Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Watch out for that rex, Becks!
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Remember when you were a kid, arguing about who would win in a fight between Wonder Woman and Batman, and stuff like that? Well, hold on to your hat, because scientists have just revealed that the Tyrannosaurus rex could outrun today’s athletes. I’m not making this up.
…this carnivore was certainly capable of running and would have little difficulty in chasing down footballer David Beckham, for instance, said one paleontologist in our news story.
Now, this isn’t a major worry for anybody except maybe The Flintstones, because 65 million years ago it turned out that dinosaurs couldn’t outrun a meteor. But still, using this valuable new research and the lifelike calculator on my laptop, I am now prepared to say:
- A Tyrannosaurus can just forget about catching David Beckham’s awesome open-top Aston Martin
- A Tyrannosaurus riding on Seabiscuit might be able to catch Beckham on the homestretch
- A speeding Tyrannosaurus who fails to come to a full stop on my street will have to deal with the lazy cop who waits by the park, looking for easy pickings
An animatronic model of a Tyrannosaurus performs during a media call show of the production “Walking with Dinosaurs” in Sydney January 10, 2007. REUTERS/Tim Wimborne
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But if Becks were to drive his awesome open-top Aston Martin on the freeway over which this big baby perches, the Tyrannosaurus could just reach in and pick him out.
Damn, you’re right! This career as a history detective isn’t as easy as I thought!
I don’t really care what scientists say. I say that if I had a tyrannosaurus chasing after me, the amount of adrenaline coursing through my body would propel me to at least 70 mph on my feet. Or my heart would explode and I wouldn’t be the least bit worried about him eating me.
Yeah, lots to think about here. And we haven’t even gotten to questions about how a Tyrannosaurus would do against a Tour de France team….
Well, we know TRex can’t outrun Jeff Golblum in a Jeep.
No dinosaur can outrun Jeff Goldblum in a jeep For dinosaurs, the gold standard is Jeff Goldblum in a jeep.
Well, the T-Rex may almost be capable of running down David Beckham, but can he bend it like Beckham?
He’s a big animal. Sure. He weighs in at around twelve tons. Dressed out, though, he’s only about four tons. Plus, I think he is an exception to the ‘brain tanning’ rule.
The Tyrannosaurus Rex, it was recently revealed, was rendered extinct by the short-lived evolutionary conundrum that was the muzzle bird.
Scientists are still trying to determine whether T-Rex was capable of shifting its pigment to present a repeating black and white pentagon/hexagon camouflage pattern.
The Tyrannasaurus Knoxville, on the other hand, is the most likely candidate for a dinosaur that would, today, snort a soccer ball up one nostril, only to spit that same soccer ball out of its mouth with cameras rolling.