Go on, stab me! I double-dare you!
Ever wonder what a conversation between total dumbasses sounds like? Let’s listen in….
“Hey Earl! I know we’re planning on going to the World Cup in June, but I heard they have 50 murders a day down there in South Africa….”
“Wow Lamar, that’s a lot! So you’re saying maybe we should stay home?”
“Of course not! I’m saying we should each spend $69.95 for vests to protect us from getting stabbed! There’s a company advertising anti-stab vests for soccer fans, and you can even get ’em with team colors.”
“Gosh Lamar, it doesn’t seem like those vests would help much against guns, or somebody hitting you over the head with a pipe wrench, or stabbing you in the throat, or sticking your head in a toilet to drown you…
“Still, on the positive side, wearing our team colors on a stab vest IS kind of like a challenge to the fans of all the other teams, I suppose.”
“Exactly, Earl! It says, COME AND GET US AND BRING YOUR KNIVES! Plus look on the bright side. We’re probably not smart enough to put them on, anyway….”
The above conversation is only imaginary, but the stab vests are real. And now South African officials are pissed off, calling them an “abominable money making ploy using fear tactics.”
For their part, the sellers say their vest “offers effective protection from potential attacks from blades, knives, bottles and broken glass and turns your stab vest into a special and exclusive fan article.”
What I don’t get is, who would voluntarily GO someplace where this garment might be necessary? Listen dumbasses, just stay at home and watch on television.
You can even stab yourselves if it’s that important to you.
Right top: Argentine veteran soccer idol Diego Maradona wears a novelty headset with a plastic butcher’s knife appearing to go through his head at a private neurological center where he was staying for a medical check-up, in a 1998 file photo.
Right bottom: Belgian police arrest a man after he taunted soccer fans with a knife, in a 2000 file photo. REUTERS/Jerry Lampen