The roadkill family vacation scrapbook!

April 5, 2009

Sorry to get serious for a moment readers, but… Death. Our inevitable fate.

There’s just something about death that makes us as human beings want to stand in front of it and get our fricking picture snapped.

That’s right. That’s what these guys are doing near this whale carcass. For all we know there may be a LINE of tourists waiting to use the thing as a scenic backdrop, like it’s the White House or something!

“Hey Emily, look at this picture from way back in 2009! Remember that day? I was wearing that very unfortunate swirly blue swimsuit, and we saw that big dead whale!

“I had Grampa hold you there for this picture, but a killer shark came out of the whale and bit Grampa in half, and then you were in therapy for 15 years. Good times!

“Oh, look at this one, Emily! It’s you in front of that dead Mafia guy in Little Italy!”

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Tourists take pictures near the carcass of a whale on a beach in Sanya, Hainan province, March 28, 2009. The whale measured 23 feet in length and weighed more than 2,200 pounds. REUTERS/ China Daily

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Mr Bob,Awhile back, in the day, way back when…While I was stationed in South Carolina, I could just drive down my road every third day, and there would be this aged gentleman pedalling down the road, a possum or a ‘coon, scraped off of the road, in his front mounted bicycle basket.Now that I live in Missouri, some of the people around here (who are rightly called hillbillies) seem to think that a few days of on laying on the road seems to be the perfect ‘tenderizing’ period, before they shovel up these same treats.The possums and ‘coons do the laying out time. Not the stalwart ‘billies.Some of these fine people don’t have bathrooms in their houses. Some of them don’t seem to use electricity much, either. Which is quite all right, seeing as how many people live in houses with more bathrooms than occupants, nowadays.Eating al roadco (which is somehow linked to eating al fresco), seems to be well emplaced out here.Would you like some eyes with that order?Man! I seem to have lost my appetite, for some reason!

Posted by tim | Report as abusive

You know, Tim, I do all my posts individually and don’t plan any themes or anything, but looking at the most recent two, there’s an obvious connection. Perhaps families on vacation should photograph the whale, and then head immediately for that railroad track.

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

Mr Bob,I think that is a fabulous idea!Or better yet?If there are large beach kills or jungle kills, or whatever, I do think that the large animal should be flown to the nearest set of RR tracks.That way, the whole family can enjoy their vacations, while hitching rides on boxcars!Why stint on the fun? Anyone can do this!And, if there aren’t any large ‘kills,’ just strap an elephant or something as lovely as an elephant to the tracks. Tell the families who are going to these vacation spots to jump clear a mile or so away, then they have their perfect get away with no choo choos bearing down on them!

Posted by tim | Report as abusive

“A dead mobster in little Italy”!!! WTF!!!Keep your anti-Italian American racism to yourself you slim ball.

Posted by Ron Fellastanoocci | Report as abusive

I can’t decide which is more disturbing…the dead whale…or the rear shot of the photographer “lady?”.(side note) Wish me luck Bob…I’m going in at midnight and I should be back sometime Tuesday with my Zoe Belle!!

Posted by K | Report as abusive

We’ll be thinking of you, K. So I can expect more comments from you on Wednesday?

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

I dunno, whenever I see a giant dead whale washed up on the beach, it just makes me want to fill it with dynomite and blow it up! Hopefully these people will do the same. Also make sure they park some cars nearby so we can get some good action shots!

Posted by Jiggily | Report as abusive

it’s not the dead whale or the bathing suit that bothers me, it’s “her” thigh high boots that disturb…

Posted by winelips | Report as abusive

I prefer my road kill filtered through a gator. It is the Flardah way.

Posted by Zen Bonobo | Report as abusive

Mmmm…gator filtered….

Posted by tim | Report as abusive

I’m not sure grandma is wearing thigh high boots. They look too tight so I think they’re socks or stockings. Either way between the thigh high whatevers, the one peice and the red baseball cap she’s one damn sexy GILF! Anybody else but me wanna see the front?

Posted by Loo | Report as abusive

Sorry Loo, I’ve been forced to give your name to the authorities. Well, actually, I volunteered it…

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

Oooh. Stripey!

Posted by Shawn Hendricks | Report as abusive