Damn it, Jim! I’m a doctor not a…

January 15, 2010

Blog Guy, you’re a very well connected Washington insider. Now that it looks like we’re really going to have health care legislation, will there be these so-called “death panels” that decide whether folks live or die?


Sad to say, I believe there will be, and in fact a few of the Death Panels have already started working. As this extraordinary photo shows, the anonymous masked panel members even render their God-like verdicts on small children, like this helpless tyke in a hospital bed.

Wait a minute. Hold the damned phone. I think that’s Pippi Longstocking!

hospital doll crop 260I’m not so sure, but if it is, do you think celebrities should get special treatment from the Death Panels?

You’re missing the point, Blog Guy!

I hear that a lot.

Now try to follow me here. It appears to me that this is only a doll, not a real person. Do  you understand now? Is it sinking in?

Yes! The Death Panels are already out of control! Today Pippi Longstocking, tomorrow our life-like inflatable female companion toys!

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Israeli nurses stand over a doll, representing an injured baby, during a drill simulating a biological attack, at Chaim Sheba Medical Center near Tel Aviv January 13, 2010. REUTERS/Gil Cohen Magen

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Pippi Longstockinng… how absolutely mahhhhvellous…
sorry, what was that again?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

A view of her shoes, AND a Star Trek reference for the geeks among us … thanks, Bob!

Posted by BethyB | Report as abusive

DoctorDoll is here when you need him, Bob. For the right doll, he might even make a house call.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

The nice orderlies at my facility wear outfits just like that … Oh goody! Time for another doughnut!

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

Am I alone in noticing these guys have white hats on? Yes, I know these are rather odd, long hats, but they still count as such!!!

Now we are doomed, I tell you: death panels in the White Hat conspiracy!!! Yes, I’m, with you on this, Robert: first Pippi Longstocking, then… who knows?

That’s it, it’s final: I’m sleeping under my bed from now on!!

Posted by justM | Report as abusive

The first procedure to turn Pinochio into a trans-gender went well.

Now they prep to undergo the historic operation of turning Pinochio into a real girl!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Doctor Doll! Welcome the hell back. For benefit of you newcomers, the doctor, who isn’t really one but plays one in my blog, is a longtime and inspired commenter here. So let’s show him a little respect. Not much, but a little.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

What kind of doughnuts can the good Doctor get?
(You can tell I’m a little fixated on the doughnuts)

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

Well hello there good Doctor. Might you be the one who prescribes all the wonderful meds the loyal commenters here enjoy on a daily basis?

If so, let me introduce myself. I am a pretty new commenter on this blog and I also fly planes. What requirements are needed to get a dosage?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Why, Bob, you have apparently forgotten. I am a doctor, twice over. I have a J.D. and a Ph.D. in literary studies. (For real.) As the holder of a Ph.D. in literature, I’m always on call, just in case. For example, if I’m in a Theater (or on a blog) and someone belts out: “Is there a doctor of literature in the house?” I’m that person’s man. Ready with the cup that cheers, or what have you….

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I’m fully aware you’re a doctor of literature, Doc. I just meant you’re not the kind of doctor that can do, say, brain surgery. Remember when you tried that? Remember why you can never, ever go back to Arkansas?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Oh, sure! Everyone brings up the “brain thing.” Well, Bob, that was in Arkansas, and it was, like, months ago! Now, I know. Brain surgery is not a good science fair project. Next time, the topic will be “The Effects of Doughnuts on a Middle-aged Man.” Fewer warrants that way. By the way, my roomate, D.B. Cooper, says hello.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

A StarTrek reference ? They had life-like inflatable female companion toys on Star Trek ? I was so watching the wrong channel…

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Ah, come on Bob, who amongst us can truly say we’re not keen amateur brain surgeons ? Also, this Pippi LongStocking appears to be wearing an all over light blue body thing rather than actual stockings, isn’t that iffy under the trades description act ?

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

House speaker finally found out who took her pippi doll but she was confused by the mask at first… and the lables didnt help… unitl the nurse explain it was all for the better of the government option care

Posted by ochoo | Report as abusive

Why CrowGirl, I am no amateur. That brain surgery in Arkansas was entirely successful. Last I heard, my patient had half a mind to go to college.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

[…] Damn it, Jim! I'm a doctor not a… | Analysis & Opinion | Reuters Tags: boras, care-legislation, choose-whether, death-panels, even-sending, everybody-hates, folks, live-or-die, pauline-chen, really-going, whether-folks, workman Can I Get A Doctor Please? | Mets Merized OnlineCNN's Sanjay Gupta, Doctor First: 'We Offer Enough Care to Get to …Doctor Gets Court Order to Force Pregnant Woman to Follow His …Tempo and Turnovers « Tar Heel FanTARDIS Newsroom – Doctor Who News: David Cameron "Wants to be New …Football Odds and Ends « Tar Heel FanJoomla Users Donate to Doctor's Without Borders | joomla-blog …Catie Lazarus: Doctor Lazarus Reviews Lanny Latham!Do Test Scores Make the Doctor? – Well Blog – NYTimes.comohnotheydidnt: More US Doctor Who/Tennant Love View the Contact Powered by Information […]

Posted by Damn it, Jim! I'm a doctor not a… | Analysis & Opinion | Reuters Information | Report as abusive

Welcome Doc!!!! Hey, could you prescribe me a few Prozac please? I seem to have run out of them…. pwetty pwlease?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Dammit BlogGuy – he’s a doctor, not a scientist!

Posted by LMR | Report as abusive

Brain surgery is not all it’s cut out to be!

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

Dear Doctor, welcome back. I’m glad you’re here, since you are just the guy I wanted to talk to. Do you by any chance also do podology? (You know, it’s not ALL that different from brain surgery, at least with some of us!!) I’d require your intervention, please.

Posted by justM | Report as abusive

chucky is being operated…. me thinks

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

1. Iflydaplanes: We’ll determine who’s pretty around here.
2. Is a Doctor twice over similar to a double negative?
3. How close is a Doctor of Literature to the time-honored (on this Blog)Creative Writing major?

Posted by KWest | Report as abusive

I think all the girls on this blog are pretty… the rest are just men…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

No, Blog Guy, you ‘ve got it all wrong. The photo caption should be, “So, Doctor, just how artificial WAS Mrs. Johnson’s insemination?”

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

[…] 7. Damn it, Jim! I’m a doctor not a… […]

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