A miracle cure? No chants!

October 20, 2009

Blog Guy, I need to get some medical advice from you in the strictest confidence. I am a very famous person. You may just call me Ronaldo.

Ah. You’re that guy from the big hamburger franchise? You ARE famous!

No. That would be Ronald McDonald. I myself am RONALDO, a huge soccer star, but I have injured my ankle. I need to play again soon. What do you recommend?

Get yourself some shamans – you know, magic guys. One of them should look like Muammar Gaddafi. The other one should have a dead rodent hanging from his neck.

A dead rodent… Hanging by what?

By what? By a Dead Rodent Strap, silly. What else would he use? They sell ‘em at Radio Shack.

Then what do the shamans do?

They get together this evening, holding a photo of you and some eyes and a skull and a gingerbread man cookie, and they chant.

Where did you learn all this stuff?

From a song in the musical, “South Pacific.”

Oh please don’t go where I think you’re going. What’s the song called?

Shaman Chanted Evening,” of course.

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Peruvian shamans holding a poster of Portuguese soccer player Cristiano Ronaldo walk to perform a ritual in front of the Spanish Embassy in Lima October 19, 2009. The Peruvian shamans gathered outside the Spanish Embassy in Lima on Monday to channel their energies into fighting and removing what they say is a hex on Real Madrid forward Ronaldo, who is currently sidelined with an injured ankle. REUTERS/Mariana Bazo

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7 comments

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Hopefully Ronaldo will be able to kick the bally high again. There’s the cockeyed optimist in me coming out again.

Posted by T | Report as abusive

He needs to wash those men right out of his hair, and send them on their way …

Posted by Beth | Report as abusive

This is great stuff, Beth and T. I was afraid the South Pacific reference would be too obscrure. I almost mentioned “Soul Man” instead, by Shaman Dave…

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

The music for this healing is ‘This Magic Moment,’ written by Pontius Pilate and Morty Shaman!

Get your facts right!

Posted by tim | Report as abusive

Those guys are kind of cute, aren’t they, but like the commercial says, “Don’t squeeze the shaman…”

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

And I thought this happened only in India.. :)

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

No Shra, this happens in many 3rd world countries, Peru included. But, they never squeeze the shaman; they use pages from stockpiled old Sears catalogues. The fact that they’re so biodegradable and leave a nice colorful sheen on your butt (to match your serape) makes that choice a no-brainer.

Posted by gwmc | Report as abusive