I’ll take the Old Testament for $500, Alex!

June 3, 2009

Okay, so they’ve appointed this new crime czar over in the West African nation of Guinea, to oversee the fight against drugs and serious crime.

Guys like that always call for more police, more convictions, blah blah blah. So let’s listen in and see what this dude, Captain Moussa Tiegboro Camara, suggests for fighting criminals.

He says burn ‘em. Just burn ‘em right up.

Holy crap! And he’s not talking about serial killers or nuclear terrorists, that’s just his suggestion for handling armed robbers.

“I’m asking you to burn all armed bandits who are caught red-handed committing an armed robbery,” is what he said yesterday. “The prisons are full and cannot take more people…”

I’d like to know what he has in store for more serious criminals, but I’m afraid to ask. I’m guessing it involves some combination of disembowelment, hungry rodents, Barry Manilow music and Brussels sprouts.

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Above: A police sign burns in the capital Conakry in a 2008 file photo. REUTERS/Saliou Samb

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13 comments

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Robert, the fact that you insist on combining Brussels sprouts and Mandy music is, to me, a clear indication of your psychopathic tendencies. I believe you need to make sure you are taking your daily dose of lithium and prozac, man. I mean, really!!! Your cruelty is really looking beyond redemption to me!

Posted by M | Report as abusive

That’s one of the advantages of living in a little developing country; you can find economic opportunity in other people’s problems and supply a valuable service. For instance, we have all these Guantanamo people creating a puzzle in need of a solution and they have a little country that can provide a forthright solution to the problem…and pull themselves up a notch by their bootstraps!

Well… citizen vigilantes have always been the subject of heated debate…

I take your point, Dave, but wouldn’t all that burning be bad for the environment? Don’t we need a green way to dispose of armed robbers?

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

Regarding M’s concern:

Seriously Bob. What IS it with your cruelty towards Brussels sprouts?!

One thing for sure… it will cut down on the number of repeat offenders!

Posted by Mike | Report as abusive

I think you reveal your real cruelty by picking on me, Barry Manilow, just because I have a lovely, velvety voice and a tender song-styling way of making songs that touch the heart, the testicles, the uterus, the spleen and other parts too numinous to mention.

Why pick on me? I don’t burn criminals. However, if the Guinean guy would burn you, I wouldn’t be sad, but, I would write a song that makes the whole world sing.

Posted by Barry Manilow | Report as abusive

Why do you always clear away my lovely and meretricious postings? Bob, are you afraid of constructive feedback?

Posted by Ralph RoisterDoister | Report as abusive

No.

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

So, if Guinea sees a drop in crime, will other nations take notice and adopt this policy?

If so, I’d like to go ahead and get all my armed robbery out of the way before the law gets changed.

@ Ralph RoisterDoister

Meretricious?

Mr Bob,

I would suggest using Susan Bolyles attempt at trying to warble some tuneless songs, instead of Barry Manilows also badly rendered renditions.

Posted by tim | Report as abusive

I agree: burning wastes resources, produces noxious smoke, and is probably more of a hassle than it’s worth. Bullets might cause lead contamination. I would suggest use of a machete, axe, or the like for a swift beheading.

Posted by Adrian | Report as abusive