Am I my brothel’s keeper?

August 11, 2009

Hey Blog Guy, I’m going to London on vacation. Let’s say some evening after a great English meal I want to find a brothel. You know, a bawdy house. A bordello. A den of iniquity. Where do I go?

That’s easy. Just go to any no-sign door and knock.

Um, no-sign door?

Yes. As  you can see here, places that aren’t brothels have signs saying they’re not brothels, so anyplace with no “not a brothel” sign probably is one.

Is that 100 percent foolproof?

Unfortunately, no. There are some brothels with a “not a brothel” sign, just to fool the police. Then again, there are some non-brothels with no sign, because it fell off.

I’m totally confused. So what should I do?

You should  wear a t-shirt that says, “I’m not looking for a prostitute, so if you’re not a prostitute let’s mess around and I won’t pay you.”

Cripes. That makes my head spin, but I’ll try it.

Fine. Just make sure you have plenty of British money with you to not pay her with.

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A sign is pictured above a door knocker in the Soho district of London, August 9, 2009. REUTERS/Luke MacGregor

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Are you sure this is not the door at 10 Downing?

Posted by M | Report as abusive

Why stop at the “this is not a brothel” sign? How about “This is not a money-laundering establishment” sign, or “No white slaves kept here,” or “No meth lab at this location.” If this catches on, it’s a fabulous opportunity for sign makers everywhere. Good-bye recession!

Posted by Twitter Fail | Report as abusive

Oh I think I get it! Is this the kind of thing low-income Palin-fans are doing with the issue of health care reform?

Posted by Bandage | Report as abusive

Come on, Bobby. You’re being a bit unrealistic here. Soho has a reputation for being a rather rough red-light district. So, discerning, discreet, discriminate chaps don’t go there.

Actually, though, brothels are illegal in the U.K., prostitution is not. So, a better strategem is to check ads for local “escort services.” The hotel concierge, of course, is always a good source. Hotel working girls tend to be a cut above the massage parlor types. Best have a 100 quid handy to avoid the 6’6″ collection gorilla.

Posted by gwmc | Report as abusive

I always remember the news stories from the 70’s when they were trying to clean Soho up. A number of unscrupulous establishments would entice a visitor in, the girls would get chatty with them and ask for a drink, which of course would be champagne, and then the visitor would be charged 50 quid a bottle or more when they tried to leave. If they couldn’t (or wouldn’t) pay the bill, they often ended up being taken care of by the local “security”.

Posted by Tony | Report as abusive

Is this what you call a “Dear John” letter? Tony, I’ve heard they still do that in Soho. I believe the girls at such establishments refer to the visitors as, er, “Tonies.”

Posted by Dr. Doll | Report as abusive

How bad does it have to be to hang a sign? If it looks like a brothel, and smells like a brothel…

Posted by panic away | Report as abusive