Yule be sorry! On, Downer and Blitzen!

December 10, 2008

santa-300.jpgI have a holiday tradition going back, oh, one year, in which I offer up some bummer holiday tales to manage the emotions of folks like me who are giddy with the love of the season.

I’ve retooled my list and checked it twice, and here is the newest crop of seasonal stories designed to bring you back down to Earth.

If anybody wants to turn these into a cute little illustrated book or maybe a calendar, I’m sure we can work something out…

I’m Santa! Ho ho hold your fire!

Mayday! We have a Santa situation!

But Santa! You can’t swim!

Put your hands where Santa can see ‘em, kid!

Maybe Santa’s not chubby, he’s just wearing Kevlar

Billy, when Christmas is over we’ll start your therapy!

Joey, don’t open those shutters!

Don’t look up the chimney, kids…

Got your Santa suit? No, the other kind…

Santa salutes Christmas…or something…

Protester dressed as Santa Claus is arrested by police in front of the official residence of Canadian Prime Minister in a 2007 file photo. REUTERS/Christopher Pike

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3 comments

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Christmas in my family was never about Santa Claus. I don’t remember ever hearing my parents say anything about him. I do remember thinking one of my uncles was a nut when he asked me what “Santy Claus” brought me for Christmas.

In our house, Christmas was about church, family, and togetherness. Even though money was very, very tight, Mom and Dad always got us exactly what we wanted. We knew where the bounty came from, and the sacrifices they made to give it to us. And that is what made it special, after all.

ditto, Dr. Doll. I don’t like the idea of an all-knowing, omnipresent, pedophiliac old man who bases his “love” (for lack of a better word) for me on whether or not I’m good enough to deserve it. but hey, to each his own.

Posted by Mary K | Report as abusive

Pedophiliac? I thought he was only after the milk and cookies… Wait,… were the milk and cookies metaphorical?!

[...] I have too much holiday spirit. It makes me giddy, and I’m no good until something brings me back down to earth, like a [...]