Nothing says “August” like 100 media reporters writing 1,000 words each about a story whose outcome was in the bag months ago.

That’s why we and our peers hit — and hit HARD — the latest Tribune story. In short, shareholders of the publisher of the Los Angeles Times and Chicago Tribune voted for an $8.2 billion buyout led by real estate tycoon Sam “If it’s not dead, I don’t want it” Zell.

In the interests of fairness:

- Tribune is profitable, not dead, but how else do you characterize the newspaper business when one of its biggest financial saviors flaunts his reputation for doing the two-step in the cemetery?

- Credit markets have been in a state of decay themselves, and for Tribune, which is burrowing into $8.4 billion in debt to go private, it did seem for a bit like there was some life to breathe into the shareholder vote story… even though the vote was never in doubt.

Since nothing spells “sleep-inducing” like “$8.2 billion going-private transaction,” here’s the best shorthand we could come up with on the deal so you can skip over these paragraphs in every story you read about Tribune from now on:

The company will now be structured as an employee-owned company. Zell will pay $315 million and get the option to buy a 40 percent stake. And you’d best believe that Zell will run the company, as the “ESOP,” or employee stock ownership plan, does not mean that executive compensation will be determined by the obit staff at the Hartford Courant.

If you get all hot and bothered by share spreads and stock moves, you probably read stories saying that Tribune’s stock price recently dropped to around $24. That’s $10 less than the share price agreed on to pay shareholders. Huffing and puffing ensued, here and elsewhere, that investors thought Zell could walk away from the deal if it seemed too moribund even for him. Others worried that Trib wouldn’t be able to handle the debt payments.

But what if all that proves to be one scarlet herring? Maybe the bigger concern is that the Federal Communications Commission won’t let Tribune — which owns plenty of nice TV properties — transfer some of those broadcast licenses to the new owners with the same sweet grandfathering clauses that let the company operate multiple properties in the same markets?

Media/tech news this week:

Sony’s “Superbad” dropped the funk-bomb on “Rush Hour 3″ to take the No. 1 spot at the U.S. box office this weekend. I AM McLOVIN! (Reuters)

Long live Viacom exec chair Sumner Redstone! Here’s how he does it. (Fortune)

Virgin Media suffers new blow as CEO quits. (Reuters)

YouTube is making its biggest push into video advertising on its Web site, as parent company Google Inc tries to capture a bigger slice of Web marketing budgets. (Reuters)

CBS is in hot water after reports it exploited your kids in the name of ratings violated child labor laws while filming its soon-to-debut reality show “Kid Nation.” (The New York Times) (Deadline Hollywood Daily)

(Additional reporting by Robert MacMillan)