Brand recognition to die for…

November 12, 2009

Welcome to the story that cannot be satirized. It’s already THAT good.

It seems the designer of the Kalashnikov rifle was just named a “Hero of Russia” by Russian President Dmitry Medvedev, who lauded him for creating “the brand every Russian is proud of.”

Please remember, I am not making any of this up.

As far as global recognition goes, Mikhail Kalashnikov’s name would be right up there with Death and Hemorrhoids, if those were actual people’s names.

Between real Kalashnikovs and knock-offs, “the brand every Russian is proud of” is often said to have killed more people than any other weapon.

Indeed, “the brand every Russian is proud of” is the weapon of choice among various armies, rebels, gangsters and drug traffickers.

Said the frail, 90-year-old Kalashnikov at the ceremony, “This is not my fault that this weapon is not used where it should.”

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Top: Mikhail Kalashnikov (R), the Russian inventor of the globally popular AK-47 assault rifle, toasts with Russia’s President Dmitry Medvedev during festivities to celebrate his 90th birthday in Moscow, November 10, 2009. REUTERS/ Natalia Kolesnikova/Pool

Middle: Afghan boys, some as young as eight, peer through the broken glass of a window of their prison in Kabul watched by a young guard with a Kalashnikov assault rifle, in a 1996 file photo. REUTERS/Stringer

Bottom: A Russian boy aims a Kalashnikov rifle at the Russian Army’s elite Dzerzhinsky division near the town of Balashikha, outside Moscow, in a 2002 file photo. The Dzerzhinsky division organized a military-style summer camp for juvenile delinquents to teach military discipline and show them contemporary weaponry. REUTERS/Sergei Karpukhin

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Thanks for noticing, Whome, but I still have faith…

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

That’s interesting, LMR. So maybe all the chicks from Mt. Isa are gorgeous, and there is some organized effort to trick guys into staying away?

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

You’re right! Maybe it’s a conspiracy by the Mayor of Mt Isa (who is a man) to keep any MORE men from getting in and snapping up all the gorgeous women.

After all, the whole problem is that, being a mining town, there’s a shortage of women, and so they’re attempting to eliminate to competition so that the aesthetically challenged MEN can keep their women.

Clearly it’s part of the white hat conspiracy.

Posted by Little Miss Random | Report as abusive

Wow, I’m surprised to find how many people are condemning the writer of this article dispite the fact that he is actually telling the truth about “Mikhail Kalashnikov’s name would be right up there with Death and Hemorrhoids”. I mean, I am pretty sure that the AK47 has killed more people than nuclear weapon has (minus the ecological disaster) since its invention, so the writer isn’t exactly wrong there comparing AK47 to Death. Also, the writer has not written a single word about banning guns in the US, so I don’t know why a lot of the people here are kicking up such a fuss, maybe you Americans should stop being such crybabies when someone tries to take away your guns.

To those comparing the AK to cars, sex has spread a lot of disease, committed awful crimes by people, maybe we should ban and condemn sex as well! (for those of you who are really that dense, I am being sarcastic)

Posted by Noobface | Report as abusive

53 Comments!!!! And I dont have one!! Not fair…
Bob, meds back!! Pronto!!!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Robert, my friend, I think the three pages of comments to this post prove there’s an incredibly, outrageously large market out there for the type of meds we have been discussing in the past few posts…

Posted by M | Report as abusive

Completely agree M…
Basler, we love your blogs, just not this one… coz it got toooooooo serious to handle…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Uh-oh, Shra. You may want to take a break from the blog for a few days when I start my week-long series on the future of nuclear energy.

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

You wouldnt do that to one of your loyal followers, would ya Bobby!?!
Guess I could suffer through it… but just for you, Bob!
Wouldnt ever do anything of this sort for any other Blog Guy!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I’d rather be shot than be doused in a flammable substance and lit with an evil match.

Posted by Sven | Report as abusive

Yeah, but if we’re talking rathers, I’d rather ride into the sunset on a unicorn than be shot with a gun. It’s flawed logic.

*deep breathing*

Remember LMR – don’t get drawn into the gun debate. Don’t get drawn into the gun debate. Especially not with Yanks.

Posted by Little Miss Random | Report as abusive

Sven is not a common Yank name…

Posted by Bill | Report as abusive

And I suppose you think that Little Miss Random was 1982′s most common name for Australian girls?

Posted by Little Miss Random | Report as abusive

Bill is a Yank name.

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I love my AK, although it’s Romanian not Russian, it doesn’t jam, easy to take care of and ammo is cheap. Can’t say I’m psyched about how it is used around the world but if you in the market for a nice assault rifle this is the way to go.

Posted by Gun Toting Liberal | Report as abusive

Well…Alfred Nobel (The Nobel Peace Prize) invented dynamite..I suppose we should get all over his butt too eh? Come on. Grow up.

Posted by Cannon | Report as abusive

Guns don’t kill people– PEOPLE kill people.
Who really needs to split hairs here? The number of suicides spikes every year during the holiday season- Because of Christmas. How many people in all of history have been killed by Christmas?
Merry Xmas everybody– I’m off my meds because I’m unemployed and my COBRA has just run out. Christmas is killing ME! Will an illegal AK-47 owner please come and pump me full of spent uranium rounds?
There’s the satire that this post has so desperately needed!

Posted by DNGLHPPR | Report as abusive

Imma let you finish, but we’re number 1!

Posted by KWest | Report as abusive

We’re number 2! Or, as Jerry Seinfeld said, “Of all the losers, you’re the best”.

Posted by KWest | Report as abusive