“Hi there young lady, is your mom at home? WHAT? You ARE the mom! Get out!

“I’m going door to door in your neighborhood today offering our Columbus Day special on vinyl siding. You’ve got a real nice home here, and it deserves to have that special vinyl look!

“Well, suit yourself. How about a new asphalt driveway? Body work on your car? A gas grill? Ginsu knives? Uh, Modern Boating Magazine? How are you fixed for brushes?

“Tupperware? Fresh meat? Do you know about Jehovah’s Witnesses?

“Oh, wait! Don’t close the door! I think I’m also running for President!”

Stick it to the man! Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Democratic presidential nominee Senator Barack Obama talks to a potential voter as he canvasses support in a neighborhood in Holland, Ohio, October 12, 2008. REUTERS/ Jim Young

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Confidential memo to fashion show staff: I hate to say it, but some of our creations for the upcoming show are kind of, well, to use the technical term, crappy.

It’s in our best interest not to let folks get too good a look at them. So, here’s what we do. We hold our show outside, at midnight, at the end of a dark alley. Brilliant, right?

Then, we keep the photographers 300 yards from the designs - we’ll say it’s for their safety. You know, like the models have a fatal, contagious disease or something like that. Herb, can you get the girls to sneeze and retch and barf a lot?

We’ll also mention that fashion readers are more interested in dark bricks and shadows than actually seeing clothes, and we’ll sell the whole thing as artistic! Call me a cynic, but I’m willing to bet somebody will use those photos!

Make your mom proud! Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Models present creations by designer Vassilis Zoulias during fashion week in Athens, October 8, 2008. REUTERS/John Kolesidis

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, are all the campaign debates over with now?

Of course not, italic font-using stranger! As the photos show, both candidates are busy prepping for the crucial Math Debate. The format is, they hold up fingers to answer math questions like, “If you are counting on six states but your opponent seems to be taking five of them away from you, how many do you have left?

I had no idea! So that will be the last debate, then?

No, there’s still the one next week in which all of the questions must be answered in Turkish.

I didn’t even know the candidates spoke Turkish!

Oh, they don’t. It should be a doozy, huh?

Do the right thing. Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Obama photos by REUTERS/Carlos Barria

McCain photos by REUTERS/Jim Young

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, you’ve been great about advising people on jobs to avoid. I just picked up a flashy brochure about the “exciting field of rocket-leading,” and I wonder what you can tell me about it. 

You were smart to come to me. Below is a photo of a rocket-leader at work, walking a few feet from the business end of a Soyuz spacecraft.

Just on the other side of those red exhaust thingies are millions of gallons of Space Gasoline or whatever stuff they use, and there are probably some cosmonauts up in the cockpit, smoking cigarettes and flipping all the buttons on the dashboard. So, if you’ve ever seen a cartoon, you can figure out where this guy will be in a few minutes.

Oh. Still, I bet those dudes really get the chicks. Where would I have to go?

Sigh. Well, this rocket-leader is working in Kazakhstan. I can refer you to a movie if you want more information.

Be somebody! Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Russian Soyuz TMA-12 spacecraft blasts off from Kazakhstan in April, 2008. REUTERS/Shamil Zhumatov

A policeman leads the Russian Soyuz TMA-13 spacecraft to its launch pad in Kazakhstan, October 10, 2008. REUTERS/Shamil Zhumatov

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Okay, if you personally know any Australian people, you need to read this.

A university in Australia says it needs to teach basic English grammar to its students after discovering the majority of them can’t even identify a noun. I am not making this up.

I personally suspected this noun problem when the Pope visited Australia this summer and a big headline there read, “*** Arrives In ***!”

Until this is corrected, please avoid using nouns - they will only embarrass your Australian friends. Try saying sentences like, “Hey, Sheila, your *** is on fire!” or ” I got my *** torn off by a giant *** today!”

And remember to show compassion. Take their hand and say, “I understand.” Say it slowly, and then repeat it.

