Jimmy Kimmel at the upfront: Hey, we’re lying to you

May 19, 2009

Remember the days when the upfront presentations featured chart-topping singers, Broadway acts and drag racing, and lasted five or six hours? Most of that has disappeared over the past couple of years.

Today, these are largely low-key affairs. Executives talk about the importance of network TV, show a few clips from the new programs, promise to work closely with advertisers and call it a day.

Still, some stars do appear. ABC still trots out Jimmy Kimmel for a few laughs each year during its upfront presentation at Lincoln Center.

Here are some of his lines from Tuesday. Judge for yourself…

“Everything you heard today, everything you’ll hear this week is complete bullsh*t. First of all there is no ad lab. You really think we have a laboratory for ads?”

“These shows were so excited about? We’re going to cancel about 90 percent of them.”

“This show ‘Shark Tank’ has the word ‘tank’ right in the title.”

“The truth is, we’ve been lying to you. Every year we lie to you and every year you come back for more. It’s an abusive relationship.”

“You have to hand it to NBC. They are trying things. And they are giving Jay’s fans something they really wanted: an early bird special.”

“Next year I hear Jack Bauer is going to have a sidekick… who will be played by Kiefer Sutherland’s probation officer.”

“Yes we made a mistake with the caveman show last year. But wait till you see our show with that Geico lizard.”

“I think all our shows are going to work this year. I really do… I don’t really.”

(Photo: Reuters)

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