Warning: smoking tobacco may be… Oh, never mind!

March 30, 2009

Confidential memo to Acme Tobacco Research and Development Team:

I think you guys have really come up with something great with your new product, Jumborettes.

Who wants to light up one cancer stick after another when you can have the nicotine equivalent of an all-you-can-eat buffet?

Of course, our tests of the massive cigarettes in selected markets show we do have a few kinks to sort out:

  • Consumers need a wheelbarrow to haul a pack home.
  • Today’s carmakers are NOT in the mood to redesign dashboard lighters for these puppies.
  • Office workers will have to stand outside for a single eight-hour cigarette break before heading home at quitting time.
  • Some young teenagers aren’t strong enough to hold Jumborettes. Jumborette Juniors, anyone?

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Participants smoke tobacco during the longest tobacco rolling contest, in a week-long celebration of the Tobacco Festival in Candon city, north of Manila March 27, 2009. REUTERS/ Stringer

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4 comments

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Which end of the thing (and it looks more like a gigantic two-way sex toy than a tobacco product) is lit? And who is smoking for God’s sake? The guy’s end has the smoke, but the lady seems to on the sucking end!

Please, God, spare me my mind…

Posted by Ratbertovich | Report as abusive

he is blowing on it to help start it. so it is the female who is smoking it… i think.

Posted by Greg | Report as abusive

We are witnessing the end of civilization as we know it.

Posted by Bill | Report as abusive

Imagine if this was in California, with the legal medical ganja

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