Well here’s your problem right here, ma’am!

June 12, 2009

Ring ring ring…

“Hello? Is this the police? I want to come down to the station to report a stolen car…”

“Your call is important to us. Currently our office is being overrun by hundreds of venomous snakes, so please expect to be bitten a few times and maybe die.”

“Ah, then I think I’ll just wait. Maybe I’ll start taking the bus instead of driving. Good-bye.”

The above was a simulated conversation about a real situation over in Sierra Leone, where an actual police station is overflowing with slithering cobras and vipers.

According to our story they’ve tried getting rid of them by using snake charmers and have also tried smoking them out, with no luck. The next plan is to use firemen and soldiers to flood them out, which I’m guessing they haven’t properly discussed with experts or with their insurance agents.

I’m also guessing that the only bright spot is that reported crimes in that precinct are way, way down.

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Above: Snake Handler Jack Bibby dangles rattlesnakes from his mouth during a performance at the Taylor Rattlesnake Sacking Championships in Taylor, Texas, in a 2007 file photo. REUTERS/Jessica Rinaldi

Left: A traditional dancing devil parades down the streets of central Freetown, Sierra Leone, in a 2008 file photo. REUTERS/Katrina Manson

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14 comments

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Is this what people mean when they talk about law enforcement having too much wiggle room?…

Personally, I suspect that what happened here is that the guy who services their police cars has a German background, and so while he wanted to order 400 new wipers he said “vipers,” and, well, hilarity ensued…

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

Or perhaps someonen tried to order 400 Dodge Vipers

Posted by G | Report as abusive

Exactly! And some classic 1966 Shelby Cobras, too…

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

Ah…. Good thing the police never drove Gremlins then…

Right. Or Chrysler Zombies, or Buick Serial Killers or Dodge Cannibals….

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

These guys should send some of the snakes off to Guinea, so the new Defense minister doesn’t encourage burning people but chasing after them with snakes! Perfect win-win situation, right?

Posted by M | Report as abusive

I’ll bet Cobra Commander could get them out of there…

Posted by N | Report as abusive

Sounds like a typical police station, I mean being over-run with lawyers and all.

Posted by Bill N. | Report as abusive

Actually this guy is on a hunger strike…he said he is going to do this until somebody brings him a dozen donuts.

Posted by Sandy | Report as abusive

I suppose ordering a bunch of Dodge Rams could have been safer… hmmm… maybe not!

Where’s Samuel Jackson when you need him?

Posted by CC | Report as abusive

Come on, now!

You just let those snake handling religious guys alone!

I heard that the religious people that handle snakes will spit venom into your eyes, if you don’t just leave them to their own snaky goodness!

See? I am in fear for your peerless eyes of understanding!

Take care for yourself! No poison laden loogies coming at ya!

I hope!

Posted by tim | Report as abusive

[...] week we heard about a police station in Sierra Leone that was overrun by venomous snakes. I’m pleased to report soldiers with [...]

[...] week we heard about a police station in Sierra Leone that was overrun by venomous snakes. I’m pleased to report soldiers with [...]

Has no-one suggested the remedy from that episode of The Simpsons where Bart and Lisa enlist the help of Barry White whose smooth low crooning lures the snakes out of harm’s way?

It’s worth a shot, right?

When you wrongly imprison one of MIT’s vacationing Beavers, bad things happen.

Posted by Shawn Hendricks | Report as abusive