Ssss! Your ssstretch limo is here!
It turns out there’s one more thing to be afraid of. Meet the Titanoboa, which scientists just reported on.
The snake was 43 feet long – about like two stretch limos parked at a prom – and weighed 2,500 pounds, roughly like the Exxon Valdez, give or take.
A Titanoboa fossil was found at a coal mine, which I guess means he enjoyed eating sweaty guys in hard hats. But the amazing part is that nowhere in our story can I find the crucial word “extinct.”
He could still be out there, slithering toward your home some damp, moonless night, looking for a wide bedroom window to crawl through.
My advice? If your daughter is going to a prom, tell her not to be the first one in the stretch limo. Also, Village People, watch your backs!
Below: Artist’s rendering shows prehistoric snake Titanoboa, whose remains were found in a Colombian coal mine. REUTERS/ Jason Bourque