Who sang Funkytown? Who sang Funkytown? Who…

November 28, 2007

pickup-200.jpgThis dude wrote a book about picking up women. He says he was named “world’s greatest pickup artist” for three years. I never won that title, and didn’t even know there was a contest. But the thing is, this expert’s advice just sounds funny.

Take rule number one: When you walk into a room look like you are having fun and don’t look around for attractive women. Now, if you see a guy walk in by himself looking like he’s “having fun,” you’re probably going to wonder what he’s on, and why he isn’t looking for attractive women like the other guys are, right?

Rule number two: Have a simple question to ask people, like who sings a certain song, so you can move around the room easily. This cracks me up. When women learn this guy is asking who sang Funkytown, over and over, they’re gonna think he has attention deficit disorder, which may not make him a chick-magnet.

The expert says even if a guy is really obese, he should just spray on a tan and put on jewelry, and he’ll get women. Right. They’ll be, like, “Who’s that rotund guy with jaundice, and why is his man-jewelry so oily-looking?” Here’s our story, by Belinda Goldsmith:

photo REUTERS/handout

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Well, all that is fine, but what’s REALLY effective is if a guy simply fans out his feathered tail, puffs out his neck and bobs his head while making warbling/cooing noises under his breath.

Posted by Lady Weasel | Report as abusive

Having this guy give advice about picking up girls is like having Heidi Klum give us women advice about picking up men. Please: he’s not picking up women, he’s *getting picked up by them*.

Also, spray-on-tan and jewelry? Is he on Jason Davis‘s staff?

Thirdly, Cynthia Johnson.

Posted by Charlene | Report as abusive

Pickup artist? I’ve got a quarter ton could use a touchup.

Posted by Shawn Hendricks | Report as abusive

Did he mention condoms in any part of his rhetoric?

Posted by Shawn Hendricks | Report as abusive

No, Shawn, he didn’t mention condoms. I wonder if he mentioned changing his name and moving a lot.

Posted by Charlene | Report as abusive

Lipps & Co sang “Funkytown”

Posted by Ray | Report as abusive