I used to be a burglar, but I got laid off….

February 10, 2010

It’s a very sad day for crime. It turns out an influx of cheap electronic goods from Asia has prompted burglars to turn to other crimes such as robberies and muggings, since their once honorable profession doesn’t pay anymore.

burglars 490

“Gradually, the prices of such goods has fallen so low as to they almost have no resale value. If you can buy a DVD player for 19.99 pounds, it’s simply not worth stealing,” one expert is quoted as saying.

So, after taking costly lock-picking and safe-cracking courses and buying expensive black outfits, thousands of burglars now have nothing to do.

CRIME OSBOURNEListen! I’m talking to all of you cheap-ass bargain-hunters who are so proud of the deal you got on your big-screen TV in the post-Christmas sales. You may as well leave your house unlocked now, because your stuff is too crappy to steal.

Readers, I need your help on this.

Go out there and buy some nice jewelery, a premium sound system… Pay retail for some high-quality merchandise. Leave it in your window tonight, scotch-tape the receipt to your front door, and go to bed.

Please, let’s solve this one ourselves, before burglars need their own government stimulus package.

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Samsung Electronics’ LED televisions are displayed for visitors at the headquarters of Samsung Electronics in Seoul May 20, 2009.   REUTERS/Jo Yong-Hak

British rocker Ozzy Osbourne and his wife Sharon attend a news conference in Beaconsfield just north of London, in a 2004 file photo. Two burglars broke into the English country home of the Osbournes just before dawn on Monday and stole a large amount of jewelry, police said. REUTERS/Peter Macdiarmid

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8 comments

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When even a Criminal Justice major feels sorry for burglars, something is wrong with the world.

Posted by kgolden1 | Report as abusive

Oh those wacky Chinese and their cheap labor…thwarting crime everywhere, doing what Seductive Leggy Sercret Service Woman and Might Fork Helment Woman couldn’t!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

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It’s time to capitalize on the lack of burglars and the overabundance of cheap electronics. Now is the time to strike! Let’s all get our super-cool black outfits on and start grabbing some booty (that was for the perverted pilot). We could also steal better outfits too, if the need should arise…

Posted by sarabelle | Report as abusive

The Osbournes had jewellery??? What kind?????????

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I have a nagging doubt: is the similarity in the pictures intended or purely accidental? I mean, yes, aged and beat-up and shriveled renditions of the top images, but still quite similar, don’t you think?

Posted by justM | Report as abusive

Blog is playing tricks with my nick..anyway


Listen! I’m talking to all of you cheap-ass bargain-hunters who are so proud of the deal you got on your big-screen TV in the post-Christmas sales. You may as well leave your house unlocked now, because your stuff is too crappy to steal.

hehehe…loved it :D

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

Have you transformed into a sea captain, Unca?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Is it just me or does Sharon Osbourne look like David Tennant in a bad red wig?

Posted by zeitgeist | Report as abusive