Wanna come back to MY place, human?

September 25, 2009

Blog Guy, I’m a hip young single guy, and I need some dating advice.

You’ve sure come to the right place. I can pretend I know all about that stuff.

I go to singles bars, and sometimes chicks will say, “You want to come back to my place?” But I don’t always know if I should.

I hear you. For starters, if she’s in the parking lot and you haven’t even gone inside yet, you should probably pass.

Wow, thanks! What else?

Well, hair can be a giveaway. If a woman looks as though hers was styled by a helicopter rotor, say something diplomatic, like “Sorry, as you can see, I’m a Roman Catholic priest.”

And what about her clothes? Should I be looking for a chick with a very low-cut top, or a more respectable turtleneck sweater, or….

Let me stop you there. The only actual rule is, if she has a top with different-colored circles glued over her breasts, AND she has the rotor hair, look her in the eye and say, “My Birthers Club is meeting here now, maybe you’d like to join us?”

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Above: Model presents a creation from Eun Jeong 2010 Spring/ Summer collection at London Fashion Week, September 18, 2009.

Right: Model presents a creation from House of Holland 2010 Spring/ Summer collection at London Fashion Week, September 21, 2009.

REUTERS photos by Stefan Wermuth

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My number one rule was to never pick up a chick that I actually couldn’t pick up.

Posted by Glenn | Report as abusive

I was never interested in a woman desparate enough to let me pick her up.

Mr. Moderator?

Posted by Bill | Report as abusive

Yeah, I think I know where you’re going with this, Bill. I don’t seem to be reaching quite the golden demographic that advertisers and other readers are looking for. Maybe not even the demographic that human beings are looking for…

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

Fantastic: The perfect look for a girl like me who goes to bars in order to have drinks. Pretending to be married only worked about half the time anyway.

Hey K4, I’m betting that isn’t your real name…

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

At least that first comment disappeared

Posted by Bill | Report as abusive

Yes, but I can put it back anytime….

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

I’m thinking that it could be wise to avoid women who might have birds nesting in their hair.

Posted by Marla | Report as abusive

Psh, they did that second photo’s outfit in Mean Girls. Janis cut two holes in Regina’s tank top to try and humiliate her but she made that look so good that next day, every girl in school had cut two holes in her shirt.

So yeah. Fail.

Posted by Emma | Report as abusive

We’ll behave.

Posted by Bill | Report as abusive

Are we seriously discussing fasahion??

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive