the first 45 minutes, you like this love story. Then, he starts taking himself too seriously, and loses the plot.

Kapur weaves in significant events from India’s history in the storyline, so that just as Harry and Aayat are about to confess their love for each other, the Babri Masjid is destroyed and her family moves out overnight, not even leaving a forwarding address. They only meet seven years later, in picturesque Scotland, where he is now an Indian Air Force pilot and she’s running a shop with her father and his best friend.

A few romantic songs and scenes later, just as they are about to decide on a wedding date, the Kargil war strikes and Harry leaves — without so much as a phone call — and again, no forwarding address. Aayat calls his sister once, but when she finds an answering machine, gives up, and doesn’t think of calling her again.

And so it goes on. When the war gets over and Harry looks for her, he finds that she has moved from Scotland … and you guessed it, left no forwarding address.

The fact that the lovers and their families are affected by everything from the 1984 riots, the Babri Masjid demolition, the Mumbai bomb blasts, the Kargil War and the Gujarat riots is a bit too much to handle. The pace of the film is indulgent and Kapur lingers on many moments. While some of them work, some don’t. The romance is very old world, and while that is charming, the problem begins when things turn serious.

Khap: Good intention but fails to register

There is much to be said about “Khap”. Let’s get to the story first. The movie is about a village which adheres to the khap panchayat system under which two people from the same khap or clan cannot marry each other.

Whoever goes against the khap rule is killed to keep the gene pool from being spoilt and to keep the honour of the clan and tradition intact. The audience knows them as honour killings.

Sajod village falls under this panchayat and is home to the khap chief, played by Om Puri. The movie begins with a couple trying to elope and shows their bloody end when villagers catch and kill them.

From here the movie migrates to another space and time disconnected from the former world. A young girl and guy, who are chat buddies but do not know each other’s identity, go to the same college (which looks like a shopping mall). They eventually fall in love and through the course of the film find themselves not only closely connected to the Sajod village but also land on the wrong side of the khap panchayat after marriage.

There is a plot, but it drags on listlessly and beats around the bush way too much to get to the point.

The movie has a feel apt for a limited-episode TV series and it turns out that director Ajai Sinha has not graduated from a serial formula — rather a bad one at that.

To elaborate, he makes good actors like Om Puri and Govind Namdeo look and more importantly, sound silly. There are glaring technical flaws and continuity breaks that have been ignored during the shoot as well as post production. Also featuring mind-numbingly slow and out-of-place song and dance sequences that are nothing more than a waste of precious reel space and screen time. And camera work so bad I’m surprised the director chose his DOP.

Kucch Luv Jaisaa: Not a fun ride

A bored, under-appreciated housewife, who decides to break out of her monotony, meets a stranger and spends a day with him — not knowing who he is, or what his motives are and discovers a different side to her personality.

To her credit, director Barnali Ray Shukla does have an interesting premise at the heart of “Kucch Luv Jaisaa” but a good idea doesn’t always translate into a good film and this is the perfect example.

Shefali Shah plays Madhu, the bored, overworked housewife who, tired of being taken for granted by her family, gives in to an impulse on her birthday and decides to reclaim her life.

She splurges on new clothes, a makeover and even buys a car, but that clearly isn’t enough excitement for a day. She comes across a stranger at a coffee shop, deduces for herself that he is a detective and begs to let her assist him on a case.

The stranger is Raghav, and he is no detective, but a criminal on the run from the police. He decides to go along with the detective story so that he can escape and the duo end up at a resort on the outskirts of Mumbai.

There really is nothing more to say — the movie is a good idea that translates into a very boring and at times ridiculous film. There is a scene towards the end with Shah’s character and her daughter, which revolves around love and sex, a scene cringe-worthy and inappropriate on so many levels.

The dialogue is inane, with one gem from Madhu’s husband, going “this nail polish will be like your friend. And after all, isn’t that what everyone wants?”

Luv Ka The End: Bumpy ride

“Luv Ka The End” is Yashraj Film’s first foray into a genre they call “youth films”, or films they think are tailor-made for the under-25 audience. But as all teenagers will know, there’s a thin line between being cool and trying too hard. This film is trying too hard, and there’s no two ways about it.

Unfunny gags, over-smart dialogues and one-dimensional characters do not a cool film make. Nor do obvious product placements, for that matter.

Shraddha Kapoor plays Rhea Dialdas, a spunky teenager, in love with her boyfriend, who happens to be rich and the most popular boy in school. On the eve of her 18th birthday, while she is making plans to take their relationship to the “next level”, she discovers that the man of her dreams is actually part of a secret rich boys club which scores each member on how many girls they can sleep with. What’s more he puts up the evidence on the net for the whole world to see.

