A large coffee and 60 drums of Napalm, please

December 2, 2008

I may as well not hide my feelings. I don’t know if you saw Britney Spears’ act on TV today, but it was another sign of the coming Apocalypse, an example of decaying moral values in this country.

I know you’re saying, “Shut up! She put on an awesome show, going through a ring of fire in a sexy outfit!”

Yes, but she did it about 8 o’clock in the morning! She had to get up at like 6 a.m., pull on fishnet stockings, load big cans of Napalm into her station wagon and drive over to set up the act.

Who does stuff like this at that hour, when decent folks are sucking back scalding coffee, watching Krispy Kreme doughnuts come down the conveyor, or calling in sick?

When I was growing up, we had only one firm rule in our house: NO rings of fire until noon, no matter what! So don’t come crying to me if your kid burns down the house early tomorrow, trying to be just like Britney.

Slideshow of Britney’s act

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Singer Britney Spears performs on ABC’s “Good Morning America” in New York December 2, 2008. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson

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That was a tad ostentatious for Good Morning America, I thought. If it was me, I might have saved a few dancers and the pyrotechnics for the evening show, instead of ruining the surprise on the morning crowd.

Posted by Mary K | Report as abusive

Nice to see Britney is taking the next step in her career – the newest tiger in the Siegfried & Roy Holiday Spectacular!

Posted by Jim R | Report as abusive

Next time she tries this she’ll probably burn herself.

Posted by jon | Report as abusive

Judging by the conflagration, it appears she did load up some big cans of napalm when 6-8 ounces would have been plenty for that size ring. They’re lucky they didn’t lose the studio. Notice the fire extinguishers blasting away impotently from either side…

Posted by gwmc | Report as abusive

I wondered why I saw people walking through the Penn Station subway stop today carrying Britney Spears signs… I thought there was a new Hare Krishna sect or something.

Posted by Lhyzz | Report as abusive

Lucky she wasn’t Michael Jackson, or else they’d have had a fully-blown pyro-emergency!

Posted by M | Report as abusive

Luckily, her human suit didn’t melt off to expose her true alien form.

Posted by K | Report as abusive

I see lights…I see no fire extinguishers. It’s a sad day when this is news worthy stuff…even if its not serious news. Honestly, does the queen of all blow hards really need another “story” done up about her? What is wrong with this country when a terrible mother/pop star can warrant so much attention? I get it…she’s hot in a trailer park trash kind of way, can’t we move on?

Posted by Grimathy | Report as abusive

I think the homage to Richard Pryor was in poor taste.

Posted by John C Abell | Report as abusive

Big … deal. I’ve eaten more dangerous onion rings. And I’ve seen better buns on a hamburger.

Posted by Dr. Doll | Report as abusive