Hats! They’re back, and they’re real stupid!

January 20, 2010

dumb hat combo 490

Hey Blog Guy, I need fashion advice. I’m a regular-looking dude, and I’d like to find a way to make myself look more dopey. You know, so nobody will take me seriously.

Hmmm. Let me get this straight. You want people to take one look at you and say, “Holy crap, what’s wrong with that pathetic doofus?”

ExUSA/actly.

Have you tried tattoos on your neck and face? What about a mullet haircut?

Yeah, and I still don’t look dopey enough.

Then have I got great news for you! It turns out, REALLY stupid-looking hats are back in style.

Don’t toy with me. Are you serious?

Yep. Just look at these fashion and celebrity shots from the past few days. Young man, it’s time for a …

For a?

For a fedora!

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Top left: Director Jacques Audiard accepts the award for Best Foreign Language Film for his work in the film “The Prophet” at the National Board of Review Awards in New York January 12, 2010. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson

Top center: A model presents a creation as part of the Ermenegildo Zegna Fall/Winter 2010/11 Men’s collection during Milan Fashion Week January 16, 2010. REUTERS/Alessandro Garofalo

Top right: Actor Woody Harrelson arrives to accept the award for Best Supporting Actor for his work in the film “The Messenger” at the National Board of Review Award ceremony in New York January 12, 2010. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson

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36 comments

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First pic looks only as if time had stood still, whereas the next two guys… well, let’s just say they could fit very well in one of those teenage movies on goofy nerds.

Nevertheless, I am not surprised Goofy er- Woody Harrelson manages to look appropriately out of fashion every time there’s a camera around!

Posted by justM | Report as abusive

According to my research, 90% of male hat wearers suffer from hair loss. I think they have decided a goofy hat is better than a chrome dome.

Posted by T54 | Report as abusive

Isn’t that center photo Tom Brady? If I were he, I wouldn’t admit it either. As for Woody, if there were a fifth stooge, THAT would be the look! (Fourth would be complete baldness on top with the rest of the hair grown loooonnngg.)

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I am not gonna comment on fashion…. no sir! You wont get me to do THAT!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

[...] the original:  Hats! They're back, and they're real stupid! | Analysis & Opinion … Tags: china-yang, govern-or-sustain, huge-central, katrina, look-more, majesty, need-fashion, [...]

And yet not one of those hats are white. Hmmmm is there an anti-white-hat conspiracy now?

E.

Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

I believe it is just that they are aware we know what they’re up to, so to throw us off they have started wearing black hats now.

Posted by justM | Report as abusive

I bet I can guess which one of them is actually dead…

Posted by justK | Report as abusive

See I’m going to have to disagree with you on this Bob. I think the problem is that these guys are auditioning for the goofy face and donut museum. A fedora on a hot dude is … hot. Shra can keep her shoe pictures. I’ll watch and wait for the hot guys in hats instead.

Posted by Gwai | Report as abusive

I dunno M, I think it happened this way:

Woody: “What’s with the white hats?”

Jacques: “I believe eet iz a conspiracy Woody.”

Woody: “How do we get in on it?”

Model: “Oooh pretty clouds!”

Jacques: “I do not believe zey would let us een, I haf already tried.”

Woody: “Fine then, we’ll start our on conspiracy! Black hats it is!”

Model: “Ooooh look at the pretty flower!”

:D

E.

Posted by egeria | Report as abusive

Well Gwai, if you’re right then they’re out of luck.

It takes more than a dopey hat to earn a slot at the Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop, as dozens of satisfied tourists saw first-hand in 2009.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Gwai is absolutely right. I DO look hot in my fedora! In my office with the sunlight shining through my Venetian blinds and reflecting off of my bourbon bottle and shining through the “Private Eye” on my door. I get a lot of baffling caes, you know.

But, the time I tried out for a spot in the Goofy Face Museum and wore an Indiana Jones hat, I could hear people laughing for blocks around.

Even D.B. Cooper (my roomy) laughed at me. Moses and Elvis (next door) did too. And they think D.B. is a fake. They think that D.B. wouldn’t still be wearing a parachute after all these years, especially since it is one of those parachutes where you can’t use your arms.

Hey, there’s knock on my door. It’s a client dressed like a nurse. I

THERE WILL BE NO MORE “DOCTOR DOLL” TODAY!

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Only gangsters (not gangstas) wearing pinstripe suits accessorized with tommy guns or BARs can pull off wearing a fedora and do it well. I was born a few generations too late cause I woulda rocked that look!

These days……no.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Dr Doll; I was almost convinced, but you referred to sunlight, and everyone knows it’s always drizzling with rain in proper private eye stories.

Tim; does a Seville Row suite come with free marmalade ?

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

CrowGirl,

I would refer you to one of the opening scenes in “Murder, My Sweet,” (1946), a film adaptation of Raymond Chandler’s “Farewell, My Lovely” and to the Calvin & Hobbes sequence where Calvin is Tracer Bullitt, Private Eye.

“Proper Private Eye Stories” is theory. Calvin & Hobbes is fact. ;)

But I do love a good detective story with lots of darkness and rain while I eat donuts next to the fireplace, don’t you?

And now I’m off (but you knew that) to watch my son in his high school’s semester showcase.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I got given a black fedora with silver and pink stripes for Christmas. Should I take this as an insult?

(This is not a joke.)

