Blog Guy, I know you own a high-powered personal security company with some huge clients. What’s the latest thinking on protecting VIPs? Bullet-proof limousines, Kevlar, decoys, or what?

Harlequin masks. I disguise my clients with masks they can hold in front of their face in public. Here are some photos so you can see how effective it is.

They’re not disguised at all, you imbecile. One of them is Charlize Theron and the other is Salma Hayek. They might as well have name tags.

I guess that’s my bad.

Plus, don’t you think somebody walking down a city street holding a fancy mask over their face is going to attract a lot of attention, Blog Guy?

I never thought about it that way.

Also, you know how hard it is to walk in those? She’s bound to trip, and then you’ve got Charlize Theron with a broken nose and missing teeth. And another thing…

Uh-oh. I have to go stop the Obamas from walking downtown to lunch in their masks.

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Above: Actress Charlize Theron boards a boat to attend a party by Mexican-born actress Salma Hayek and French entrepreneur Francois-Henri Pinault in Venice, April 24, 2009. The couple were married in Paris on Valentine’s Day and are throwing a party for friends in the canal city.

Below: Actress Salma Hayek boards a boat in Venice, April 24, 2009.

REUTERS photos by Michele Crosera

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