Honey! No! Don’t fluff that pillow!

November 26, 2008

“Mr. Johnson, do you want a holster or a box for your new pistol?”
“I’ll sleep on it…”

I once proposed an official Department of Finding Out What Imbeciles are Doing and Quickly Banning It.  That was after it became clear that folks needed to be told not to text-message while driving.

So here’s another one to add to the list. Some rocket scientist has had his gun license taken away because the police found out he was sleeping with a loaded revolver under his pillow. I’m not making this up.

A judge explained that the ruling sets a legal precedent, in effect outlawing SLEEPING ON TOP OF A FIREARM! Boy, that’s a downer, because I was thinking of doing just that next weekend!

Before you ask what the police were doing looking under this sharpie’s pillow, I’ll tell you: he had threatened to throw a hand grenade if the city council took some action he didn’t like. Not making that up, either.

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Don’t mix pillows and guns: A German tourist (L) engages in a pillow fight with a Balinese woman on Bali in 2007 file photo. REUTERS/Murdani Usman

Guns in a display case in a 2008 file photo. REUTERS/Jessica Rinaldi

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Things that I am thankful for. Well, I’m very thankful that there is no such thing as a rectal barometer! And I’m thankful that I’m not crazy enough to sleep with a loaded firearm under my pillow!

What am I truly thankful for? When I was growing up on my parents’ farm, there was a ruin of an ancient chicken house, which had burned down when I was very young. It had been made out of red clay blocks. Someone had written on one of the blocks before it was fired “FROM LORD of LOVE / FROM HEAVEN.” It remained in the corner of the building where a couple of walls still stood. I still have that block, and put it out into one of my gardens every spring.

That block is the cornerstone of what I am truly thankful for: My parents; my wife and family; my (business) partners, who are just like family; my career; my health; my sense of humor. These are the values, which I never want to take for granted. They are the values which I approach with gratitude, humility and respect.

Once there was an English professor who on the last day of class would take in a glass jar filled with stones. He would ask his class if the jar was full, and most students would respond “yes.” So the professor then added sand to the top of the jar, and asked if the jar was full. Wary now, most of the students would say it appeared to be full, or words to that effect. So the professor then opened two cans of beer and poured them into the jar.

He then told the class that the demonstration was to show what was really important in life. If the jar was a life, the stones were the really important things in life – love, family, friends. They were the most important things. The sand, he said, was health, a career and so on.

The students asked what the beer was. The professor answered: “Oh, that was just to show you that there is always room for a couple of beers.”

Happy and safe Thanksgiving to you and yours.

Posted by Dr. Doll | Report as abusive

Doesn’t James Bond sleep with his gun under his pillow? It’s referenced in at least two movies I can think of (Tomorrow Never Dies and Die Another Day).

Posted by James | Report as abusive

Dr. Droll, get a blog site to make useless posts that have next to nothing to do with the topic hand. My own fault for reading yuor post.

I say let people sleep with a loaded pistol under their pillow so we can have more Darwin stories.

Posted by justin | Report as abusive

any of y’all ever used to watch a show called Sledge Hammer. A comedy about a neurotic cop. He used to sleep with his gun on the other pillow. It was quite funny. well.. i though so.

Posted by RyCA | Report as abusive

Isn’t this the basis for like 30 johnny cash songs?

Posted by jeremy | Report as abusive

I loved the Sledge Hammer show. He was my kind of cop. My favorite episode was when he handcuffed a bad guy to the outside of the car and then drove to the police staton.

Posted by Fred | Report as abusive

If someone is that insecure about their safety sure I think it would be fine. Revolvers will not just spontaneously go off.

Posted by Joseph | Report as abusive

Tell that to the 862,000 Americans every year who are killed by bullets fired under their pillows. Don’t hold me to that figure – I just made it up.

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

Sledge Hammer episodes are available at Netflix. Not quite as good as I remembered them, but still fun. He used to talk to his gun too.

Posted by Kurt | Report as abusive

I wouldn’t want to sleep with a gun under my pillow, but I can think of more than a few people I wouldn’t bother to talk out of it.

Posted by Tim | Report as abusive

Any good old country boy from the USA can tell you, the revolver would have to be cocked to “go off”. Most slide guns have a safety. Home defense requires a loaded gun to be readily available not locked in a closet with no ammo. Sounds like a police state to me.

Posted by George | Report as abusive

lol Kurt, don’t all men talk to their guns?

Posted by bonnie | Report as abusive

i keep my revolver under my pillow when i go to bed, and my 1911 is in the nightstand, where a shotgun sits behind that.

wish i had more semi auto guns.. good times.

Posted by hobo | Report as abusive

Okay, my dogs have a flame-thrower.

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

I’m pretty sure in the U.S. it’s still legal to sleep with your gun. I don’t see a problem with that. If they kill themselves because of it, problem solved.

Posted by Snuggles | Report as abusive

It’s only really a problem when you wake up in the middle of the night mistaken that you just got out of the shower, and try to dry your hair with it. I hate when that happens.

Posted by pipey | Report as abusive

[…] Honey! No! Don’t fluff that pillow! Some rocket scientist in Germany has had his gun license taken away from him because the police found out he was sleeping with a loaded revolver under his pillow. I’m not making this up. […]

Posted by Honey! No! Don’t fluff that pillow! | Bullshit² | Report as abusive

Next thing you know they’ll be banning gas furnaces in your basement… I mean, as long as you’re safe with them they are fine… but what if it spontaneously “goes off”? Also, no more driving around in cars with gas tanks. Gasoline is highly flammable.

Posted by bbeckley14 | Report as abusive