Mommy, it’s MICKEY! No, not the mouse!

January 13, 2009

Children, gather round. It’s time you learn what happens to BAD boys and girls.

We know you hide your Brussels sprouts under your dinner plate, and you hate old Aunt Corinne who smells like Noxema. We know you sneak out at night and run with scissors and try to start the Buick.

Did it ever occur to you there would be a price to pay? Lean in and listen for dear life.

Very late one stormy, moonless night, when lightning dances from from the sky, you shall hear the squish-squash of soaking wet tennis shoes getting louder and louder outside your window.

Suddenly, a face will appear pressed against the glass, there and gone, there and gone, as lightning flashes. And it will be… MICKEY ROURKE!!!!!

Think about that when you do bad things. Nobody can protect bad children from MICKEY ROURKE!

Okay kiddies, off to bed now!

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Above: Actor Mickey Rourke arrives for UK premiere of “The Wrestler, January 5, 2009. REUTERS/ Luke MacGregor

Below: Rourke arrives for American Film Institute awards luncheon in Los Angeles, January 9, 2009. REUTERS/ Lucas Jackson

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GAH! My eyes!

Seriously, this makes me wish I hadn’t thrown away my copy of 9 1/2 Weeks.

[...] signed Mickey Rourke to appear at the promotion event, and we need to make sure he looks [...]