“Floyd, you down in that basement again? Still workin’ on that itty-bitty nutcracker? It’s been six months! Have you lost your mind, Floyd? Do you SEE any tiny nuts that need cracking?

“That thing wouldn’t open a frickin’ pistachio, Floyd! Plus, you can barely see down here. Let me strike this match so you can… Oops! Sorry, Floyd. Maybe you can start another one…”

As Agnes berates Floyd, let’s move on to ballet. Here’s a scene from the most massive version of “The Nutcracker“ ever staged, presented this holiday season at the…. What? Oh. I’ve just been told this is actually Bolivia’s presidential honor guard, which explains why there’s so little Tchaikovsky playing. Maybe you should click here, instead. We now return to Agnes and Floyd.

Slideshow on itty-bitty things:

More stories from the Oddly Enough Blog

Above, world’s smallest nutcracker, with moving parts, next to a match in Neuhausen, Germany. REUTERS/ Michaela Rehle

Presidential honor guard, in La Paz, December 16, 2007. REUTERS/ Mariana Bazo