Posted by LMR | Report as abusive

LMR… I feel sorry for you, girl…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Well, LMR… I would just say that miners from Mt. Isa are not exactly “in” when it comes to fashion advise, so probably just be understanding and patient. Or else, you could call upon Don Timmy and request his assistance?? Perhaps not.

And, Don Timmy, one small question: do you wear a large rubi in your pinky? Don’t forget that, and the white scarf.

Dr. Doll, I am with you on this. Mrs. Chandler, McDonald, Hammett are just amateurs and aspiring writers when compared to Calvin and Hobbes. Have you thought about writing on them for your dissertation? I think their piece on Jack and Jane and academia is ‘seminal’ enough, according to present day standards, to afford such an in-depth research.

OK, meddie time for me again.

Posted by justM | Report as abusive

All this gangsta talk (yeah Mr.Pilot, I said gangsta) is making me want to watch Godfather today….. Pity I am not too fond of fedoras….

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

[...] more: Hats! They're back, and they're real stupid! | Analysis & Opinion … Share and [...]

The guy in the middle is wearing a hat that looks suspiciously like the one Inspector Gadget wore in the movie of the same name. I wonder…
;)

Posted by Jonny-X | Report as abusive

Tim, right. Seville oranges for marmalade, Savile Row for suits. USMC I get, DI ?

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

CrowGirl, that means he was a drill instructor. In other words, he’s no stranger to stupid hats.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Tim, DIs constantly cry, as in YELL! As in “DROP AND GIVE ME 50!” I will NEVER forget mine, whose first words to me were: “DO YOU WANT ME TO BREAK YOUR ARM?” His second sentence was “YOU BETTA GET YOU HEAD OUTTA YOU RECTUM, BO!” But his favorite line was: “LOOK AROUND YOU S***HEAD. WHAT DO YOU SEE?”

He was actually a nice man who cared about us, and when bootcamp was over, he bought me a beer.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Thanks, Unca. Certainly meant no disrespect, and I know you guys have your traditions.

I went through U.S. Army Basic Training at Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri, and while I’m sure it was a day at the beach compared with Parris Island – I took my advance training at a DOD school with folks from all branches, and I couldn’t match the Marines in horror stories – I still formed my own lasting opinions of our DIs and their hats.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Ah, is this then the “smokey bear” hat ?

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Unca… did Bob hurt your feelings? Want me to zap him?? :P

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Now, then… I think I need an increased dose this morning. Too much serious, adult conversation happening. Shra, E, would you kindly share one of your doughnuts with me? I’ll trade you!

Posted by justM | Report as abusive

I probably shouldn’t have shared my DI stories with you, Bob. I think he may look you up and try to find me. He was the only man who could, and did, terrify me into hiding peanut M&Ms in a dirty sock.

If, in the middle of the night, someone shines a flshlight into your face and demands to know my whereabouts, it’s okay to tell him. But please give me advance notice, so I can fake my own death, change identity, and flee the country to spend my days in Antartica. Or at least triple lock my door and hide under the bed.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

Unca, I think DIs are some of the most awesome people ever.

I am sure by that statement you can surmise I have not served myself.

I think as such because I do watch the Military Channel quite often and I always enjoy the shows where they follow recruits through boot camp and up until they are officially enlisted in their respective branches of service. I find it fascinating how a DI can balance being the hardass he/she and enforcing the discipline necessary to get the recruits into shape all while being supportive and encouraging. Being a DI is probably one of the hardest jobs in the military I would wager.

Thus by association sir, I believe you are one of the most awesome people ever.

Thank you for your service. :)

We now return to the regularly scheduled blog.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Dear Madam or Sir:

I am writing about one of our patients, who corresponded with you this morning on this “blog.” He calls himself “Dr. Doll.” Dr. Doll is missing.

After writing on your blog this morning, Dr. Doll told his roommate that he had received a telephone call from you on his “telephone,” which is actually Fischer-Price.

Shortly thereafter, Dr. Doll was seen at a nearby sporting-goods store trying to purchase an artic parka with Monopoly money. He then purchased a bag of peanut M&Ms, went outside, and then returned to the service counter complaining that the M&Ms were “defective,” since half of them had “W” on them instead of “M”.

Do you have any idea where we can locate “Dr. Doll”? This is urgent.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

I would like to help, but I am bound by blogger-patient confidentiality.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

Bob,

I knew I could count on you. It is now obvious to all, that I sometimes conjure little narratives to amuse myself. Back in my days as a university professor, before I was reincarnated as an attorney, I would amuse my students with little narratives and stories in class. They always knew I was good for at least one per class.

The name “Dr. Doll” was born when I was representing a client in an administrative hearing, and the hearing officer referred to me as “Doll” and after the hearing as “Dr. Doll.” One of my assistants then teased me mercilessly for weeks by calling me “Dr. Doll.” (True story.) That transcends even my fictional narratives.

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

What about the Blog Guy, uncarastus? Does his writing amuse anyone beside himself? ;)

Posted by DoctorDoll | Report as abusive

So, Doc… did you ever ask that hearing officer what made him call you “Doll”?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I am not sure we want to hear THAT story, Shra…

Now, on second thought, I AM curious as to how a PhD in literature ends up being a lawyer…

Perhaps he already had met Mr. Beelzebub of a couple of posts on… ago… Sh*t!! elsewhere! NUURSE!!!

Posted by justM | Report as abusive

You know M… I really wonder if Nurse comes when you call her…

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive