I’m out of here! Just call me Chicken Kiev!

November 2, 2009

Hey Blog Guy, I’m takin’ a vacation to Kiev soon, and I need your travel advice. I like to hang out at singles bars. I guess they’re pretty much the same everywhere?

No. In Ukraine, the singles bars are run by women, who make their own rules.

That sounds kind of hot! So what should I expect when I make the bar scene?

Be prepared to reveal as much flesh as possible, and have total strangers judge you like a side of beef. While they’re looking you over they will ask mindless questions, like “What’s your sign?” and “Do you come here often?”

But the chicks will be dressed in sexy outfits too, right?

You still don’t get it. It’s their bar, their rules. They’ll be wearing white lab coats and camouflage trousers.

And stiletto heels?

No, combat boots.

That sounds awful! Why would anybody subject themselves to disgusting treatment like that?

I dunno. It just doesn’t seem fair, does it?

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Tweat yourself to this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Medical officers review a conscript at a military training center, the biggest in the former Soviet Union, in the village of Oster, near Kiev, October 29, 2009. REUTERS/Gleb Garanich

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Robert, and of course you know this because… you’re the guy in the bottom picture holding a prudent hand in front of your manhood, right?

Posted by M | Report as abusive

“I said stand at attention, young man!”

Posted by Ms. Vlad | Report as abusive

Wow, talk about awkward. “Gee Helga, what do you think?” “I don’t know Tatiana, he looks a little wimpy to me.”

Of course, in the old US military, we used to call this the “short arm inspection.” Just turn your head and cough…

Posted by Dave | Report as abusive

…in order to cut down on illegal “seconds”, some military cafeterias insisted upon a new dress code for their soldiers…This idea was soon scrapped, however, after the first morning breakfast of bagels turned into a ring toss game…

Posted by K | Report as abusive

I know I should have taken up medical school…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Shra, I’m going to pretend that when you said that you turned to me and gave me a high five. ‘Cause I’m with you on that one.

Posted by Little Miss Random | Report as abusive

The guy in the top picture is holding WHAT in his left hand? Never mind. Please don’t answer that.

Posted by Jimmy | Report as abusive

@Jimmy, hopefully not the same thing being held by the guy on the left in the bottom picture!!

Posted by M | Report as abusive

On that note, Miss Random… Bob, do you have any more pics of these fine young gentlemen cadets?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

She’s not asking for pictures of shoes Bob, I think you should give the lady what she wants.

Besides, I hear she hasn’t taken her medication today.

Posted by Little Miss Random | Report as abusive

And what about you, LMR?

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

You know what they say about black guys? Well, the same goes for guys from the Belarus region.

Posted by some guy of belarussian ancestry | Report as abusive

I take my medication EVERY day. Trust me, it’s better that way, for all of humanity.

As for the pictures … if you refuse to show us pictures of shoes, I think the only way to make it up to us is more pictures of scantily clad, at least semi-attractive men. It will make up for all of the ‘mugs shots’.

Posted by Little Miss Random | Report as abusive

Semi-attractive men? I hate to quibble, but you can’t see the faces of those guys…

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

It wasn’t a comment on these particular guys, but rather the standard we’re expecting in general.

If I just made a blanket statement about ‘naked guys’ you’d give us more naked pictures of Russian heads of state, or other politicians, and none of us want that Bob. None of us.

Posted by Little Miss Random | Report as abusive

Come on Bob!! Show us more!! and before you let your mind do cartwheels that it can ill-afford.. I meant, whatever Miss Random says!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I’ll keep those requests in mind. Your call is important to us…

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

Really? Is that why your last post had hundreds of scantily clad semi-attractive WOMEN in it?

Posted by Little Miss Random | Report as abusive

Wait. There weren’t hundreds of women in bikinis. Maybe dozens. And no women in the gyrocopter or the Hefei subway. Let’s try to focus on reality, Miss Random…

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

But we want naked men like the ones in the pictures above!!!!
Come on blog guy, we are 2 of the most loyal followers of your blog!!
You guys have been seeing mugs for like forever, when are we gonna see some jugs?? 😉

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Jugs? I guess that must mean something different where you live…

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

Well… Not really… they just rhyme with mugs…
Moreover, you get my drift… dontcha?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Can anyone send in photos?

Posted by Catherine Zeta-Joes | Report as abusive

These ladies got the Naked Cowboy on Oct. 23; Jake LaMotta on Oct. 29; and all of these young men in this Blog. Not a ‘bar’ across any part in any photo.

I think the ladies are being selfish.

Posted by Bill | Report as abusive

Bill, you have been getting mug shots for a verrrry long time… Let us have some fun too…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

And moreover, Jake LaMotta’s naked pics are exactly what we dont need to see… so, that doesnt count…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive