Mario Di Simine

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Oil, immigrants and … penises?

April 30, 2010

Last week it was a volcano, this week it’s an oil spill. Last week it was all about illegal immigrants. They’re still here this week. Last week there was trouble on “South Park”, this week there’s trouble with penises. Herewith, the most popular stories of the week.

1. U.S. oil spill growing

Is Louisiana absolutely the unluckiest state in the union? The state is still recovering from the Katrina disaster and now must also deal with the fallout of an oil rig blast that is spewing oil into the sea and threatening its shoreline (along with three other states). The army has been called in, the company that owns the well (BP) is facing lawsuits and the spill itself may end up being the worst ecological disaster in U.S. history. More than enough drama to make it our top video of the week.

2. Arizona immigrant law energizes Hispanics, Democrats

This was the second top story of the week — I’m waiting to share No. 1 — but it is also among the most-read for the second week in a row.  Here’s why: There’s a bunch of  folks in Arizona. They were born there. There are a bunch of other folks in Arizona. They were not born there. Among those folks not born there are some folks there illegally. Some of the folks who were born there and live there legally want to drive the illegal ones out of the state (it borders Mexico, by the way, from which you can imply what you like). So a law was passed to crack down on the illegal ones. Some other folks didn’t like that and now a whole bunch of folks everywhere are mad. I have a feeling we’ll be seeing this one again next week.

3. Ukraine fight over Black Sea vote

Is this anyway to run your parliament? Yes, says I! Eggs flying, smoke bombs tossed, bloodied noses, wrestling … what’s not to love about a government that REALLY takes itself seriously. I want to see House Speaker Nancy Pelosi clobber House Minority Leader John Boehner (POW!) or maybe Senator John McCain putting Senator John Kerry in a good tight headlock (Do ya, give, Johnny? Do ya?!). Come on, people. Where’s the passion?

4. U.S. Senate Repbulican calls for swift swaps rules

Now, when I first read this headline I thought some old neo-con in the party was channel surfing one night and had come across the ABC TV program Wife Swap. I imagined he recalled the “swaps” discussions he’d overheard lately as he meandered through the Senate. Having put 1+1 together, he stormed into the hallowed halls of Congress and demanded rules, darn it! Rules to restrict such crude un-American behavior! Alas, life rarely imitates art …

5. Police barred from penis enlargement

And finally … the No.1 story of the week. Actually, this one landed on Friday past but has remained top of the list through this week.  The first paragraph nicely sums up the, um, thrust: “Forget about getting a job as a police officer in Indonesia’s Papua if you have had your penis enlarged. You won’t get it …” Thanks, don’t want it, either.

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