Seething with rage, Rhea, with the help of her two best friends, decides to get even with Luv Nanda. The trio then proceed to do a whole lot of blatantly illegal stuff, including pretty much stealing his car, smashing it with baseball bats and stealing his credit cards. Is this really what it takes to get over someone?

Then they drug him, dress him up in drag and also steal his date’s car. Throughout, the gags are uniformly unfunny and the acting doesn’t elevate them to any higher level. Shraddha Kapoor needs to polish up her acting skills – she can’t even pull off a genuinely surprised look convincingly. Tahaa Shah, who plays Luv is wooden and should join Kapoor in acting lessons.

Pushtie, who plays Rhea’s overweight, feisty best friend, is the only bright spot in the juvenile film. I wish director Bumpy and the film’s crew, most of which is made up of ex-MTV alumni, hadn’t tried so hard to be cool – it’s so uncool.

If you want to save yourself some heartache, stay away from this one. If you are a teenager though, you might want to give it a go. And as we know, there is no accounting for teenagers and their tastes – the Twilight franchise is ample proof of that. Who am I to judge?

Anjaana Anjaani: Suicidal story

Making a film with just two characters and about their journey towards love is a concept that has worked quite well in the past.

The Ethan Hawke starrer “Before Sunrise” and its sequel “Before Sunset” come to mind immediately. These films had at their centre a great love story between two very interesting people and their interaction with each other itself was enough to take the story forward.

It is of course entirely to the credit of the director and the scriptwriter that he can achieve that.

And no matter how many foreign locales director Siddharth Anand shoots in and no matter how American his characters talk and act, he doesn’t come even close to creating that kind of interest and sympathy for them, or his film for that matter.

“Anjaana Anjaani” is about Kiara and Aakash, two very whiny people who meet each other when they are trying to kill themselves but by the time they change their mind, you might want to do the deed for them.

They spend the two-and-a-half-hour film driving around the desert and swimming in freezing water, pretending they are friends, when you could have saved them that trouble and told them they were going to fall in love in the first five minutes of the film. Their exchanges are childish to say the least and have none of the freshness and originality you might expect from a film that is anyway re-hashing an old formula.

Both Ranbir Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra share a good chemistry on screen but give the sense that they are trying too hard to make up for the listless script. The last scene especially is so bad it is cringeworthy and both actors ham it up like there is no tomorrow.

Milenge Milenge: Outdated and unwatchable

Watching “Milenge Milenge” is like finishing an entire bottle of tomato ketchup. Ketchup that was manufactured a decade or two earlier. So eating it/watching this movie will ensure that a) you won’t enjoy it and b) it will be harmful to your health because the product is long past its expiry date.

This is one of those films that didn’t get released at a time when it should have — that is when Kareena Kapoor’s peroxide hair was in vogue, landlines were more in use than mobiles and sequined dresses were considered fashionable.

Unfortunately, like all of the above, this film is way past its “best before” date and hence almost entirely unwatchable. Kareena Kapoor plays Priya Malhotra, an incredibly gullible girl who decides she wants to spend the rest of her life with a boy based on the three days she spends with him.

Shahid Kapur plays Immy, an incredibly arrogant young man, who thinks he can get a girl to fall in love with him by lying to her and pretending to be holier-than-thou.

Somehow, the two fall in love but when it becomes clear that Immy is a drinking, cigarette-smoking liar (all qualities Priya hates), she dumps him.

When he pleads with Priya to get her back, she decides to let destiny decide their fate. This somehow involves a 50-rupee note and a 30-rupee book on numerology. Don’t ask me to explain further.

Immy doesn’t agree initially, pointing out their meeting is destined because they meet at a mall which is called ‘Destiny’. It gets better but don’t let me spoil the fun.

Kites: Romance is in the air

It has been such a long time since Bollywood has made a true-blue romance that purely on that merit alone, “Kites” is worth a watch.

Passion, chemistry and the cruel world against true love have become secondary when it comes to matters like reforming our education system or discovering new worlds.

Anurag Basu’s “Kites” makes no such pretences. It is about a boy and a girl madly, passionately in love who have to fight to stay together. There is no larger message business here.

What there is instead is crackling chemistry and beautifully shot scenes and a reminder of the good old 80s and 90s when love was the main theme in Indian cinema, making you forgive many of the obvious flaws in the film.

Hrithik Roshan plays J, a dashing but slippery customer who bides his time by marrying immigrants for green cards and teaches dance classes while he waits to hit the jackpot at the many casinos of Las Vegas.

When one of his students, the daughter of a rich casino owner falls for him, J plays along but his plans go awry when he falls for Linda (Barbara Mori), the fiancée of the casino owner’s son.

Desperately in love and on the run from her furious, gun-toting fiancé, they hit the road and in spite of the fact she can’t speak English and he doesn’t understand a word of Spanish, fall even more in love with each other.