I used to be a burglar, but I got laid off….
It’s a very sad day for crime. It turns out an influx of cheap electronic goods from Asia has prompted burglars to turn to other crimes such as robberies and muggings, since their once honorable profession doesn’t pay anymore.
“Gradually, the prices of such goods has fallen so low as to they almost have no resale value. If you can buy a DVD player for 19.99 pounds, it’s simply not worth stealing,” one expert is quoted as saying.
So, after taking costly lock-picking and safe-cracking courses and buying expensive black outfits, thousands of burglars now have nothing to do.
Listen! I’m talking to all of you cheap-ass bargain-hunters who are so proud of the deal you got on your big-screen TV in the post-Christmas sales. You may as well leave your house unlocked now, because your stuff is too crappy to steal.
Readers, I need your help on this.
Go out there and buy some nice jewelery, a premium sound system… Pay retail for some high-quality merchandise. Leave it in your window tonight, scotch-tape the receipt to your front door, and go to bed.
Please, let’s solve this one ourselves, before burglars need their own government stimulus package.
Samsung Electronics’ LED televisions are displayed for visitors at the headquarters of Samsung Electronics in Seoul May 20, 2009. REUTERS/Jo Yong-Hak
British rocker Ozzy Osbourne and his wife Sharon attend a news conference in Beaconsfield just north of London, in a 2004 file photo. Two burglars broke into the English country home of the Osbournes just before dawn on Monday and stole a large amount of jewelry, police said. REUTERS/Peter Macdiarmid