Have yourself a creepy little Christmas?
Blog Guy, I loved reading that you have too much Christmas spirit. This is most wonderful time of the year, right? Don’t you just LOVE all the Christmas songs?
Well, yes, all except the creepy ones.
I wasn’t aware that there are any creepy ones.
Then you haven’t been paying attention. Over the past 500 years some pretty sick stuff has flown in under the “Peace on Earth” radar.
For instance, listen closely to “We Wish you a Merry Christmas.” “Oh, bring us a figgy pudding; Oh, bring us a figgy pudding…We won’t go until we get some; We won’t go until we get some…”
So you see, these are basically 16th century extortionists and home invaders, I guess prepared to stay forever until they get pudding. I believe red-hot pokers are mentioned in later verses.
Then there is “I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause.” “What a laugh it would have been, If daddy had only seen, Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night…”
That’s some pretty twisted crap going on there. The kid thinks it would be a great laugh if Daddy caught Mommy making out with a flamboyant senior citizen amid the Christmas decorations? Wow, little boy, get help fast!
But there’s no contest for the worst. “Baby it’s Cold Outside,” a duet that has been recorded by everybody, in which this guy is trying to get lucky with a chick by lowering her inhibitions. “The neighbors might think… Say, what’s in this drink?”
See? Call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure this guy laced her cosmopolitan with Rohypnol…
Yikes, Blog Guy! They didn’t even have drugs like that when that song was written.
Maybe. All’s I’m saying is, it’s a long way from “Joy to the World” to “Say, what’s in this drink?”
Top: A Santa Claus character poses with actress-model Tracy Bingham in a 2004 file photo. REUTERS/Fred Prouser
Left: Harrods department store owner Mohamed Al Fayed hands out Christmas pudding to the media in a 1996 file photo. REUTERS/Greg Bos
Right: A Patron Gold Cosmopolitan in a 2009 file photo. REUTERS/Phil McCarten