First, I want to thank all you doctors for coming to this Humiliation Committee meeting to discuss our problem today. I know it’s a Thursday, so you should be enjoying a four-day weekend, as usual.

But it has come to our attention that the good old-fashioned butt check - and you all know what that involves - just doesn’t seem as demeaning and degrading as it used to.

I don’t know, maybe the lubricant got too good and it’s over too quickly. Maybe guys are just getting used to it. Heck, maybe we’re making it too much fun.

Anyway, what the committee has come up with is, we’re now going to have a nurse take PHOTOS of the procedure, just to turn up the mortification a notch or two.

What? Herb, that’s a BRILLIANT improvement! Yes, we COULD shoot video of it and post it on YouTube!

So we’ll start next week. Hah! These poor saps don’t know DEMEANING of the word Humiliation yet! Get it? Demeaning? I swear, I should be doing stand-up!

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A man goes through a medical examination for the People’s Liberation Army in Hefei, Anhui province, November 1, 2009. REUTERS/Stringer

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