The Steamy Lingerie Models who Saved Christmas!

December 21, 2009

I got nothing and I’m in big trouble.

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My publisher gave me a hefty advance to write a feel-good new Christmas story for children, to take its place up there with “The Polar Express” and such-like.

victoria christmas 6 140I’m required to use the phrase “Steamy Lingerie Models” in the title because it seems research shows that dads do 80 percent of the holiday book shopping for their kids.

Who knew it would be this hard to write a heartwarming Christmas story about heroines with special powers?

All I have so far is a great closing line. A winged vixen is dragging the evil-doer away in handcuffs and she says, “I’ll see your chestnuts roasting on an open fire, scumbag!”

But just one memorable, sentimental line isn’t going to endear this tale to children forever…

I suddenly have lots more respect for Charles Dickens. Of course, I would have called his story “The Saucy Wench and the Three Gross Dead Guys,” but “A Christmas Carol” works, too.

victoria christmas combo bottom 490

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Models present creations during the 2009 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in New York, November 19, 2009. REUTERS photos by Lucas Jackson

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The last one looks fit for space… Guess Santa can take her on his nightly rounds… which involves flying in space… from one continent to the other in record time…
and I dont like the ONLY shoes pictured here…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Are you sure these aren’t scenes from the nativity when the angels appeared to the shepherds to tell them about the baby born in Bethlehem?

(I still like the first girl’s wings the best, although the second one is quite fetching.)

Posted by LMR | Report as abusive

Robert, I do believe this are actual, Hubble telescope, pictures of heaven, as you previously mentioned. Thanks for the illustrious illustration. My dosage requirements were dropped a full 20% because of these pictures, thanks a lot.

That should be a good season spirit story, don’t you think? You do good by showing pictures to drooling, giggling, meddie-filled oddities?

Posted by 1M1 | Report as abusive

I like the steampunk look of the second pair of wings. Niiiice!

I’ll tape the first pic to my fridge. That’ll keep me from eating ‘just one more’ mince pie :D

Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

E, you dont want to eat like that model, she even leaves a SINGLE bean on a plate!! she weighs 40 lbs, thats not healthy at all… Go on, have that mince pie…. I am aiming for the Christmas pudding…. ahhh… sooooo festive!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Oh I don’t want to eat like that model, I just want to be sure I don’t hog all the mince pies! Although, I’m not even sure my cat would like them even if I did give him one!

But really, the real reason is…I want to be sure I have room for egg nog, and mulled wine, and Baileys, and that hot whiskey and…well, you get the picture :D

Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

Oh yes Baileys!! Thanks for reminding me…. The problem with me and alcohol is that i still get asked for ID!!!!!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive