If superstars went to the bathroom…

November 19, 2009

According to the founder of the World Toilet Organization, the reason people are so reluctant to talk about hygiene is that it isn’t cool. He may have a point.

Television and movies show us what’s cool, and they don’t show toilets. Sure, Fonzie frequently checked out his hair in the bathroom, but you just saw a mirror.

All of this could have been different if the toilet lobby had gotten into product placement early on.

Imagine the coolest characters in movie history. What if…

  • Dirty Harry emerged from the men’s room to blast the punks, waddling with his trousers around his ankles…
  • The last line in the immortal “Casablanca” was, “Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Stop a sec, I gotta wizz…”
  • In “The Great Escape,” Steve McQueen escaped the Nazis by pulling his motorcycle into a rest stop and slipping into a men’s room stall.
  • The iconic quote was: “Bond, James Bond. You got a crapper I can use?”

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Above: Actors Hugh Jackman and Kate Winslet slide down a large inflatable toilet slide for the premiere of the animated feature “Flushed Away” in New York City in a 2006 file photo. REUTERS/ Lucas Jackson

Below: The actual bathroom of the late actor Roddy MacDowell is on display at the Hollywood History Museum in a 2001 file photo. REUTERS/Fred Prouser

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23 comments

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Leslie (Don’t call me Shirley) Nielson takes a marathon pee in The Naked Gun.Anti Spam Word is Move.

Posted by Bill | Report as abusive

And who can forget the toilet and bodily function references in the Austin Powers movies? And the shower scenes? Porky’s, Psycho, American History X, and the list goes on and on. I dunno Blog Guy, they may be reaching (for the roll, possibly?) on this one.

Posted by Dave | Report as abusive

“Frankly, Scarlett, I don’t give a crap..”.The word was VANP.S.Was it REALLY invented by a guy named “Crapper”?They don’t have those in Titicaca – they have trees.

Posted by Lonnie | Report as abusive

If Britain’s Prince Charles was voted the Coolest Leader Dude, shouldn’t his picture be on the wall above the throne – or better yet, a picture of him setting on his throne?

Posted by JavaJ | Report as abusive

Blog Guy, for the longest time I couldn’t decide whether you were British or American. You used a shibboleth in this article and I’ll claim my five pounds now.

Posted by Perpugilliam Brown | Report as abusive

Perpugilliam, I will tolerate being called many things, but not British. I’ve just reread the piece three times, and see no sign of a shibboreth….

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

Okay, Bill and Dave, the operative word here is COOL, something which few people would apply to either the Leslie Nielson character or to Austin Powers. And yes, there are thousands of shower and bathtub scenes, but that hardly counts toward making toilets seem cool.

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

Nice one, Lonnie. Not to take anything away from you, but I actually thought of using exactly that one, but I think I’ve been over-using crap lately. Somewhere I’m sure somebody is keeping track, probably while wearing a white hat, and if I go over my limit I’m in deep s—.

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

“waddling with his PANTS around his ankles.” No red-blooded American like Clint Eastwood would EVER be caught saying a word like trousers. Especially in this context. I should know because I am an anglophile and that is even worse than being British.

Posted by Perpugilliam Brown | Report as abusive

Busted! Very well spotted. You’re right, and this exchange from Dirty Harry supports you. However, it still don’t make me British:Harry Callahan: What are you going to do with those?Doctor: Going to cut your pants off.Harry Callahan: No. I’ll take them off…

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

Hmm. Very well. But be aware that I shall be looking for out for others including “whilst” “pear-shaped,” “hotting up” and “My dear friend Prince Charles who has has promised me a peerage and a white hat when he becomes king.”

Posted by Perpugilliam Brown | Report as abusive

It’s an honour just to know you read my blog; so many of my other readers have gone missing…

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

Sorry to contradict you, Robert, but don’t you think the toilet scene in Pulp Fiction is pretty cool?

Posted by Larry | Report as abusive

Yes I do, Larry, but one cool scene can only do so much.

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

“Actors Hugh Jackman and Kate Winslet slide down a large inflatable toilet slide …”Um, okay?Also, Blog Guy, I’ve just realised that your initials are RB. Do you know how many boys named RB I’ve been in love with over the years? I’m not sure if I can keep coming back here anymore. Any chance you could, I don’t know, change your name or something?

Posted by Little Miss Random | Report as abusive

Well just think of me as BG, for Blog Guy, or BB, for Bob Basler, or Ned Kelly, or something….

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

BB – OMG! You’re BIG BROTHER! I KNEW IT! The White Hat Conspiracy has just been a cover for your covert operation as Big Brother all this time.

Posted by Little Miss Random | Report as abusive

Nice one LMR! And in I’m sure what is a mere coincidence, the anti-spam word is “toast”. White hats, big brother, crappers, Karzai in a second term. That’s it, I’m increasing my meds…

Posted by Dave | Report as abusive

Love is in the toilet roll… ahem ahem…. :P

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

How about BM?You’ll have figure out for yourselves what it stands for.

Posted by Bill | Report as abusive

Barry Manilow? BM? Coincidence?

Posted by Bill | Report as abusive

Just what is the story with Barry Manilow?? I sooo dont get it!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Barry Manilow, white hats… the pressure is getting a bit too extreme for me in this blog. I need to increase my dosage now, big time!

Posted by M | Report as abusive