Well, this is just too sick!

November 26, 2008

Warning: readers who are easily disturbed or offended should not read this item.

A Colorado judge is trying a new punishment for people charged with being too noisy. He sentences them to an hour of listening to Barry Manilow.

The judge says he is “teaching manners to people,” and that his tactic is working.

We’ve seen this sort of sick cruelty before. Two years ago, a neighborhood tried to get rid of low-lifes by blasting Manilow music over loudspeakers. My blog on that was called, Wouldn’t it be more humane just to shoot them?

Whether this form of torture continues, only time will tell. But I will tell you one thing: If I’m ever in Colorado and this judge sends his goons after me, they’ll never take me alive!

Manilow torture video

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Singer Barry Manilow in 2006 file photos. REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni and Mike Blake

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i think that qualifies as cruel and unusual punishment

Posted by greg | Report as abusive

Well… bad as it is, it could be worse, really: you could be sentenced to listen to Ray Conniff in a room where it smells of dentistry products and have the dentist’s drill sounding in the background…

Posted by M | Report as abusive

M, now you’re just getting sadistic!

Sure, I mean you could do that, and you make a person watch mimes and folk dancers while this is going on, too, but nobody could survive more than six seconds of that.

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

Ooooh. I like the mime punishment combined with the Manilow noises combined with the smell of buring tires for people who smoke in public places.

Posted by Dr. Doll | Report as abusive

Well… if you were listening to Manilow at 120 dB when you got caught, then it’s not really a punishment, is it?

Posted by m. george | Report as abusive

I think the judge should strap ’em in a chair, affix eyelid retractors (aka clockwork orange) and make them watch polka dancing accompanied by accordions.

Posted by gwmc | Report as abusive

Wow! What a sickfest THIS is turning into. I wondered how long until some sadist threw in accordions….

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

The Obama administration will outlaw torture, so take heart!

Posted by John C Abell | Report as abusive

Don’t forget the banjos!!!! I remember a Night Gallery episode where a hippie finds himself in a room. Its got old people wanting to watch vacation slide shows and a huge stack of big band records to play. He finds out he’s in hell of course. Then they mention that there is an identical room in heaven. Irony!

I always liked the saying, “Hell is other people’s music.”.

Posted by DalGoda | Report as abusive

Ive been alive forever,
And I wrote the very first song.
I put the words and the melodies together,
I am music,
And I write the songs.

Posted by jeremy | Report as abusive

I think the punishment fits the crime. But the article did state that other music such as Barney is also used. The article also said that the punish works.

Posted by Heather W | Report as abusive

Thanks, Heather, but I believe the article said that the JUDGE SAYS the punishment works.

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

Oddly, I enjoy Manilow’s music and I like polka with accordians too. Perhaps an excellent punishment for those who are bothered by sound-torture would be pop-music performed by pianists. That “music” freezes my blood!

Posted by ohkimber | Report as abusive

Awwww. But I like Barry Manilow! Oh Mandy! You gave and you came without taking . . . . and I neeeeeed youuuuuuuuuu!!!!!

Posted by S Alidon | Report as abusive

You know I can’t smile without you
I can’t smile without you
I can’t laugh and I can’t sing
I’m finding it hard to do anything

Posted by Elisheva Wiriaatmadja | Report as abusive

What about having Sarah Palin singing her political opinions with Manilow songs melodies? Wicked!

Posted by Zeevo | Report as abusive

You folks are WAY closer to the edge than I ever dreamed. My work here is almost finished…

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

Or force them to watch all of obama’s campaign speeches from start to finish. I would be good after that to be sure.

Posted by Ron | Report as abusive

What kind of sick, sad world do we live in with punishments to cruel…

Posted by Claire | Report as abusive

What? no mention of Pat Boone singing Little Richard?

Posted by Michael A | Report as abusive

No. As you should know, Michael, that’s specifically mentioned in the Geneva Convention.

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

Manilow music seems to be rather calming and it certainly is not music one would want to blast for enjoyment. I would think making someone listen to music that they ordinarily would not listent to for an hour might convince them to stop blasting their own. So hip-hop for jazz listeners, old country music for R&D or techno afficianodos.

Posted by J | Report as abusive

After a painfully brief marriage, I sought refuge at a small university where I knew no one, in a dorm room otherwise populated by a group of small-town girls who’d been friends since kindergarten. These lovely ladies turned Barry on every morning at 6 a.m., one tape after another, after another, then back to the first as they took turns washing, blow drying, and curling their Farah Fawcett hair. Naturally, Barry needed to be loud enough to hear over simultaneous shower and hair dryers – right up until the last girl left for class.

Morning Manilow apparently had its effect, as none of those ladies passed enough classes to justify a second semeter.

As for me, having survived an abusive husband, Barry could not inflict lasting harm. My brain still functions, most of the time.

Posted by Ana | Report as abusive

no way is that a punishment i listen to manilow music that loud everyday for pleasure 😛

Posted by Flack | Report as abusive