Oh, you’ll pay me all right, it’s Mandytory!

September 4, 2009

Blog Guy, I’m very worried and I need your help. I read this article about expensive performers you can hire for weddings and parties. Like for just $1.5 million, I guess you could have Amy Winehouse sing at a child’s birthday party.

Yeah, if you’re not trying for the “Parent of the Year” award.

Well, here’s what really worries me. The article said Barry Manilow will play a party for $1.3 million. But what if he ‘demands more than that to NOT show up and play? I’m not sure I can afford that.

Sorry, you’ve lost me there…

Look. Suppose I’m setting up for my wedding reception and suddenly Barry Manilow comes by and says, “Looks like a nice party here. It’d be a shame if I came along and sang, wouldn’t it? For $2 million, I can promise that won’t happen.”

Well if that happens, then you just hang tough and say, “Look here, Barry Manilow, I’m not afraid of anything you can do to me!”

Yeah? And so then what if he raises his thumb, opens his mouth and says,” But I sent you away, oh Mandy, well, you kissed me and stopped me from shakin’ and I need you today, oh, Mandy…”

Yeah, now I see your point. Is there anybody you could borrow the $2 million from? Maybe a second mortgage on your house, or dip into your 401K or something?

Slideshow on expensive wedding performers

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Above: British singer Amy Winehouse arrives at the City of Westminster Magistrates Court in central London, March 17, 2009. REUTERS/Kieran Doherty

Left: Singer Barry Manilow in a 2006 file photo. REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni

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I had never though of this, but I wonder what would result if Amy Winehouse and Mandy mated… wait, I am not sure any armed forces are quite prepared to handle that kind of dangerous material… I think it better if we change the subject, please.

Posted by M | Report as abusive

Thanks for resurrecting and refreshing that old Marx Bros. routine about how much it would cost for the band NOT to play. (“You couldn’t afford it.”) I feel rewarded for remembering it!I don’t know which face is scarier: the Winehouse snarl or Manilow botoxed and lifted till he’s as tight as the plastic music he performs. Oh, I know, I know. He’s the Showman of His Generation. A droolworthy megasex god who keeps his rumored secret wife happy at home. I have heard it all, Fanilows.

Posted by Neely O'Hara | Report as abusive

Thanks, but I never saw that old Marx Brothers routine. Is it possible they took it from me?

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive