Slay bells ring, are ya listenin’?

October 16, 2009

The holidays are rushing at us, and if you’re like me, nothing says “Peace on Earth” like the topic of serial killers. So you’ll be happy to know that the 2010 Serial Killer Calendar is now available if you’re looking for a gift for Uncle Lamar, who broke out of maximum security and is knocking on your door with an ax.

I am not making this up. You really can get the calendar online, and at some pretty respectable bookshops.

But there’s other merchandise as well: Serial Killer Trading Cards, wall clocks bearing the faces of Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy and others, kitchen aprons with the faces of real cannibals… Again, not making this up.

James Gilks, owner of and the editor of Serial Killer Magazine, tells me there’s other stuff in the pipeline.

“In fact, we are in the process of printing a new line of Manson Family Energy Drinks called “Cult-a-Cola.” We are also working on a “Jim Jones Ghoul Aid.” Keep your eye out for that early next year,” Gilks says.

Personally, I think this dude is thinking WAY too small.

Where’s the “Jack the Ripper Bloody Mary Mix?” ” What about the Son of Sam Talking Dog Toy?”

The “Zodiac Killer Charm Bracelet?” Crap, where’s my “Vlad the Impaler Giant Ice Pick?”

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Maybe the Post Office will follow up with similar stamps so we can mail our cards and presents.I can see their ad campaign slogan now:Go Postal this Christmas!

Posted by Bill | Report as abusive

Or the Hannibal Lecter cookbook? The Jeffrey Dahmer cutlery (with apologies to Mr. Stabb)? The Saw tool line? And think of the accessories you’ll need for your action figures …

Posted by Beth | Report as abusive

Robert, does the calendar include Mr. Idelphonse Nizeyimana, the guy from your post on Rwanda from yesterday? If not I guess Mr. Gilks is missing out on some of the top guys on that line of work!

Posted by M | Report as abusive

One day Jeff Dahmer invited his parents for dinner. While eating, Dahmer’s mom says, “Ya know, Jeffrey, I’m not too fond of your friends.” So Dahmer says, “Well, then just eat the noodles.”

Posted by Mr. Pierce Stabb | Report as abusive

Ya know, I almost didn’t do the ‘Dahmer Photo For Cutlery Ad’ joke because I thought that people might find it too distasteful…. I got trumped by reality.

Posted by some guy sometimes known as Peirce Stabb | Report as abusive

[...] clocks, cannibal aprons, or a subscription to Serial Killer Magazine.  There’s any number of weird serial killer goodies out there for purchase, and SKM’s editor James Gilks can sell you most of [...]

You know, you people are peverts; but I love you anyway. For Christmas I want a gold plated trephine to memorialize Jeffery Dahmert. I’ll not go into why Jeffy drilled holes in his victims heads, I’ll leave that your your own morbid memories.

Posted by gwmc | Report as abusive

“…and don’t eat the noodles with your fingers…”

Posted by Bill | Report as abusive

[...] Blog Guy, I was happy to see you’ve officially kicked off the holiday shopping season with that serial killer merchandise.  [...]

How about a Lizzy Borden lumber jack kit.Or a children’s book co-written by Jim Jones “Goodnight Forever.”

Posted by Marla | Report as abusive

[...] Blog Guy, I was happy to see you’ve officially kicked off  the holiday shopping season with that serial killer merchandise.  [...]

dont forget to check out Serial Killer Magazine.. It hits Barnes and Noble and Borders this week..

[...] Blog Guy, I was happy to see you’ve officially kicked off  the holiday shopping season with that serial killer merchandise.  [...]

…If I didn’t know better, I’d think you guys and gals were related to my sick, demented, perverse older brother, “The Devil”.

Posted by The Devil's Brother | Report as abusive

It’ll be interesting if the government actually traced everyone who buys this calendar!