News, but not the serious kind
Ssss! Your ssstretch limo is here!
It turns out there’s one more thing to be afraid of. Meet the Titanoboa, which scientists just reported on.
The snake was 43 feet long – about like two stretch limos parked at a prom – and weighed 2,500 pounds, roughly like the Exxon Valdez, give or take.
A Titanoboa fossil was found at a coal mine, which I guess means he enjoyed eating sweaty guys in hard hats. But the amazing part is that nowhere in our story can I find the crucial word “extinct.”
He could still be out there, slithering toward your home some damp, moonless night, looking for a wide bedroom window to crawl through.
My advice? If your daughter is going to a prom, tell her not to be the first one in the stretch limo. Also, Village People, watch your backs!
Below: Artist’s rendering shows prehistoric snake Titanoboa, whose remains were found in a Colombian coal mine. REUTERS/ Jason Bourque