Have yourself a creepy little Christmas?

December 18, 2009

Blog Guy, I loved reading that you have too much Christmas spirit. This is most wonderful time of the year, right? Don’t you just LOVE all the Christmas songs?

Well, yes, all except the creepy ones.

creepy santa actress 490

I wasn’t aware that there are any creepy ones.

Then you haven’t been paying attention. Over the past 500 years some pretty sick stuff has flown in under the “Peace on Earth” radar.

LONDONFor instance, listen closely to “We Wish you a Merry Christmas.” “Oh, bring us a figgy pudding;  Oh, bring us a figgy pudding…We won’t go until we get some;  We won’t go until we get some…”

So you see, these are basically 16th century extortionists and home invaders, I guess prepared to stay forever until they get pudding. I believe red-hot pokers are mentioned in later verses.

Then there is “I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause.” “What a laugh it would have been, If daddy had only seen, Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night…”

That’s some pretty twisted crap going on there. The kid thinks it would be a great laugh if Daddy caught Mommy making out with a flamboyant senior citizen amid the Christmas decorations? Wow, little boy, get help fast!

OSCARS/But there’s no contest for the worst. “Baby it’s Cold Outside,” a duet that has been recorded by everybody, in which this guy is trying to get lucky with a chick by lowering her inhibitions. “The neighbors might think… Say, what’s in this drink?”

See? Call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure this guy laced her cosmopolitan with Rohypnol…

Yikes, Blog Guy! They didn’t even have drugs like that when that song was written.

Maybe. All’s I’m saying is, it’s a long way from “Joy to the World” to “Say, what’s in this drink?”


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Top: A Santa Claus character poses with actress-model Tracy Bingham in a 2004 file photo. REUTERS/Fred Prouser

Left: Harrods department store owner Mohamed Al Fayed hands out Christmas pudding to the media in a 1996 file photo. REUTERS/Greg Bos

Right: A Patron Gold Cosmopolitan in a 2009 file photo. REUTERS/Phil McCarten




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It looks to me like she has been an awful good girl and wants Santa to leave a sable under the tree!

Posted by bigsusie | Report as abusive

It’s really funny that you bring that up about We Wish You a Merry Christmas, because I was just thinking about that the other day. I thought it sounded a little sinister.

I’ve always found a few lines from Santa Claus is Coming to Town to be slightly disturbing…

“He sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you’re awake
He knows if you’ve been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!”

I can’t help but see that as a veiled threat…and what kind of surveillance does this “Santa” guy have us under?

Posted by justK | Report as abusive

You know what’s even creepier? When a half-drunk Dean Martin sings “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” That ain’t right.

And do you know what’s in figgy pudding? It ain’t figs, I can tell you that.

Posted by kgolden1 | Report as abusive

I’ll be driving around delivering geese tomorrow, listening to the radio; I’ll make sure to pay attention to the lyrics, thanks Blog Guy !

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

You’re absolutely right, JustK. I left that one out….

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

Is the sable under the tree a fur coat, a paint brush, or some American meaning of the word that I’m not aware of ?

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Sorry Unca, I didn’t close those comments – it was just one of those crazy decisions made by our new blog tool. They’re open now, so go wild.

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

I heard Perry Como and “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas” on the radio today. There’s a very sinister and manic false laugh in the middle of it…

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Wow, CrowGirl. I’ll have to listen for that. I’ve never associated Perry Como with sinister…

Posted by Robert Basler | Report as abusive

Me neither. But thanks to you I’m now listening to ALL the lyrics !

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

I heard Hallelujah by Alexandra Burke today…. could someone tell me what that song is about?????

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Isn’t the whole Santa thing creepy anyway?

This guy, who has a penchant for red suits with fur trim sits in shopping centres throughout December and lures children onto his lap by telling them that if they’ve been ‘good’, he’ll give them presents.

Then he sneaks into your house in the middle of the night and leaves behind ‘toys’ and other gifts he thinks you might like.

Not only that, he eats your cookies and drinks your milk before leaving again, leaving the house exactly as you left it, sans milk and cookies with presents under the tree.

I find the whole thing very creepy.

Posted by LMR | Report as abusive

I like the Simpsons… say are they really like America’s First Dysfunctional Family??

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

You guys are making too much sense these days! Must be the season spirit, I guess.

In any case, I’ve blocked the chimney well, locked all the doors and windows and put the alarm on at night, while we sleep, just in case… You never know with these White Hat guys!

Posted by 1M1 | Report as abusive

Santa has a red one..
(sticking tongue out) And that was saying we are making sense…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

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Posted by Santa Trauma and Other Holiday Horrors | Scarred for Life | Report as abusive