Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Toss another noun on the noun, mate!
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Okay, if you personally know any Australian people, you need to read this.
A university in Australia says it needs to teach basic English grammar to its students after discovering the majority of them can’t even identify a noun. I am not making this up.
I personally suspected this noun problem when the Pope visited Australia this summer and a big headline there read, “*** Arrives In ***!”
Until this is corrected, please avoid using nouns – they will only embarrass your Australian friends. Try saying sentences like, “Hey, Sheila, your *** is on fire!” or ” I got my *** torn off by a giant *** today!”
And remember to show compassion. Take their hand and say, “I understand.” Say it slowly, and then repeat it.
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Nothing to do with this story: Dinky, a piano-playing singing dingo, entertains tourists at Jim’s Place, a roadhouse in Stuart’s Well in central Australia in an undated photo. REUTERS/ Handout
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The Australians are right. “Nouns” are nothing but trouble. I learned this in the fifth grade, when my teacher taught us that a “noun” is “a person, place, or thing.” When I asked her what parts of speech “nobody,” “nowhere,” and “nothing” were, the [noun] hit the fan. The next day, she told me that someday, I would “make an excellent custodian.”
To this day, I shoot out her porch light every Halloween.
Coincidentally, my piano playing has often been mistaken for that of a dingo. What are the odds?
LOL, nice job Dr. Doll! I imagine she’s eating her own words right about now!
…She IS eating her own words, right?
Hmmmmmm! Have you listened To your own president lately mate???? Now there is a lesson to be learnt!
Dinky di Aussie
Sad but true – and some of these kids will be our future leaders – now that’s a worry.
Considering that Australian Universities alumni are made up of upto 60% non-english speaking background (Asian, European, Americans), I’d say that statistic is spot on!
as a pom having spent equal time between the two, the only problem I find is the Aussies differentiating between sinle & plural eg ‘Australia are better at cricket than England’ or ‘England is better at darts than Australia’.. still uncertain
Dingos ate my baby.
The real shock of this study to me is that 40% of Australians know what a noun is. I don’t think 4% of the writers I edit know what a noun is.
40% of them can spell “noun” – on a good day.
why are you guys getting all fired up at Robert…
he is a well known sh*t blogger anyways.
And i agree with Dinky di Aussie, look at ur own president..
look at your “might be” future leaders…Palin and McCain..
ur making me laugh
Sad but true. I learned basic grammar by going to the library and reading books about it. It is supposed to be taught in primary school, but what is taught tends to come down to the preference of one’s teacher. In high school, hardly any of my peers knew the difference between a verb and an adjective. By university they seemed to know even less. My English lecturer and I would sit and drink coffee after class and joke about how ignorant the current crop of students are. But it is not their fault. There is a great big grammatical hole in the education system over here.
Pretty slow newsday huh? Dr Doll… They are compound nouns. Robert Basler.. Newspaper Headlines are advertisements designed to sell newspapers. They have nothing to do with Grammar, Besides, Americans debauch the english language more than any other nationality.. Example: George Bush – “You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.” —Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001
Sort out your own use of english first, then you qualify to criticise others.
60% non-English speaking background alumni is a surprise, especially those American-speaking Yanks!
Are you kidding me?
This is rich coming from a nation that can not spell proper English! Ha!
… and clearly employs people with the short-sighted (oh by the way, that’s called a hyphen between those two words), profiling views on other nations.
As we say down here in Australia,
“Take your head out of your arse”
Cheers.
perhaps the aussies fail at nouns
but the yanks fail at any common sense what so ever
and the damn english… gee lets not start there
’tis in Melbourne. Makes sense; they don’t speak English down there.
Captain Obvious: You really are no fun at all. I am familiar with compound nounds. The point was as follows: “nobody” is not a “person”; “nowhere” is not a “place”; “nothing” is not a “thing.” I thought that was obvious, Captain. So, Captain, where do you live? And do you have a porch light….
Bandage: I just made most of that up. The only true part was that my fifth-grade teacher told me that I would someday “make an excellent custodian.” (And that my playing has often been mistaken for that of a dingo, of course.) I am a doctor two times over(doctor of philosophy, juris doctor.) I saw my former teacher five or six years ago at a college homecoming. (What irony, eh?) She said: “Randy, I always knew that you were something special and that you would do yourself credit.” I bit my tongue.
Everyone else: GET A SENSE OF HUMOR, OR GET YOURSELF EMBALMED! And, it’s “English.”
FYI, RLM is AKA “Dr. Doll” (socalled by my support staff ever since a hearing officer called me “doll,” “sweetie,” and “sweetheart” in an administrative hearing. Absolutely true!
I think stats of popular ignorance can be found for pretty much any country. They’re harmless & kind of fun to toss around at cocktail parties, but there’s no reason to take them personally.
Dr. Doll: You seeing anyone currently?
This article makes no *** sense.
Thats bull, i’m from Australia and my two little sisters who are 8 and 9 know what nouns are.
Its no suprise though, that so many uni students don’t know what a noun is… seeing as its english word most of them have probably never heard of it as Most people in my course didn’t get taught english in Australia..
haha i think i just contradicted my own argument… my grammar was pretty bad in that last comment!!
No, listen…this is all just non-sense. We need to all just chill for a sec. You guys are all just being silly. So like, come on, ok? I love you guys <3
We don’t know what nouns are?
Well nor do American kids according to your president.
“[T]he illiteracy level of our children are appalling”. -—Washington, D.C., Jan. 23, 2004
Oh dear, maybe you should teach basic grammar to your leaders?
And also, about the dingo, let me just ask, can your native animals do that? No? I didn’t think so.
Why do I need to learn English? I’ll never go to England.
Am I reading this right? Is an American commenting on the education system of another country? I was shocked at the low levels of expectation in American secondary schools when I visited 3 years ago.
Australian universities also take a lot of international students because Australian students university fees are subsidised by the government (they do not have to pay fees until they earn enough to afford it) and they use international students to generate additional revenue. For undergraduate courses, the figure is certainly not 60% international students.
Also, for the record, Australians would never say “toss another shrimp on the barbie”, because an Australian would never say shrimp. We eat prawns. Prawns.
My babies eat dingoes so there.
PS Speaking of nouns. The plural of dingo is Dingoes not Dingos you Drongo
Ron: “Also, for the record, Australians would never say ‘toss another shrimp on the barbie’, because an Australian would never say shrimp. We eat prawns. Prawns.”
EXACTLY
Prawns? Those little chess pieces? Interesting.
And so the America bashing begins. McCain/Palin 2009
Oh and also….long live skippy!!
Scat: unlassoed.
This is a very interesting blog, I like it very much.
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lauran
Business Sales
Wow. Some of you Aussie’s need to talk to my copy-editing fem-nazi friend. I hear that 90% of the people she talks to are idiots.
Of course in the US, 99% of the people I talk to are idiots, so, you know.
But! We get well drilled on nouns. US student’s weakness lies in punctuation. I want to see a poll of US college students, and you ask them about
1. apostrophes
2. semi-colons
3. colons
4. commas
And see what you get.