From: Mark Zuckerberg

To: All Facebook Staff

Subject: New cafeteria menu

 

Friends,

While some of you have welcomed the new all-you-can-kill menu at the company cafeteria, our monitoring of your status updates and private messages suggests some of you would have appreciated advance warning about the changes. This update aims to clarify some of the misinformation, much of which was deliberately spread by disgruntled former employees. You might also find it helpful to study the photographs I shared with you from my Memorial Day barbecue, where I demonstrated how to turn twin cows named Tyler and Cameron* into hamburgers. Once you’re comfortable with killing your own meat I’m sure you’ll find the new cafeteria options simple, healthy and cooler than a million dollars!