News, but not the serious kind
Heartwarming, bedwarming story of stupid
A reader writes, “Bobby, what in your opinion is the stupidest idea of the new year so far?”
There’s lots of competition, but I think I have a clear winner. It turns out several Holiday Inns are going to offer a human bed-warming service.
I know that’s just what I look for in a hotel, the chance to have some employee get under my covers before I do.
I mean, it’s bedtime, but instead of simply climbing into bed and wriggling around for 30 seconds to warm it up like a normal person, I now call the front desk and they send up Eugene “Big Gene” Johnson.
Now Big Gene, who’s just been working in the hotel’s furnace room, crawls into my king-size bed with a box of soda crackers. As cracker crumbs fly from his mouth, he regales me with stories of his days as a Brooklyn longshoreman.
While I huddle shivering nearby, Big Gene also tells me between belches that he guesses the chili dog he had for dinner didn’t agree with him.
When the crackers are finished, Big Gene gets up and apologizes for a big sheet stain where his butt was, then holds his hand out for a tip, and he’s gone.
By the time I get undressed, the bed is cold again. These soda cracker crumbs sure are itchy…
Above: Holiday Inn hotel in Munich’s district of Schwabing, March 9, 2009. REUTERS/Alexandra Beier
Right: An interior view shows a suite of the Holiday Inn Hotel in Walldorf, Germany, in a 2006 file photo. REUTERS/Alex Grimm