Stand up for your rights!  Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Nothing to do with this story: Dinky, a piano-playing singing dingo, entertains tourists at Jim’s Place, a roadhouse in Stuart’s Well in central Australia in an undated photo.  REUTERS/ Handout

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Note to fashion design staff: Every so often we need to remember that haute couture is about raw animal sexuality. It’s about a woman feeling desirable, about giving her the confidence to think, ”Hey, I’ll never look HOTTER than I do tonight!”

Take the Pierre Cardin number shown here. When this woman shows up in this sizzling outfit,  jaws will drop and every man in the room will want to take her home.

“So, gorgeous! What’s YOUR name?”

“They call me Gumby, big boy!”

“Well, Gumby, do you know how turned on I get when I see a chick in a blue sleeping bag with slits for her face and arms?”

“Yeah, you and every OTHER dude! Get in line! **

**  A simulated conversation not based on real events.

Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

A model presents a creation by French designer Pierre Cardin as part of his 2009 spring/summer and autumn/winter ready-to-wear fashion collection in Theoule-sur-Mer, southern France, October 6, 2008. REUTERS/Eric Gaillard

More stuff from Oddly Enough

It’s pretty well known that Chad Ruble, our guy who collects strange video clips, is under contract with the Germans to mention them at least once a week, normally in connection with some cute animal cubs.

Today, however, he reports on Oktoberfest and uses the phrase “I threw up in my lederhosen,” which I’m pretty sure is the only phrase actually banned in his contract. We’ll see what happens.

 Here’s Chad and here is Chad’s Archive…

Are you on Facebook? Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, you seem to know a lot about the language. I saw the word “devotee” a couple of days ago, and I wonder what it means.

Good question. The roots of the word “devotee” break down into DEVO and TEE, or “feet with no feeling.” So, proper usage would be like, “I dropped a cement block on my left devotee, but didn’t feel a thing.” I hope this is helpful.

Not to seem ungrateful, but what’s your source?

Photo captions. They teach us a lot about words. Check out these pictures, where “devotees” are walking on burning coals.

You never know ANYTHING! Can you give me the name of a REAL blog?

I could, but I’d probably just get it wrong.

 Waste more of your life. Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Devotees walk on fire during the festival of the Nine Emperor Gods in Kuala Lumpur, October 7, 2008. REUTERS/ Zainal Abd Halim

More stuff from Oddly Enough

A McCain supporter from Pennsylvania writes to say she attended a rally there yesterday and was impressed with Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin.

“I just wondered if you have any news photographs of Palin’s legs and shoes at that event, which I can save for my grandchildren?” she asks.

We sure do! Take your pick. From yesterday’s rally we’ve got half-calves blurred, full calves and shoes in focus, front shins blurred, etc….

In the event you want news photographs of the candidate’s actual face, well, as Palin likes to say, “I’ll try to find ya some and I’ll bring ‘em to ya.“

For more Sarah Palin shoe shots, click here and here and here.

Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin attends a rally in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, October 8, 2008. REUTERS/Carlos Barria

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, I rely on you for most of my news on international relations.

That’s probably not a great idea.

Anyway, I saw today that President Bush just signed something called the United States-India Nuclear Cooperation Approval and Non-proliferation Enhancement Act. What in the heck is that about?

Well, simplified, it’s an act designed to enhance the nuclear approval of non-proliferation cooperation between the U.S. and India…

Look, these folks have to seem like they’re making progress. So they get an old issue of TV Guide, staple a fancy cover on it saying the United States-India Nuclear Cooperation Approval and Non-proliferation Enhancement  Act, and they sign it. Most of the stuff they sign is just TV Guides in fancy covers.

Just look at the photo - none of them can even keep a straight face! Later, they will all share a bag of Utz barbecue chips and some Nehi grape sodas.

Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

President George W. Bush signs the United States-India Nuclear Cooperation Approval and Non-proliferation Enhancement Act during a ceremony in the East Room of the White House in Washington October 8, 2008. REUTERS/ Kevin Lamarque

More stuff from Oddly Enough