Jumpin’ jimminy chimney!

December 18, 2008

It’s time again for our popular feature called Stuff Maybe We Should Have Explained in the Caption, but Didn’t. We’re told that this designated Swiss defense minister is in his hometown, being congratulated by chimney sweepers.

What? Cripes, I live in a whole neighborhood of Victorian homes festooned with fireplaces, and I’ve never seen this many chimney sweepers together at one time.

What did this guy do, go to a chimney sweeper bar? If you’re a bar owner, would you opt for an after-work crowd of guys with soot from head to toe, leaving their ashy imprints on the pretzel bowl and everything?

“Gents! It’s great to be home again! I’d have come sooner, but I had the flue! Get it?

“Bartender, make me a Burning Santa, and turn on the TV! It’s SWEEPS week!

“Yeah, I got a million chimney jokes! Stick around, boys!’

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Chimney sweepers congratulate designated Swiss Defense Minister Ueli Maurer during a visit to his hometown Hinwil, east of Zurich, December 18, 2008. REUTERS/ Arnd Wiegmann

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Hey! No bashing of chimney sweeps allowed!
I began my illustrious career of Human Being as a chimney sweep in New York City and can tell you direct that I finished every job cleaner than when I began. Ever see a sooty Dick Van Dyke?

The whole point to the esoteric art of keeping buildings from burning down due to furnace or fireplace ignorance is to maintain sheer immaculateness. It is the magic of chimney sweeps, to purify ones exhaust while looking like an angel… meanwhile, the hat should be short and made of felt (poor beaver…)

Note the amazing lack of dandruff on the bald pate of the Defense Minister… no soot there, kids! Why the Swiss are using Sweeps to defend the country from enemies shall remain a mystery to all… at least all who do not know the secret Chimney Sweeps password:

In Cognitum Gesundheit

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